Wednesday 28 January 2015

7 Habits to Start in 7 Days to Guarantee a Year of Happiness

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

7 Habits to Start in 7 Days to Guarantee a Year of Happiness
“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
―Ayn Rand
In our busy daily lives it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees and completely overlook some of the more obvious activities that can disproportionally affect our happiness levels.  Luckily, we can go off more than just our intuition; there are lots of proven strategies that aim to create the right behavior that leads to a happier life.  Below, we take a look at seven of the more actionable pieces of advice you can start implementing over the next week.

1.  Find meaning in your work.

Last week I interviewed a motel housekeeper in Miami Beach for a side project I’m working on.  “Do you like your job?” I asked.  To my surprise, she smiled from ear to ear and was breathless for a couple seconds.  She finally collected herself and said, “I can’t believe how much I love my job!  I get to make dozens of our guests happy every day and feed my two beautiful children at the same time.”  Talk about a powerful perspective!  Right?
A job is only just a job if you chose to see it as a job.  But there’s so much more to it.  All work is a chance to be of service.  All work is a chance to express your gifts and talents.  All work is a chance to be helpful to other people.  All work is a chance to change the world.  It’s up to you to find meaning in your work, whether you’re a house keeper, whether you’re a police officer, whether you’re a teacher, whether you’re an astronaut, or an entrepreneur.  You must find meaning in your work so that every day you feel like you’re on a purposeful mission.
So I today challenge you:
Love what you do, until you can do what you love.  Love where you are, until you can be where you love.  Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most.
This is the way we find happiness.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

2. Embrace discomfort to gain mastery.

Happy people generally have something known as a “signature strength” – at least one skillset they’ve become proficient at, even if the learning process made them feel somewhat uncomfortable at first.
Over the past decade we’ve coached thousands of people online and offline, and one lesson we’ve learned is that, yes, mastering a skill is just as stressful as you might think.  However, this stress is positive.  Although the process of becoming proficient at something takes its toll on people in the form of stress, people also admit that these same activities make them feel happy and satisfied when they look back on their days, weeks, months, and years as a whole.  They see their progress and they feel great about it.
Truth be told, being terrible at something is the first step to being truly great at it.  Struggle is the evidence of progress.  The more time you spend there, the faster you learn.  It’s better to spend an extremely high quality ten minutes growing, than it is to spend a mediocre hour running in place.  You want to practice at the point where you are on the edge of your ability, stretching yourself over and over again, making mistakes, stumbling, learning from those mistakes and stretching yourself even farther.  The rewards of becoming great in the long run far outweigh the short-term discomfort that’s felt in the process of earning your stripes.

3. Detach yourself from your failures and successes.

Self-worth that’s attached to external merit can be quite fickle.  For example, through our coaching, Angel and I have come to know that most university students who tie their self-worth to their schooling feel small boosts when they receive a good grade or graduate school acceptance letter, but feel harsh drops in self-worth when they don’t.  What these students are forgetting is that failure is not something you are; it’s just something you experience.  And the same is true for success.
So remember that happy, successful people are often happy and successful in the long run for one simple reason: they think about failure and success differently.  They don’t take everything that goes wrong personally, and they don’t get a big head when everything goes right either.  Follow in their footsteps.  Do the best you can, and be a humble, life-long learner.  Never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart.

4. Be productive, but not rushed.

Being rushed puts you on the fast track to being miserable.  Period.  But on the flipside, having nothing to do can also take its toll (bad news for those who subscribe to the dream of doing nothing).  The balance is just right when you’re living a productive life at a comfortable pace.  Meaning, you should be expanding your comfort zone often, but not so much that you feel frenzied and out of control.  Easier said than done, but certainly a positive state to strive towards.
One method of achieving this is to have “heavy lifting” and “light lifting” timeslots scheduled each day.  During the “heavy lifting” times, you go at it full force, and then as soon as a “light lifting” timeslot arrives, you slow down.  It’s simply a matter of scheduling time every day to not be overly busy.  Have dedicated downtime – clear points in the day to reflect, rest, and recharge.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.
Also, keep in mind that you can’t always be agreeable to everyone else’s requests and demands; that’s how people take advantage of you.   Sometimes you have to set clear boundaries.  We all have obligations, but a comfortable pace can only be found by properly managing your yeses.  Be willing to say “No” to most things, so you are able to say “Yes” to the right things.  (Read The ONE Thing.)

5.  Give when you’re able.

While giving is usually considered a selfless act, giving is often more beneficial for the giver than the receiver.  In other words, providing social support of any kind can actually be more helpful to the bigger picture of our lives than receiving it.  Intuitively I think we all know this, because it feels amazing to help someone who needs it.  And that’s because lasting happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give – the experience of making a difference in the world.
The science behind this is simple…
Performing any act of kindness releases Serotonin in your brain.  Serotonin is a natural substance that has incredible health benefits, including making you feel more joyful.  However, what’s even cooler about this is that not only will you feel better, but so will others watching your act of kindness transpire.  That’s right; bystanders will be blessed with a release of Serotonin just by watching you give kindness.  (And a side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more Serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking butt and taking names!)
So just keep in mind that while you can’t give all of yourself all of the time, you can give some of yourself some of the time, and doing so will make all the difference.

6.  Nurture your closest relationships.

Finding Flow, an interesting psychology book on happiness, reveals national survey data showing that when someone claims to have a few close friends with whom they can discuss important problems, they are 60% more likely to say they’re happy.  Also, did you know studies have shown that average human mortality rates DOUBLE when we’re lonely?  WHOA!
Good relationships really are worth their weight in gold.  And the number of friends isn’t the important aspect here; it’s the effort you put into your relationships that matters.  Although it’s harsh to think about, even the best relationships dissolve over time if they aren’t maintained; a closeness with someone is something you need to continually earn, so never treat it as a given.  Every time you connect with those close to you, you further strengthen those bonds and you give yourself a little boost of happiness at the same time.  Win-win.
And don’t wait around to make big plans with those you care about.  Make your time together the plan.  Communicate openly on a regular basis.  Get together in the flesh as often as possible.  Not because it’s convenient to do so, but because you know each other are worth the extra effort.
Just put down the smart phone, close the laptop and enjoy each other’s company, face to face, the old fashioned way.  There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or a big hug shared by two people who care about each other.  Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary just by doing them with the right people.  So choose to be around these people, and choose to make the most of your time together. 

