9 Ways to Feel Less Stress When Life Gets Crazy Busy

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

Don’t stress.  Do your very best.  Appreciate each step.  Forget the rest.

Stress is one of the primary causes of major health problems in our lives: it can cause heart disease, anxiety, sleep deprivation, auto-immune disorders, weight problems, unhappiness, and even deep depression.

But we’re busy – we all have places to be, things to do and people to see.  So how do we alleviate stress and still get our work done right (without neglecting our loved ones and ourselves)?

When life gets crazy busy, you might not have time for week-long meditation and yoga retreats, weekend vacations, or even weekly life coaching sessions.  So what can be done?

I’m going to be brief about this, because time is of the essence.  There are nine simple things you can do.  A few mindset shifts and a couple actions that take only a couple minutes.  These can’t solve the most severe stress related problems, but they can help most of us in a major way, every day.

1.  Be in the moment, completely, with just one task.

Instead of being in a stressful task-switching state of mind, take your next task, let everything else go, and just be in the moment with this one task.

Let yourself be immersed in this task by letting go of the feeling that you need to quickly rush through it – that you need to move on to the next task waiting for you.  There will always be a next task, because that’s the nature of TO-DO lists – they’re never-ending.  So let those later tasks come later.  Just be 100% in this one task, like it’s your entire world.

Bottom line: Slow down.  Breathe.  Review your commitments and goals.  Put first things first.  Do one task at a time.  Start now.  Take a 5-minute break in an hour.  Repeat.  (And always remember, results are more important than the time it takes to achieve them.)

2.  Let go of controlling what can't be controlled.

Fear is causing you to be stressed, not external factors like your job obligations or family issues.  Those external factors are just a part of life, but they become stressful when you fear failure, fear people won’t like you, fear you’re not good enough, fear abandonment, and so forth.

Your fears are based on some fantasy in your head about how things are supposed to be (and you fear that your life may not live up to that fantasy): you have an image in your head that you’re going to be perfect, have people like you, be comfortable all the time, and succeed on all fronts.  These fantasies are a way to feel in control of a world that you don’t actually control, but they’re hurting you by causing fear and stress.  Instead, let go of control.  Be OK with chaos and uncertainty, and trust that things will work out.  You’ll fear less and feel less stress.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

3.  Accept people just the way they are and smile.

We get upset with others because they don’t meet our fantasy of how they ‘should’ act.  Instead, try accepting them for who they are, and recognize that, like you, they’re imperfect and seeking happiness and struggling with finding it.  They’re doing their best.  Accept them just the way they are.  In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try.  So save yourself from needless stress.

Instead of trying to change others, give them your support today and lead by example.

4.  Take a brief walk outside.

When things are getting really stressful, take 5-10 minutes to take a walk and clear your mind.  A short walk does wonders.  It gives you something new to look at and it gets your body moving.

Through a decade of life coaching we’ve found that people who have recently experienced stressful life events like a serious illness, death of a loved one, marital separation or job loss, always see an immediate mood boost after a short outdoor walk.  It’s literally the most effective way to instantly reduce the stressful pressure of a worried mind.

Right about now, you should consider taking a break from work and go for a short, peaceful walk (in a park or green space if there’s one nearby).  Again, this is not unproductive lollygagging, it’s likely to have a restorative effect on your mind and help with attention fatigue and stress recovery.  (Read The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook.)

5.  Perform short mindfulness practices.

You don’t have to meditate for 30 minutes to get the benefits of mindfulness…

• You can do a quick body scan (focus on your body and notice how each part of it feels right now) in 30 seconds.
• You can pay attention to your breath for 60 seconds (listen to it and feel it).
• You can watch your thoughts about concerns, fears, judgments, doubts, and ideals for a minute (recognize that these thoughts are simply thoughts; you don’t need to believe them or react to them).
• You can walk mindfully, paying attention to your feet, your body, your breath and your surroundings, as you walk.

You can do each of these short mindfulness practices in little bits whenever you need them throughout your day.

