12 Things You Need to Remind Yourself of When You Wake Up

post written by: Angel Chernoff

Each morning is a brand new opportunity.  What you do today is what matters most.  Today is another chance to get it right.

We may not always love everything about our lives, but deep down we do love and appreciate the magic of life itself.  Some part of us believes that everything and anything is possible.
Sadly, though, we don’t always believe these possibilities are within our reach, even when they are.  The problem is we choose to believe otherwise.  We choose to believe we are incapable of living our lives the way we want to live them, at our full potential.  We choose to accept our reality as others have told us it has to be.
Wake up!
We don’t have to do this to ourselves – none of us do.  We have a choice.  We don’t have to be complacent.  We don’t have to fall into line.  Why not stir things up a bit and live by better rules?
It’s time to remind yourself of a few key truths – right now and every morning hereafter:

1. Today can be great, but only if you make it so. – Why do we often feel so powerless?  Because we convince ourselves that we are.  We wait for things to be given to us – entitlements.  But in life, there are no true entitlements, and the truth is that if you want something then you need to make it happen for yourself.  You need to work for it.  Whether or not today is a great day doesn’t depend on the weather.  It doesn’t depend on your “mood” (that’s also within your control).  It doesn’t depend on anyone else.  If you want to have a pleasant and productive day then choose to have one.  It’s all about your perception and what you choose to believe and do.
2. There is a lot you CAN control. – There are plenty of things in life that are out of our control, but don’t let this fool you into believing that your life as a whole is out of your control.  The reality is, the life you are living is almost entirely by your own design.  You have made many little choices along the way that led you down the road you’re currently traveling.  Saying that your life is out of your control is a copout – it’s what other people want you to believe so that they have an easier time getting you to do what they want you to do.
3. You do not need anyone’s constant approval. – The need for approval is like an addiction.  If you base all your actions on the approval of others, ultimately you find yourself running in place, sacrificing your own happiness.  Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.  Learn how to say “no” to people and obligations that do not add value to your life.  Your time on this planet is precious.  As the saying goes, “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.”  Don’t wait around for someone else to give you permission to live.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)
4. Complaining is useless unless you can suggest a solution. – Do not be a constant complainer.  It doesn’t help you and it certainly doesn’t help your relationships.  If you do not like your current situation, work towards changing it, but don’t just sit around complaining about it.  Complaining will only make others nearby not want to be around you.  Be someone that looks at the positive aspects of situations.  And if you do find a problem that needs to be addressed, be someone that suggests a solution.  The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.  Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it.
5. Success is a lifestyle, not a result. – We all want to achieve success, but we need to remember that success in not a specific achievement.  Success is not crossing over some arbitrary finishing line.  It’s the ability to fight the good fight day in and day out.  Success is strength – the strength to keep pushing and to keep living your life on your own terms.  Success isn’t an end result.  It’s a state of being.  You don’t win success.  You are a success every day.
6. The fact that you haven’t given up is a success in itself. – It may give you little comfort to think about how you’re still waist deep in the struggle, but the truth is you are one of the strong people with the guts to keep at it.  Many people give up before they even begin, but not you.  No, you wake up every day and get things done.  You crawl inch by inch against the current because you refuse to give up.  You refuse to accept mediocrity.  You refuse to listen to others when they tell you that you’re not good enough.  You’re still in it, fighting the good fight.  
7. In every tough situation, kindness must be attempted first. – People may make ugly comments.  The airline carrier may lose your baggage.  Another driver may cut you off in rush-hour traffic.  These situations will happen daily.  The question is: How are you going to respond?  Although your first response, like many others, will be to get upset, why not try a different approach?  Anger in these situations never solves problems.  People are far more likely to respond aptly to kindness.  And you can be kind and be firm at the same time.  Get your point across without sacrificing your integrity.  It’s the only response you will not regret later.
8. Bullies and energy vampires are not worth worrying about. – We sometimes allow the wrong people to take up too much space in our heads and hearts.  We meet energy vampires and bullies regularly – especially when we live in a big city or work in a large, cutthroat corporate environment.  These individuals will try to get to you – they will try to influence you and become a part of your life because they find their own life to be mundane.  They already poisoned their own lives and now they are looking to poison yours.  Don’t let them get to you.
9. If someone hurts you, don’t take it personally. – Truth be told, if someone hurts you, chances are, they have been hurt themselves.  So do your best to never take anything too personally.  Don’t let compliments get to your head and don’t let insults get to your heart.  Most people can only give others what they have received themselves.  All your actions and words should come from a place of love, but not everyone will be loving in return, and that’s OK.  As Miguel Ruiz explained in his book The Four Agreements, when you do not take anything personally, you liberate yourself.  You can open yourself to the world, freely, and not have to worry about the judgments of others.
10. Your focused presence matters. – While modern technology can be life-changing in many beneficial ways, there is an aspect of this technology that greatly interferes with our lives and relationships.  Do not be so addicted to a screen that you miss out on the opportunity to enjoy real life unfolding in front of you.  Learn to disconnect.  Learn to slow down.  Give people your full and undivided attention.  Do not seek mindless stimulation on a screen for no reasons, and refocus on nurturing real human connections.
11. Good things in life end too soon when they aren’t appreciated. – This isn’t to say that appreciating what you have when you have it comes naturally – our minds tend to consider the possibility that the grass on the other side is greener.  But we need to mindfully remind ourselves that life isn’t about constantly upgrading things.  To live a happy, fulfilling life we have to learn to appreciate and love what we have.  If you fall in love then do your sincere best to nurture your love.  Don’t wait for things to end before you start appreciating them.
12. Today is a blessing. – Think about how many people die every minute of every day and you’ll begin to realize that waking up in the morning is a blessing.  We don’t live in a world of perpetual peace, but one laden with bouts of chaos.  On top of this, accidents do happen and people get severely injured and die because of them.  Getting another day to breathe, to experience life, and to do something meaningful is the greatest gift one can receive.  Make today count!