7. Be true to yourself.

This one is more anecdotal than specific, but perhaps the most important point of them all.
When the Guardian asked a hospice nurse about the most common regrets of the dying, one of the prevalent answers was that people regretted not being true to themselves.  As one patient put it, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
May that quote dwell in your mind and remind you to make your needs a priority.
Because ultimately, no matter how you live or how wonderful you are, someone else will be disappointed.  So do your thing.  Don’t hesitate and waste all your time with lots of explanations.  Most people only hear what they want to hear anyway.  Just because someone doesn’t understand your point of view, doesn’t mean a great explanation doesn’t exist.
Seriously, can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they want.  Stop living for other people and their opinions.  Be true to yourself.  You are the only person in charge of your life.  The only question is: What do you want to do with the rest of it?
Start doing it!
As they say, there are seven days in the week, and “someday” isn’t one of them.

Your turn…

How about you?  What habits keep you happy?  What else would you add to the list?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Aurora Martin
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Tuesday 20 January 2015

4 Unconventional Steps Extremely Successful People Take in Life

post written by: Marc Chernoff

4 Unconventional Steps Extremely Successful People Take in Life
All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them.  And the way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
Over the years, Angel and I have had the privilege of working with dozens of extremely successful people.  The key thing that separates them from the crowd is their unwavering self-discipline to actually get the right things done.
I’m betting you have stuff you want to do — stuff you know you should be doing.  But it doesn’t get done.  Why?  You need to go from dreaming to doing… but it’s difficult to get going.
You want to excel more at work, get better grades, learn a new skill, get those six-pack abs, or spend more quality time with your family… but it’s not happening.  Instead you just procrastinate.
So what can help get you going when you’re not motivated to achieve your longer-term goals?  What’s the secret?
Angel and I have observed a simple four-step process repeated consistently in the habits and routines of the most successful people we know.
The first step, believe it or not, is dreaming.  We’re all pretty good at that — but it’s only part of the process.  In fact, if you do it wrong it can actually make things worse.  Here’s how to do it right…

1.  Dream (But Don’t Stop There)

Everything starts with a dream.  But if that’s all you do, you’re in serious trouble.
Also, having a positive attitude is an explicit requirement, because a negative attitude makes us more likely to quit — or to never even begin in the first place.
But when that positive attitude becomes a constant habit of fantasizing, things go south really quick.  Yes, that’s right, tirelessly dreaming about success is not constructive.
Again and again (somewhat to our surprise at first), our course members and coaching clients have had the same negative outcomes from over-fantasizing about what they want.  Big fantasies, wishes and dreams detached from real life experience (action) never translates into the necessary motivation to create a more energized, engaged life.  It translates into the opposite — more procrastination.
Why?  The inexperienced, emotional human brain just can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.
When you fantasize, certain parts of your brain think you’ve actually achieved your goal.  So rather than ramping up, motivation actually pulls back.  From what we’ve experienced through coaching thousands of people over the past decade, the main reason positive fantasies often predict poor achievement is because they do not actually generate enough energy to pursue the desired outcome.  They don’t get people out of their chairs!
Too much dreaming turns positive thinking into mere wishful thinking.
So if it doesn’t work, why in the world do we do it so often?  Plain and simple: it feels good.
Just like stuffing your face with chocolate cake or checking your email for the 70th time today, it feels good in the moment — but is counterproductive to long-term success.
Constant dreaming about success in the future seems to protect our egos against sadness in the short-term, but then promotes sadness over the long-term if that’s all we do.  Because lofty expectations are being built but aren’t being backed by any substantial means to get from point A to point B.
Want to lose weight?  Those who merely dream of looking thinner often lose significantly less weight than those who envision themselves gaining weight if they don’t take deliberate and immediate action.
Want to meet that special someone?  The more frequently our course members and coaching clients have admitted to indulging in positive fantasies, the less likely they reported initiating a real relationship.
Okay, you get the idea.  Dreaming by itself leads to nowhere worthwhile.  So, what are the missing steps?

2.  Aim for a specific outcome.

This part isn’t too difficult.  You just need to take your dream and crystalize it.  Be ultra-specific.
So if “making more money” is your dream, your desired outcome might be “get a raise at my next annual performance review.”
Dreaming of a better work-life balance?  Your outcome could be “A daily work schedule that allows me to be free every afternoon at 4 P.M. sharp and off during weekends.”
(For more on setting goals and actually achieving them, check out Getting Back to Happy.)
So your dream is now clear.  But this is when things get trickier and a bit more unconventional.  It’s time to be constructively negative…

3.  Visualize your obstacles ahead of time.

We call this “mental contrasting.”  You need to consciously think about the obstacles that could potentially prevent you from achieving your desired outcome.
This might seem counterintuitive at first, but it’s a strategy that works wonders.  And here’s what’s really interesting: As we’ve used this method in our coaching practice over the years, some people who do this get more focused almost instantly, while others end up less motivated in the short-term.
Does that mean this strategy is defective?  No, it means it’s truly working.  Here’s why:
The people who do not get a boost of focus are often the ones who realize the “specific outcome” they are aiming for is not specific enough or simply not reasonable – meaning they’re aiming for a goal too big and overwhelming for their current mindset.
So this mental contrasting doesn’t only motivate people to get the right things done, it also helps them break their bigger long-term goals into achievable shorter-term goals that they can wrap their minds around and get excited about, right now.  So…
  • When people visualize their obstacles and realize they have a good chance of overcoming them (“I want to get a raise this year”), motivation increases.
  • Those who visualize their obstacles and realize their goals are too lofty and not specific enough (“I want to make a billion dollars this week”) report less motivation.
The latter are deterred from dreaming the wrong dream again and again, and so they tighten up their focus and don’t waste any more of their time.  Thus, outcomes for both groups that use mental contrasting are positive.
The bottom line is that to be successful, we have to envision what could go wrong, and what will inevitably go wrong, in advance, before we begin.  Far too many ambitious people fail for easily preventable reasons.  Far too many people don’t have a well-thought-out backup plan because they refuse to consider something might not go exactly as they dreamed it would.
Today, this strategy not only helps entrepreneurs close billion dollar business deals, it saves lives.  Prior to my career in personal development and life coaching, I spent a decade working for the U.S. Marine Corps.  One thing I learned from the high-ranking officers I worked for: They spend a vast majority of their mission training time going over every possible mistake or catastrophe that could happen during the mission.  Every possible error is mercilessly examined and linked to a suitable reaction: If the aircraft is hit and losing altitude, we’ll do X.  If we are forced to make an emergency landing in enemy territory, we’ll do Y.  If we are outnumbered on the ground, we’ll do Z.
(For more on using “obstacle visualization” to improve decision-making, read Decisive: How to Make Better Choices.)
So now you know your obstacles and you’re ready to take the next step…