6.  Purge untrue thoughts.

You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.  Behind every stressful feeling is an untrue thought.  Before the thought you weren’t suffering, but after the thought you began to suffer.  When you recognize that the thought isn’t true, once again there is no suffering.  When you change your thoughts, you change your life.  So next time you catch a thought stressing you out, ask yourself these four questions:

• Is it true? – This question can change your life. Be still and ask yourself if the thought you’re dealing with is true.
• Can I be absolutely, 100% certain that it’s true? – This is another opportunity to open your mind and to go deeper into the unknown, to find the answers that live beneath what you think you know.
• How do I feel when I think this thought? – With this question, you begin to notice internal cause and effect.  You can see that when you believe the thought, there is a disturbance that can range from mild discomfort to outright panic and fear.  What do you feel?  How do you treat the situation (or person) you’re thinking about, how do you treat yourself, when you believe that thought?  Be specific.
• Who would I be, and what would I do differently, if I were not thinking this thought? – Imagine yourself in your situation (or in the presence of that person), without believing the thought.  How would your life be different if you didn’t have the ability to even think this stressful thought?  How would you feel?  Which do you prefer – life with or without the thought?  Which feels more peaceful?

7.  Consciously squash the needless comparisons.

Sometimes the reason we struggle with stress and insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.  Give it up.  Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 15.  Follow your own path, write your own life story, and never give up on yourself.

Next time you catch yourself comparing your life situation to someone else’s, refer to these two formulas:

• Happiness formula = Do YOUR very best and feel good about it.
• Unhappiness formula = Compare yourself to everyone else.

8.  Track what’s going well and give thanks.

Overlooking everything that’s wonderful is a tragedy.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  When you stay stuck in worried thoughts of the life you think you should have, you end up missing the beauty of what you do have.  You will have a hard time ever being happy if you aren’t thankful for the good things in your life right now.

Here’s a super simple, five-minute, daily gratitude exercise that has worked wonders for thousands of our coaching clients over the past decade:

Every evening before you go to bed, write down three things that went well during the day and their causes.  Simply provide a short, causal explanation for each good thing.

That’s it. We spend tens of thousands of dollars on expensive electronics, big homes, fancy cars and lavish vacations hoping for a boost of happiness.  This is a free alternative, and it works.

In a study of exercise’s effectiveness by Martin Seligman, participants were asked to follow those exact instructions for just one week.  After one week the participants were measurably 2% happier than before, but in follow-up tests their happiness kept on increasing, from 5% at one month, to 9% at six months.  Even more interestingly, the participants were only required to keep this gratitude journal for one week, but the majority of them continued journaling on their own because they enjoyed it.

I tried it for myself many years ago – I set a goal of doing it for just one week, and I’m still doing it today.  So I can assure you, it’s addictively effective. 

9.  Use your body.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, your body is the greatest instrument you own.  So when all else fails, and your stress levels are mounting, use your body to sooth your mind.

The mind reflects your body by responding to its levels of tension, rate of breath, speed of movement and mental focus.  Likewise your body mirrors your thoughts, feelings, mood, and responds to your state of mind, the questions you ask and the words you speak.  So if the mind and body are intrinsically connected – meaning that one has a direct affect on the other – it becomes clear that if we directly and consciously take control of one, it will influence and transform the other.

By mindfully adjusting how you use your body you can directly influence your state of mind, and dramatically transform your attitude.  Just imagine you’re sitting there in a bad mood, shoulders hanging forward, shallow breathing and frowning.  Go ahead and do this right now to experience how it influences your state of mind.  And then do the opposite: stand up straight and put a big smile on your face.  Take some deep, strong breaths and stretch your arms into the air.

Notice how you feel better?

Bottom line: Take the vehicle your creator has given you and use it!  Your body is the best tool for changing your attitude and relieving stress in an instant.

Closing Thoughts

If you have extra time after doing those nine things, I have a few other recommendations that will help:

• Eliminate unnecessary tasks on your TO-DO list.
• Reduce your commitments by saying “no” when you know you should.
• Start a regular 10-minute meditation practice.
• Find additional mindfulness practices to try.
• Exercise regularly.
• Eat healthier.
• Spend quality time with loved ones, daily.
• Get more sleep.