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something positive you like to remind yourself of every day?  Leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
Photo by: Noelle Buske

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10 Things Happy People Never Do Again

post written by: Marc Chernoff

“Happiness is not a goal; it’s the by-product of a life well lived.”
―Eleanor Roosevelt

We all make mistakes in life, but the people who learn and grow from their mistakes are the happiest ones in the end.
Life is change.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them in a way that prevents them from being the same person they once were.  But as my grandmother always told me, this is a very good thing.  As long as you keep learning and stretching yourself, change is growth.
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that things will never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.
Over the past decade, Angel and I helped thousands of coaching clients and blog subscribers get their lives back on track.  In the process of doing so, we have discovered that the people who have the greatest potential for renewed happiness seem to have specific “aha” moments that totally change the trajectory of their thoughts and behaviors.  Once this “aha” light bulb goes off in their minds, they awaken to a new reality that motivates them to never go back to their old way of doing things.
In short, these “aha” moments mean they got it.  Whatever it was they were doing or thinking that was holding them back, is now a lesson learned and a thing of the past.
Although life has many important lessons to teach us, Angel and I have observed and studied ten specific gateways – or “aha’s” – of learning that the happiest people go through, never to return again.
Happy people never again…

1. Try to be anyone other than who they are. – In everything you do, you must ask, “Why am I doing this?  Is this helping me grow?  Does it represent who I am and who I hope to become?”  Truth be told, trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Be yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.
2. Attempt to be everything to everyone. – It’s impossible to please everyone, and you shouldn’t try.  Period.  Some people will constantly tell you what you did wrong, and then hesitate to compliment you for what you did right.  Don’t be one of them, and don’t pay attention to them.  Once you get that it truly is impossible to please everyone, you begin to live more purposefully, trying to please only the right people.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)
3. Try to change other people. – You can’t change people; they can only change themselves.  Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.  If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t.  If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.  When you realize that you can’t force people into doing something, even if it’s for their own good, you give them freedom and allow them to experience the consequences.  And in doing so, you find your own freedom as well.
4. Make the same exact mistake. – You have to respect the wise words of Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  So whether you’re in a business situation that isn’t making any progress, or a broken relationship that has proven to be unhealthy, you should never step back into same situation, expecting different results, without something specific and measurable actually being different.
5. Choose short-term pleasure over long-term happiness. – You have to do exactly the opposite – sacrifice short-term pleasure for long-term happiness.  Happy people are more interested in something being effective than they are in something being easy.  While everyone else is looking for the quickest shortcut, they look for the course of action which will produce the best results over the long term.  Living out this principle every single day is one of the most fundamental differences between people who live truly rewarding lives and those who don’t, both personally and professionally.
6. Expect people and situations to be perfect. – It’s natural for us to be drawn to situations and people that appear to be amazing.  We love excellence and should always be looking for it.  We should pursue people who are great at what they do, coworkers and employees who are high performers, mates who are extraordinary people, friends who have stellar character, and business partners who excel.  But never lose sight of this simple truth: Nothing and nobody is perfect.  Period.  No one and no thing is flawless, and if they appear that way, and you expect them to always be that way, you will only disappoint yourself.