4.  Use self-inquiry to build actionable “if-then” responses for overcoming your obstacles.

Mental contrasting is so helpful because it directly weighs dreams against realities.  It basically stress-tests your desired outcomes.  In other words, questioning your dreams leads to insights about how to proceed with them in the real world.
The bottom line is that while thinking positive is important, it’s also important to ask questions that help you actually build a plan for making real progress.
So rather than just saying something positive like, “I will lose weight,” start with a question like “Can I lose weight?” (and this question leads to other obvious questions, like “How?”)
Seems like a small difference, but questions are powerful tools.  They make you realistically consider the problem and what’s truly required.  From my experience, those who use this kind of self-inquiry for goal setting always outperform those who employ the more conventional positive affirmation sort of self-talk.
Questioning your dreams helps build actionable plans.  And actionable plans help you be more productive, and eventually bring your dreams to reality.
So what’s the best way to make sure your actionable plan addresses your obstacles?
Create little “if-then” responses to all the (known) challenges you face.
For instance, a simplified bit of self-inquiry might go something like this:
  • Can I lose weight?  Yes.
    • How?  Skip dessert after dinner.  And…
    • “IF I’m eating out and others are ordering dessert, THEN I will just order a coffee.”
Makes sense, doesn’t it?  Simple, but a little different.

Closing Thoughts

Successful people are successful because they take action.  They are taking action right now.  And YOU can be one of them.
So take the four steps above and start working through them.  Yes, right now!  Reading is not doing!
Just like watching Shark Tank doesn’t make you an entrepreneur, reading about what successful people do doesn’t make you a success unless you follow in their footsteps.
You want to go from dreamer to do-er?  Try it now:
  1. What do you dream of achieving?
  2. What does the specific outcome of your success look like?
  3. What obstacles are standing between you and where you want to be?
  4. When an obstacle arises, what will you do about it?  “If _____ happens, then I will ______.”
And then take action!
Can you see how this strategy takes a simple dream and puts you on a path to achieving it?  I’m hoping you’re nodding your head up and down.
But again, blog posts can’t change your life.  Only YOU can.  Now go DO IT!

The floor is yours…

I’ll help start you off… Tell me:
What do you dream of achieving?  What are you going to do about it today?
Leave a comment below and let me know.

Friday 16 January 2015

12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength

post written by: Marc Chernoff

12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength
“Behind every beautiful thing, there’s some kind of pain.”
―Bob Dylan
At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain, and that there are more flavors of pain than ice cream and coffee combined…
There’s the little empty pain of leaving something behind ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking out of a familiar, safe situation and into the excitement of the unknown.  There’s the giant, whirling pain of life upsetting all of your big plans and expectations.  There’s the little sharp pains of making a mistake, and the more obscure aches of success, when it doesn’t make you feel as good as you thought it would.  There are the vicious, backstabbing pains of betrayal.  The sweet little pains of finding others who are worthy of your time, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn.  There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend or lover and help them face their problems.
And on the best of days, there are the subtle, tingling pains you feel throughout your body when you realize that you’re standing in a moment of sweet perfection, an instant of great achievement, or happiness, or laughter, which at the same time cannot possibly last ‒ and yet will remain with you for the rest of your life.
Everyone is down on pain, and when we experience it we usually say we’re having a bad day, because we forget something important about what we’re going through: Pain is for the living – for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime.  Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.
So with this in mind, here are twelve smart ways to turn all your daily wounds into wisdom and strength:
  1. Admit to your emotional pain, so you can deal with it and heal. – Emotional pain is less dramatic than physical pain, at least from the outside looking in, but it is more common and also more difficult to bear than broken bones.  The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases the burden.  Don’t do this to yourself.  Sure, it is easier to say, “My leg is aching” than to say, “My heart is broken,” but that doesn’t mean your heart needs less self-care then your leg.  If fact, the exact opposite is true.
  2. Let go of what used to be and no longer is. – When you realize that none of it is yours – that you don’t get to claim or even keep any of it in the end – and when you’re willing to let go of attaching to anything you consider “mine,” you’re suddenly free.  There’s no need to grip or grasp.  Yet, one of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s possessions, obsessions, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go.  But letting go is always the healthiest path forward.  It clears out toxic attachments and thoughts from the past.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.  Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.
  3. Emotionally detach yourself from your problems. – You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together.  And that means you’re more powerful than them – you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them.  (Read Loving What Is.)
  4. View every challenge as an educational assignment. – Ask yourself:  “What is this situation meant to teach me?”  Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us.  Some of these lessons include:  To become stronger.  To communicate more clearly.  To trust your instincts.  To express your love.  To forgive.  To know when to let go.  To try something new, learn something new, and never look back.
  5. Ask yourself more positive questions. – If you ask negative questions, you will get negative answers.  There are no positive answers to, “Why me?” “Why didn’t I?” “What if?” etc.  Would you allow someone else to ask you the demoralizing questions you sometimes ask yourself?  I doubt it.  So stop and swap them for questions that push you in a positive direction.  For instance, “What can I do right now to move forward?”
  6. Make small adjustments as you figure out what works and what doesn’t. – A big part of your life is a result of the choices you make.  If you don’t like some part of your life, then it is time to start making changes and better choices.  This change may not be easy, but it is possible.  Habits that keep us stuck in life are made in each moment, day by day.  Undoing these habits takes the same exact path.  Focus on the small things you can do right now, not the big things you can’t.  These small daily changes add up to huge results in the end.  
  7. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. – Winston S. Churchill once said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.”  In other words, never, never, never give in!  The brick walls in life are there for a reason.  They are not there to keep you out.  They are there to give you a chance to show how badly you want something.  Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it as badly as you do.  They are there to stop the other people.
  8. Keep calm and focus on the positive. – The realist sees reality as concrete.  The OPTIMIST sees reality as clay.  Be the optimist and mold the clay your way.  Take what you’ve learned and build something new.  In other words, don’t see the difficulties in today’s opportunities, see the opportunities in today’s difficulties.  Write it on your heart that today is a chance of a lifetime.  And remember that there is always a reason to celebrate.  Slowing down long enough to celebrate the small victories creates momentum and inspiration to keep on keepin’ on.  I encourage my coaching clients and friends to celebrate every little thing, every chance they get.
  9. Consciously nurture your inner hope. – There’s a saying in Tibetan, “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”  No matter what sort of difficulties, or how painful an experience is, if you lose your hope, that’s your real tragedy.  So remember, a loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed – no matter how deep your hurt or how high your aspirations, do yourself a favor and pause at least once a day, place your hands over your heart and say aloud, “Hope lives here.”
  10. Remind yourself that you are not alone. – To lose sleep worrying about a friend.  To have trouble picking yourself up after someone lets you down.  To feel like less because someone didn’t love you enough to stay.  To be afraid to try something new for fear that you will fail.  None of this means you’re dysfunctional or crazy.  It just means you’re human, and that you need a little time to right yourself.  You are not alone.  No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, there are others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it is your mind trying to sell you a lie.
  11. Pay less attention to other people’s opinions of you. – The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences.  Whether someone thinks you’re amazing, or believes you’re terrible, again, is more about them.  I am not suggesting we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback, but I am saying that too much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from taking things personally.  In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
  12. Embrace the new, stronger version of YOU. – You are not who you used to be, and that’s okay.  You’ve been hurt; you’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today.  Over the years, so many things have happened – things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow.  As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed.  Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed.  That’s what life is all about.  I’m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