And remember that most people cope with stress in unhealthy ways – drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, eating sweets, arguing with people, mindlessly watching TV, procrastinating, and so forth.  Ironically these activities often cause more stress.  So don’t do this to yourself.  Instead, use the ideas I’ve provided to cope without these unhealthy crutches.

Your turn…

How do you cope with stress?  What helps you alleviate stress when life gets crazy busy?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

Photo by: Kerry M (Stocksy)

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10 Damaging Lies and Excuses Your Mind Loves to Tell You

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

It is ultimately only our own thoughts that hurt us.

The mind is a wonderful thing.  It’s also a total liar and an excuse machine that frequently tries to convince us not to take actions we know are good for us.  In the end, this prevents many positive changes from taking place in our lives.

I’ve had to learn to watch these lies and excuses very carefully in order to make the positive changes I’ve made in my life: a healthier diet, regular exercise, meditation, more sleep, daily writing, better planning, less procrastination, more focus, etc.

If I hadn’t learned about these lies and excuses, and how to suppress them, I would never have succeeded in making these positive changes.  In fact, until I knew better, I had failed countless times when I was young because my mind’s deceptive tendencies used to get the best of me.

So why does the mind lie to us and make irrational excuses?

Because the mind wants comfort – that’s why.  It’s afraid of discomfort, pressure and change.  The mind is absorbed in its comfort zone, and anytime we try to stretch that zone too far, for too long, the mind tries desperately to get back to ground zero at any cost… including sacrificing our long-term health, happiness and success.

So let’s expose 10 of the cowardly mind’s most damaging lies and excuses once and for all:

1. I can’t do it. – It seems too difficult at first, so you think you can’t stick to the positive change you’re making.  You don’t believe in yourself enough to take another step.  This is a common lie/excuse that can be countered by looking at the fact that other people no more capable than you have done it.  For example, my 60-year-old next-door neighbor ran a marathon a little before I started training for my first marathon, and so I told myself, “If she can do it, so can I!”  And I was right.  Truth be told, the only person who can tell you “I can’t” is you.  If you hear those words echoing in the back of your mind, tune them out.  Realize that your doubts and your faith have something in common – they both ask you to believe in something you can’t see.  You simply have to decide which one you want to believe.
2. They can do it, but that doesn’t apply to me because they have it better than me. – Just because someone else can, doesn’t mean you can, right?  You look for reasons they can do it but you can’t – maybe he’s an internet entrepreneur or freelance writer because he has no kids.  Maybe she’s way fitter than I am, so she can run a marathon.  Maybe she doesn’t have all the work and family obligations I have, or has a supportive spouse, or doesn’t have bad knees.  OK, fine, it’s easy to find excuses: but look at all the other people who also have considerable obstacles and have done it anyway.  Angel and I have a family, and have dealt with significant loss in our lives, and still managed to succeed on many fronts.  And just as we’ve turned things around for ourselves, we know hundreds of other people who’ve done the same.  Through a decade of life coaching, we’ve witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages – 48-year olds starting families, 57-year-olds graduating from college for the first time, 71-year-olds starting successful businesses, and so forth.  And stories abound of people with disabilities or illnesses who overcame their obstacles to achieve great things.  Your obstacles can be overcome.
3. I’m stuck because I don’t have enough time to make changes. – Have you ever met a happy, successful person who regularly avoids responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life?  Me either.  The truth is, you write your own destiny through the choices you make every day.  You become what you repeatedly do.  It is more important to know where you are going and why, than to get there quickly.  In fact, the most important thing in life is knowing what the most important things in life are, and prioritizing them accordingly.  Most of us spend too much time on urgent things and not enough time on important things.  So do yourself a favor and implement these three action steps every time you’re building or sorting your to-do list: 1) Think about the difference between what is urgent and what is important.  2) Review all the obligations on your list.  3) Do what’s important first.  (Read The ONE Thing.)
4. It’ll be too hard because I can’t get by without _______. – Fill in the blank: I need my wine, my cheese, my sweets, my TV shows, my ten hours of sleep, my big house, my fancy wardrobe, etc.  These are luxuries we convince ourselves we can’t live without, so we can justify not making positive changes like eating healthier or exercising daily or saving money or simplifying our lives or building a profitable side hustle.  And like I said, I’m not immune either – in the past I’ve made these excuses myself, but they all turned out to be lies.  I didn’t need any of these things in my life, and believing that I did was only getting in the way of the positive changes I was capable of creating for myself.
5. Life is meant to be easier and enjoyed more. – Sure, I agree that life should be enjoyed (as most people would) but the problem is that the idea that life should ALWAYS be easy and enjoyable is used to justify all kinds of lazy behavior.  Might as well sit on the couch and scarf down those Twinkies, because hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right?  Nope.  You can do without junk food and still enjoy life.  You can exercise and enjoy it.  You can give up a lot of comfort in your life and not lose a thing.  In fact, the path of least resistance is often the path of least reward.  You need to do hard things.  There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.  As Einstein once said, “Genius is 1% talent and 99% percent hard work.”  You must run to be a runner.  You must write to be a writer.  You must actively work on a business venture to learn how to run a successful business.  There is no substitute for doing the work.  So meditate on this every day: “I will do the work.  It won’t be easy.  It will be worth it!”
6. I deserve a reward (or a break). – We all deserve a tasty treat, or a day off.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t give yourself a reward or break when one is deserved.  But if you make this rationalization a primary rule for living, you’ll always be on a break.  You’ll always be giving yourself rewards, and never adhering to the original plan.  Here’s what I do instead: I see sticking to my plan as the reward itself.  I see reaching my goals as a gift I give myself.  Going on a run isn’t the thing I have to get through to get a reward – the run is the reward.
7. I can do it later. – Sure, you can always do it later… but your later self will feel the same exact way.  Think about it: Why should your later self be more disciplined than your present self?  There’s no reason.  In fact, because you’re allowing yourself to slack off now, you’re building a habit of procrastination and actually making it less likely that your later self will be more disciplined.  So today, stop making excuses for why you can’t get it done and start focusing on all the reasons why you must make it happen.  Stop talking about what you have done or what you are going to do.  Just do it and let your actions speak for themselves.  Most great things in life don’t happen by chance, they happen by choice.  You never know what’s possible until you risk finding out.  In the long run, there is only one thing that makes your dreams and goals completely impossible to achieve:  Your lack of action today. 
8. One time won’t hurt. – This lie is so tempting, because it’s somewhat true – one time won’t hurt.  Assuming, of course, that it really is only one time.  One scoop of ice cream, one missed workout, one time procrastinating instead of working, etc.  Unfortunately, it’s never just one time.  One time means your brain now knows it can get away with this excuse next time too, and the next “one time” leads to another, until you’ve completely fallen off the wagon.  Make a pact with yourself: never believe the “one time” lie.  If you’re going to allow yourself a scoop of ice cream, decide this beforehand and build it into your plan – “I will allow myself a single serving of sweets once every weekend” and stick to your plan, rather than deciding on the fly when your conscience is weak.
9. It’s better to quit now and cut my losses. – As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal.  It is courage to continue that counts.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Persistence is the mother of all productive effort.  Failures, small and large, happen every day to the best of us.  The strongest, most productive people aren’t the people who always succeed, but the ones who don’t give up when they lose.  In the heat of the moment when you feel like quitting, think about how far you have come and why you started in the first place.  Oftentimes you’re a lot closer to making a breakthrough than you think.  Some people give up their efforts when they have almost reached their goal, while others conquer their goals by exerting, up until the very last possible second, more vigorous efforts than ever before.  Bottom line: Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit – so KEEP GOING!  (Read The Success Principles.)
10. It’s already too late. – Nothing is too late until your tired heart stops beating.  If you’re reading this right now, congratulations, you are alive, which means it’s not too late for you.  Things can change if you want them to at any age.  Right now you can choose differently and make something new happen.  Your future is immediate.  Grab on to it with both hands and keep on moving on.  When you come up on a roadblock and are faced with the choice of sitting down and doing nothing or doing something to make further progress, choose the latter.  Think, work, and climb if you have to.  Move your life forward.  Today!

Your turn…

What kinds of damaging lies and excuses sometimes echo in the back of your mind?  What’s one such lie or excuse that has held you back?  Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below.

Photo by: Tilly

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