Afterthoughts

Remember, strength doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from stretching your comfort zone and overcoming all the things you once thought you couldn’t handle.  When you find yourself at your most painful points in life, you are open to the greatest positive change.
In the end, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it.
They turn their wounds into wisdom and strength.

The floor is yours…

How have you turned your wounds into wisdom and strength?  What’s one painful situation that ultimately made you stronger?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

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25 Ways to Stop Feeling Overworked and Overwhelmed

post written by: Angel Chernoff

25 Simple Ways to Avoid the Trap of Overwhelm
by Tess Marshall
The best time to relax and regroup is when you don’t have time for it.
There seems to be an outbreak of overwhelm on this planet.  Everyone believes they have to be busy, on the internet, and on the go every second.
When you feel overworked and overwhelmed, stop and listen to the stories you’re telling yourself about your time, your work, and your life.  In order to change your feelings, you have to change your thoughts.  You could say that your problem with overwhelm is all in your head!
We forget that life happens in the moment.  Nothing else is real.  We only have to live in the now and work on one thing at a time.
Overwhelm doesn’t exist.  It’s an illusion – a story we tell ourselves that offers us an excuse to get out of what we don’t want to do or don’t think we can do.
But we can choose to live our lives one choice and moment at a time.  If you’ve been feeling overworked and overwhelmed lately, the tips below are for you.
  1. Begin each day by doing your most difficult task first.  Set your timer for 30 minutes and begin.  Usually that’s all it takes to get going.  Work until time is up.  You’ll feel less distraction and fear.  You’ll have progress to celebrate.  And with momentum behind you, you’ll be ready to take the next step forward.
  2. Be proactive and get organized.  Clear unnecessary clutter.  Eliminate all but the essential that gives you value.  Organization isn’t about perfection; it’s about efficiency, reducing stress and clutter, saving time and money and improving your overall quality of life.  And be sure to take 15 minutes at the end of your day to clear off your desk; then list your three most important tasks for the following day.
  3. Manage your energy.  Everything around us is made up of energy.  To attract positive things into your life, start by giving off positive energy.  Once you’re in the positive, the secret to getting ahead is to focus all of your energy not on fixing and fighting the old, but on building and growing something new.
  4. Take one day at a time.  No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day.  It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.  (Read The Power of Now.)
  5. Tame perfectionism.  Stop over-thinking and over-analyzing everything.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Let go.  So many creations and inventions never come to fruition because we spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.  And then, once we begin “doing,” we never think what we’re doing is good enough.  Like overwhelm, perfection is an illusion.
  6. Get over feeling like everything is so important.  It isn’t.  Stop overworking yourself.  Don’t exaggerate the importance of things.  Learn to say no to others so you can say yes to yourself.  Learn to go with your own flow.
  7. Remind yourself that you are good enough.  Keep a success journal.  Note what you got right.  Celebrate what goes good.  Create the feeling of success in your mind.  Visualize the end result that you want to see.
  8. Be mindful while you work.  Allow the distractions to float out of your awareness like a passing cloud.  Continue focusing on the task at hand.  Remind yourself that there is nothing to fear.  Focus on being productive, not being busy.
  9. Shift your perspective.  Mix things up.  Take a walk.  Move to another room.  Work in a different chair.  Go to the library.  A different location brings a different perspective and clarity.  Just change your view.
  10. Breathe.  If you’re feeling anxious or fearful, relax your mind and concentrate on your breath.  It connects you to your center and the present moment.  Keep calm.  Yes, the time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.
  11. Make time for quiet.  Listen for guidance.  We avoid getting quiet in order to avoid our problems.  We prefer distraction, busyness and social media.  It’s less painful than admitting we might need to do something different or change.
  12. Make a thought list.  Write down the thoughts that are filling your head.  Write down what you need to do, want to do, and should do.  Write down good ideas and distracting thoughts.  Go back to it later and cross out anything that’s not important, helpful or necessary.
  13. Share the load.  Give up perfectionism and trying to do everything yourself.  Learn to delegate.  If you can’t afford to hire some help, find a way to barter.  Release your burden and allow others to feel needed.
  14. See suffering as a choice.  We create our lives.  We choose to get support or go at it alone.  We decide what to do and when to do it.  We decide when to hang on and when to let go.  Overwhelm is an addiction and an illusion.  We use it to justify an irrational way of living.
  15. Flip your self-talk from negative to positive.  Do these lines sound familiar?  “I’ll never get this finished.”  “I can’t.”  “What else can go wrong?”  “I have too much on my plate.”  Change your self-defeating thoughts around: “I’ll finish one thing at a time.”  “I’m good enough.”  “What can I learn from this?”  “Tomorrow is another day.”  Overwhelm comes from your thinking.  Manage your self-talk and your feelings will change.
  16. Be grateful for what you have now.  Having is about the present moment.  Wanting is about the future.  When your focus is always on what you don’t have now, you’ll never reach a future you’re satisfied with.  And the more you want, the more overwhelmed you’ll feel.
  17. Don’t judge yourself.  Give yourself a break.  Let yourself off the hook.  You’re only human.  There’s no need to compare yourself to others.  Own your strengths.  Learn to think well of yourself.  Tomorrow’s another day.
  18. Let go of the need to feel important.  We are part of a culture that thrives on feeling important through busy-ness.  We live in a society that chases money and fame.  We have a crazy need to be popular.  It’s a trap that keeps us striving instead of thriving.  It’s a choice that brings on feelings of overwhelm.
  19. Make self-care a priority.  If you concentrate on your problems and weaknesses, the world will too.  It believes exactly what you tell it — through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself.  Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy.  And get ready to be accommodated.
  20. Commit to a healthy lifestyle.  Exercise energizes you.  Just do it.  Don’t skip meals when you are under pressure.  Choose real food.  Don’t sleep less to get more done.  Sleep brings focus and clarity.  (Read 8 Weeks to Optimum Health.)
  21. Do what brings you joy.  Visit your favorite book store or coffee shop.  Call your best friend.  Spend time in nature.  Get a massage.  Take a long walk.  Stop the overwork and overwhelm.  Replace them with joy.
  22. Make Sunday a fun-day.  Give yourself a full day for play.  Refill your bucket.  That means catching up on sleep, making time for laughter and fun, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
  23. Be generous.  Over-tip taxi cab drivers and waitresses when you can.  Volunteer in soup kitchens.  Visit the elderly.  Give to those who can’t pay you back.  Because doing so will free your mind and make you feel incredible, and you’ll be making the world a better place to live in.  Seriously, you have not truly lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.
  24. Make time to connect with others face to face.  Life is more than text messages and tweets.  Sometimes the message is lost in the medium.  Take digital breaks and spend more time connecting face-to-face and flesh-to-flesh with the people who matter to you.
  25. Spend more time with the right people.  As Marc said in 1,000 Little Things, “These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.”

Afterthoughts

For the cynics out there who might say that the list of ideas above is too long to reduce overwhelm, there are really only two steps you need to start with:
  1. Identify what’s most important to you.
  2. Eliminate as much as you possibly can of everything else.
And once you get your mind wrapped around this, use the 25 tips above to support your efforts in applying this two-step process to various parts of your life.

Your turn…

What’s been making you feel overworked and overwhelmed lately?  What changes do you need to make?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
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Friday 9 January 2015

10 Things Self-Loving People Do Differently

post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Things Self-Loving People Do Differently
The most powerful relationship you will ever have
is the relationship with yourself.
You can be the most amazing human being in the world and everyone sees rays of light, love and genius when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that external admiration doesn’t matter one bit.  I know because I used to look at people who were successful and happy, and wonder, “What’s their secret?  Why can’t I be that way?”
After a long struggle of dealing with failures, addictions, and self-loathing, I educated myself and came to realize that the reason I couldn’t be happy like the people I envied was that I didn’t love myself the way they loved themselves.
For me, shifting from self-loathing to self-love has been profoundly healing.  Now I see happy, successful people and I smile, knowing that their lives are products of a series of decisions that support their well-being.
Truth be told, every second you spend doubting your worth, and every moment you use to criticize yourself, is a tragic loss – a fresh moment of your life thrown away.  And it’s not like you have forever either, so don’t waste any more of your seconds; don’t throw even one more of your moments away.  Today is the best day to start loving yourself.  Here are ten things self-loving people do differently:

1.  They tell themselves they’re good enough.

This might seem overly simplistic, but it’s absolutely vital.  Tell yourself, “I am ENOUGH!” anytime you begin to feel like your aren’t.  Because sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.  And you are!  Accept your flaws.  Admit your mistakes.  Don’t hide and don’t lie.  Deal with your truth and grow stronger from it.  Your truth won’t penalize you.  You are always good enough just the way you are, to grow stronger than you ever have been before.  The mistakes you make along the way won’t hurt you.  The denial and cover-up will.  Flawed people are beautiful, likeable and teachable.  Fakes and phonies are not.
You are YOU for a reason.  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to love it.  Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama or negativity derail you from your truth, and from loving who you are.

2.  They believe they’re capable of overcoming the challenges they face.

Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.  Self-loving people know this and live accordingly.  It’s how you deal with life’s challenges that determines your level of success and happiness.  Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them.  Joke about your troubles and gather strength from them.  Have fun with the challenges you face and then conquer them.
Will doing so always feel comfortable?  Absolutely not.  But will it be worth it?  You bet ya!  Emotional discomfort in life, when accepted, rises, crests and crashes in a series of waves.  Each wave washes an old layer of you away and deposits treasures you never expected to find.  Out goes inexperience, in comes awareness; out goes frustration, in comes resilience; out goes hatred, in comes kindness.  No one would say these waves of emotional experience are easy to ride, but the rhythm of emotional discomfort that you learn to tolerate while doing so is natural, helpful and necessary.  The discomfort eventually leaves you stronger and healthier than it found you.

3. They choose responsibility over blame.

When something negative happens, self-loving people will look for a way to take responsibility, rather than searching for someone to point a finger at.  They know that placing responsibility and blame elsewhere doesn’t solve the problem – it only stirs anxiety and helplessness.  By choosing to take full responsibility, self-loving people do themselves the favor of encouraging positive change and acceptance rather than stewing in sorrow and stagnation.
Remember this.
You are the only person responsible for your success and happiness.  The best part of your life will start on the day you decide your life is your own – no one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  You are in full control of your present life.  Believe with all your heart that you can do what you were made to do.  It may be tough at times, but refuse to follow some preordained path or look to everyone else for permission.  Make your own rules and have your own game plan.  There is no happiness and success to be found by playing it safe and settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)

4.  They educate themselves.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever.”  Life is a book and those who do not educate themselves read only a few pages.  When you know better, you live better and feel better about yourself.  Self-loving people are keyed into this.  And they know that all education is self-education.  It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting in a college classroom or a coffee shop.  We don’t learn anything we don’t want to learn.  Those who take the time and initiative to pursue knowledge on their own time are the only ones who earn a real education in this world.
Take a look at any widely acclaimed scholar, entrepreneur, artist or historical figure you can think of.  Formal education or not, you’ll find that he or she is a product of continuous self-education – investing copious amounts of time and energy to improve oneself – which, for obvious reasons, is one of the highest forms of self-love.

5. They feed their passions and talents.

If your life is going to mean anything, you have to live it yourself.  You have to choose the path that feels right to YOU, not the one that looks right to everyone else.  Every person in this world feels the gentle tug of fascination toward some idea or activity.  And sometimes that tug isn’t so gentle.
Self-loving people recognize and respect their inner longings as something important, and they devote their time and energy to nourishing those desires.  They know that nourishing their inner hunger is much more important than any fears they might have about what feeding it looks like to others.
So my challenge to you is this: Live your life not as a bystander.  Live in this world, on this day, and everyday hereafter as an active participant.  Every morning, ask yourself what is really important to you, and then find the courage, wisdom and willpower to build your day around your answer.

6.  They teach people how to treat them right.

Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them.  You have to figure out who’s worth your attention and who’s just taking advantage of you.  If your time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships, you can end up in a tedious cycle of fleeting friendships, superficial romances that are as thrilling as they are meaningless, and a general sense of wondering why you always seem to be running in place chasing affection.
That’s why self-loving people approach relationships from a place of self-respect and self-sufficiency.  They don’t expect everyone to like them and they don’t need everyone to.  They know what they need to feel loved and respected and they know what they have to offer others.  So they gently teach the people around them about their boundaries and, if these boundaries are crossed repeatedly, they have enough sense to walk the other way. 

7.  They uphold their standards.

What’s dreadful is to pretend that second-rate is first-rate.  To pretend that you don’t need love and respect when you do.  To lie to yourself and say that everything is OK when it isn’t.  Or to convince yourself that you like your work when you know darn well you’re capable of much better.
Bottom line: Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for the wrong reasons.  It’s about living honorably.  It’s about doing the right thing, no matter what, even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.  At the end of the day, your reputation is what other people know about you.  Your honor is what you know about yourself.

8.  They are present and engaged in the only moment ever guaranteed to them.

Self-loving people value themselves and therefore they value how they spend their time.  They realize that the only moment they ever truly have is the present moment, so they occupy it fully.
Distractions are in the palms of our hands these days, but we need to remember to look up more often.  We need to learn to be more human again.  Don’t avoid eye contact.  Don’t hide behind gadgets.  Smile often.  Ask about people’s stories.  Listen.  So much is lost when we don’t.
The inability to focus in the present leads to a lack of awareness, which can lead to major challenges in communication, and therefore trouble in our most important relationships.  You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are fully engaged.  And you can’t be fully engaged when you’re Facebooking or Snapchatting your life away on your phone.  You just can’t.  If you are constantly attached to your phone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life.  The same is true for texting too.  Yes, a missed MEMORY is worse than a missed TEXT!  (Read The Power of Now.)

9.  They share their abundance.

Self-loving people don’t need to have it all, or even much at all, to feel wealthy enough to share with others.  They know they have it good in some way or another, and they aren’t scared to share it.
Maybe you’re feeling a little down and out right now.  Maybe money is tight.  But I bet if you think long and hard about it, you have some kind of abundance that you could share right now with someone else.  Perhaps you have an abundance of patience, so you could be a listening ear.  Perhaps you have an abundance of knowledge on a particular niche topic that you could share.  Or maybe you have an abundance of strength compared to your elderly neighbor, so you could carry her groceries up the front steps for her.  Even an abundance of smiles can go a long way in brightening the day of others along your path.
And as you know, life is a circle.  What goes around eventually comes back around.

10.  They don’t beat themselves up over the uncontrollable.

Self-loving people know there are times in our lives when we’re meant to sit, stuck in the muck, and fester for a little while.  When we need to feel the ache of uncertainty deep in our hearts and minds so that, ultimately, we learn how to surrender to the fact that as much as we might try to plan and control and force an outcome, some things in life don’t happen until they are ready to happen.
And sometimes the good things happening end too soon.  But again, self-loving people don’t fight it.  They know these endings are the perfect time for self-reflection that can lead to self-renewal, gratitude for our experiences, and a solid start to new chapters of our lives.

Closing Exercise

Divide a piece of paper into two columns.  In one column, write down all the things you like about yourself – your personal strengths, difficult situations you’ve overcome, people whose lives you’ve touched, personal accomplishments, and values that increase your self-respect.  On the other side, make a list of your personal weaknesses or issues that you still struggle with – perhaps you’re selfish sometimes, or avoid taking responsibility, or maybe you haven’t followed through with your commitments.  Whatever these issues are, bring them out into the light of day to be examined, and they will automatically feel less shameful.
At the end of the exercise, read both the strengths and the weaknesses column aloud.  Next, put your hand on your heart and tell yourself, “I am strong.  I am weak.  I am flawed.  I am broken.  I am learning.  I am vulnerable.  I am human.  And despite all of this, I give myself permission to love myself unconditionally.  I am a growing, evolving being who uses past mistakes as fuel for my journey of growth.  I accept myself as I am, and I set an intention to become the best version of ME.”
Re-read this post and do this exercise often.  Spend time meditating on the habits and patterns in your life that serve you and those that hold you back.  Connect with the pain that disconnection from yourself has caused, and hold it gently in your awareness.  By doing these things, you’ll grow in self-awareness, mindfulness and self-love.  And when you learn it is enough to be you, you will also learn to accept and love other people with more compassion and less judgment.

The floor is yours…

Which of the points in this post have you struggled with in the past?  How will you love yourself more today?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
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Wednesday 7 January 2015

12 Little Habits that Stole Your Happiness Last Year

post written by: Marc Chernoff12 Little Habits that Stole Your Happiness Last Year

This is a new year.  A new beginning.  And things will change.
Are you tired of dealing with the same type of headaches and heartaches over and over and over again?
Seriously, it’s time to purge some bad habits as we begin a New Year.  It’s time to learn from your mistakes rather than be conquered by them, and let your errors be of commission rather than omission.
Remember, you ultimately become what you repeatedly do.  If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you.  Here are 12 common examples of the latter that stole happiness from hundreds of our coaching clients last year:
  1. Sticking exclusively with what you already know. – When you stop learning you stop living a meaningful life.  This is the truth.  Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar and comfortable territory.  It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable.  You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings and experiences.  Your own perspective will become clearer when you look at things from different angles.  Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.
  2. Resisting life’s inevitable and necessary changes. – There will always be more tough changes to make.  Always!  And yes, this growth can be painful.  Change can be painful.  But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong.  You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago or a week ago.  You’re always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life.  It takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage, still, to accept responsibility for making the change happen.  But doing so is worth every bit of effort you can muster.
  3. Letting others define what’s possible for you and your life. – Some people will kill you over time if you let them; and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, seemingly harmless phrases like, “Be realistic.”  When this happens, close your ears and listen to your inner voice instead.  Remember that real success in life isn’t what others see, but how you feel inside.  It’s living your truth and doing what makes you feel alive.  There will come a time when your back is up against the wall and you’ll realize all you can do is say, “I’m sorry, I’m doing things my way this time!”  That’s the earth-shattering moment you stop planning for someone else’s expectations and start making progress on what’s truly important to YOU.  That’s when you begin to live life according to your own morals and values.  And that’s when you can finally be happy and free.
  4. Focusing on everyone’s story except your own. – Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own.  And don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 15.  Unfold your own tale and bring it to life.  You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming.  Incredible change happens when you decide to take control.  This means consuming less and creating more.  It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking and deciding for you.  It means learning to respect and use your own ideas and instincts to write your passage.  If you want your life story to soar to new heights this year, you’ve got to clear a path, reduce the time-sinks and burdens weighing you down, and pick up the things that give you wings.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.
  5. Focusing on every little problem. – The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our attitudes, not our circumstances.  If you’re stressed out by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your interpretation of it; and this is something you have the power to change at any moment.  In other words, frustration and stress come from the way you react, not the way things are.  Adjust your attitude, and the frustration and stress is gone.  (Read The How of Happiness.)
  6. Wanting to be more right than everyone else. – When it’s suddenly more important to win arguments than to love people, we need to start all over again with our priorities.  Remember, truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong.  They know that finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right.  And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned.  In fact, sometimes we must choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride.  When two people who care about each other fight, both are wrong.  They have put some kind of superficial outcome over love and compromise.  The one who apologizes and makes up first is the one who is right.
  7. Holding on to someone who continuously and deliberately hurts you. – Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.  Forgiveness is important, but when someone hurts you time and time again, purposely, you have to accept the fact that they don’t care about you.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine.  Do NOT strive to impress them anymore.  Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them.  Nothing needs to be proven.  Do not act with any thought of them for the foreseeable future.  Create space for yourself and dedicate your time and energy to rediscovering your happiness and peace of mind.
  8. Being more loving to others than you are to yourself. – Life gets a lot easier when you are your own best friend.  So don’t forget about YOU out there, and don’t be too hard on yourself either.  There are plenty of others that will do both of these things for you.  There’s absolutely nothing selfish about self-care.  If you don’t take good care of yourself then you can’t take good care of anyone else.  Because we can’t give what we don’t have.  Treat yourself right and you’ll be life-giving to others.  And know that there’s a big difference between self-care and…
  9. Being too self-absorbed. – Generosity is what keeps the things you own from owning you.  In other words, generosity isn’t just to help others, it’s also to liberate you.  Which is why you cannot live abundantly until you have done something nice for someone who can never repay you.  Know this and live graciously.  There is no exercise better for your heart and mind than reaching down and lifting people up.
  10. Expecting everyone else to be as kind and caring as you are. – Bottom line: You will end up very disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them.  Not everyone has the same heart as you.  (Read Loving What Is.)
  11. Expecting to never lose anything. – It’s incredibly tough to comprehend at times, but there’s a reason for everything.  We must know the pain of loss, because if we never knew it, we would have little compassion for others and we would become bigheaded monsters of egoism – creatures of sheer self-interest, never being happy with what we have.  The awful pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to warm-up a cold heart, and make an even better person out of a good one.  So remember that no book is just one chapter.  No chapter tells the whole story.  No hardship defines who you are.  Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.
  12. Letting yesterday’s displeasures defeat you. – Don’t live with disappointment, live beyond it.  You cannot stop what has already happened, but you can let it make you stronger and more determined.  The journey to emotional maturity requires that you review the events in your life to find the wisdom and purpose they contain.  And a time will inevitably come in your life when you finally get it.  When in the midst of all your hesitation and frustration you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, “ENOUGH!”  This is the turning point that ultimately leads to healing and growth.  So as we begin a new year, close the door on your past, open the door to your future, take a deep breath, take a step forward, and start a new chapter in your life.

Afterthoughts

As I’ve mentioned before, if you’re struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone.  Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives and relationships on track.
The bottom line is that it’s never too late to take a step in the right direction.  It’s never too late to become the person you are capable of being.  Things can change if you want them to, at any age.  Right now you have the opportunity of a lifetime.

The floor is yours…

What stole a little too much of your happiness last year?  What changes are you going to make this year to reclaim your happiness?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
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15 Ways to Live a Year with No Regrets


post written by: Marc Chernoff

15 Ways to Live a Year with No Regrets
It’s a choice.  To be positive and free, or to be imprisoned by your own negativity.  To live in the past, or to be hopeful about the present.
With 2014 now behind us, I’m sitting here on the eighth anniversary of a dear family member’s passing, thinking about the last conversation I had with her.  With a soft, weak voice she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the final two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  “I’ve accomplished so much recently,” she told me.  “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.”
Her words have been a pulsing wake-up call to me ever since.  And today, I hope they help change your perspective too.
As Kurt Vonnegut once said, “Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are: “It might have been.”
So with a New Year upon you, realize that you have a priceless opportunity!  Forget the past year.  Forget your age and what could’ve or should’ve been.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  At the end of it, let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets.
Here are 15 great ideas to get you to December 31st, 2015 with a smile on your face and a sense of accomplishment in your heart…
  1. Be the leader of your own journey. – There are far too many capable people who don’t pursue their dreams and goals because they let their fears, or others, talk them out of it.  They give up before they even try and simply let life’s river flow them downstream.  Choose to be stronger than that.  Choose to swim upstream when you have to.  Choose to do the things in life that move you.  Let others lead small lives.  Let others argue over small things.  Let others cry over small wounds.  Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands.  But not YOU.
  2. Embrace uncertainty. – Sometimes what you don’t want is exactly what you need.  Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.  Some of the most incredible chapters in your life won’t have a title you feel comfortable with until much later.
  3. Take calculated risks. – There is no excuse for being an amateur forever.  Life is short.  The day is rapidly approaching when the risk to remain perched in your nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  Fly!  Spread your wings.  Start now.  What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face…)
  4. Don’t just study it.  DO it! – Knowledge combined with intention and action will organize the fulfillment of almost any desire.  Yet so many people miss the final step.  The action!  So pound this into your head: The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing – growing happens when what you know changes the actions you choose to live by on a daily basis.  It’s about learning AND DOING!
  5. Put diligent effort into your biggest goals. – Are you willing to spend time for a few years like most people won’t, so you can spend the better part of your life like most people can’t?  Think about that for a second.  If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs.  Most people want the reward without the risk.  The shine without the grind.  But that’s laziness, and laziness does not pay.  Effort pays.  The time and energy you invest in focused effort is never wasted.  So remember… Expecting to win without preparation and hard work is arrogance.  Expecting to win because you’ve prepared and worked hard is confidence – and that’s what you need to succeed in the long run.
  6. Think you CAN. – Truthfully, if it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.  And change breeds growth.  So when a goal seems big and a plan looks tough, just begin, push through it for awhile, and soon the next thing you need to do will look possible.  Step by step you can get through anything – this is the truth and you have to believe it.  In the end, you’re going to succeed because you’re crazy enough to think you can.
  7. Respond with the power of your positivity. – Talking about our problems can be an unhealthy addiction.  Break the habit and talk about your joys, victories and blessings instead.  Envision problems no longer being a problem to you.  Envision the frustrations around you no longer frustrating you.  Envision a day where you are no longer limited by limited thinking.  Envision old obstacles no longer being able to hold you back.  Now consider this: Your life is the way it is not because of what happens, but because of how you respond to it.  If you can truly envision that the problems are not problems at all, that’s the way it will be.  If you can sincerely imagine that the obstacles can’t hold you back, they won’t be able to.
  8. Flow with life, rather than against it. – Instead of resenting what you must do, just get it done.  Transform the energy of resentment into the satisfaction of achievement.  When you choose to love what you’re doing, you’ll be able to do more of what you love.  It’s a truly fulfilling way to live.  In this moment is everything you are and everything you need.  So allow your actions to add positive value to the moment.  Rather than making judgments about what’s enjoyable and what’s not, make the choice to simply enjoy what is, and then make the best of it.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
  9. Be extra kind to people. – The person you mistakenly take for granted today may turn out to be the only person you need tomorrow.  Which is why you must remember to…
  10. Value what money can’t buy. – People who spend all their time trying to make money, spend all their money trying to make time.  Don’t do this to yourself.  This year, be wealthy in healthy relationships too.
  11. Share your love openly and honestly with those you love. – No matter what, you’re going to lose people in your life.  Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together.  Don’t learn this lesson the hard way.  Express your love.  Tell people what you need to tell them.  Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable.  You never know when you might lose your opportunity.
  12. Be wise enough to walk away from needless negativity. – Other people’s negativity is rarely worth dealing with.  Let them work it out on their own time.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness and bad behavior change the person you are.  And…
  13. Forget trying to please every stranger you meet. – Some people are not going to agree with you or like you no matter what you do or what you say.  Get over it and get on with your life.  No one has the right to judge you anyway.  They may have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through.  So forget what they say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and do your best to…
  14. Let your presence overpower your fear of judgment. – When you’re in a social situation that’s making you anxious, train yourself to be present without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgment.  This is your choice.  You CAN change the way you think.  For instance, if you were performing life-saving, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on your mom in public, you’d be 100% focused and present.  You wouldn’t be thinking about what bystanders thought of your hair, your body type or the brand of jeans you were wearing.  All these inconsequential details would vanish from your consciousness.  The intensity of the situation would motivate you to choose not to care about what others think of you.  This proves, quite simply, that thinking about what others are thinking about you is YOUR CHOICE.
  15. Say “goodbye” so you can say “hello.” – In life, goodbyes are a gift.  When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold onto them or pray to keep them present in your life.  If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the plan for the next step of your life.  It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different and something more, and life is simply making room.  So embrace your goodbyes, because every “goodbye” you receive sets you up for an even better “hello.”

Afterthoughts

If you’re struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone.  Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and live a life free of regrets. 
The bottom line is that it’s never too late to take a step in the right direction.  It’s never too late to become the person you are capable of being.  Things can change if you want them to, at any age.  Right now you have an opportunity to write yourself a New Year full of peace and free of regret.

The floor is yours…

What else would you add to the list?  What do you want to do in the next year that you know you will not regret?  Leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Boyd Meiklejohn


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