7. Let one dark cloud cover the entire sky. – Take a deep breath.  It’s just a bad moment, or a bad day, not a bad life.  Everyone has troubles.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.  For happy people, no one event is ever the whole story.  They remind themselves of this fact each and every day.
8. Neglect responsibility for managing their life situation. – Simply put, happy people don’t blame others or defer their authority.  They take complete responsibility for their actions and outcomes, or their lack thereof.  They know it’s up to them, and only them, to assess and manage their circumstances.  Laziness just won’t cut it.  No matter how good something looks at first, it is only by owning your situation and taking a deeper, diligent, and sincere look that you will find out what you truly need to know: the truth that you owe to yourself.
9. Classify themselves as a victim. – Yes, it’s unfortunate that sometimes bad things happen to the best of people.  Life can be unfair, unkind and downright unjust.  However, being stuck in a victim mentality does not nurture your ability to move onward and upward.  You’ve got to stand back up and take positive steps to heal and grow.  One of the biggest differences between truly happy people and others is that in every difficult life situation – relationships, career, business, money, etc. – happy people always ask themselves, “What part am I playing in this situation?  And what are my options from this point forward?”  (Read Second Firsts.)
10. Allow external achievements to overshadow inner happiness. – We are happy and fulfilled mostly by who we are on the inside.  Scientific research has validated this time and time again.  And our internal lives largely contribute to producing many of our external circumstances.  The problem is that when we think we have to “look” for things in life like love, meaning and inspiration, the “looking” implies that these things are somehow hiding behind some bushes somewhere, just waiting to be discovered.  So we start looking for these things in places that lead us further and further outside ourselves, which is not where our happiness lives.

Afterthoughts

If you’re struggling with any of the points above, know that you are not alone.  We all struggle with these things at times.  Sometimes we repeat mistakes many times before we are able to say “aha” and finally get it.  Just do your best to look for the patterns that are holding you back, and then gradually eliminate them.  That’s really it…
Your task, in life, in relationships, and in business, is to observe what is NOT working for you, and never go back to doing these things.

Your turn…

What’s one “aha” moment that has helped you find more happiness?  What else has been hurting your happiness that you need to never do again?   Leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Amanda

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16 Reasons You’re Succeeding in Life (Even If You Don’t Feel You Are)

post written by: Marc Chernoff

It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.

At times we all feel less than successful.  We feel like we’re running in place, struggling to make even the slightest bit of progress.  And while this is a perfectly normal feeling, you have to ultimately break free from it and see yourself and your life in a more positive light.
The key is to pay attention to the small things.  Just because you’re not where you want to be, doesn’t mean you’re a failure.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  To be truly happy and successful today doesn’t mean you don’t desire more in the future, it means you are sincerely thankful for what you have already accomplished and patient for everything yet to come.
Every morning when you wake up, think of three things that are going well in your life at the moment.  As you fall asleep every night, fill your mind with an appreciation for all the small things that went well during the day.  Examine your daily successes.
Give the power of your thinking to the positive influences in your life, and they will grow stronger and more influential every day.  Remind yourself of what works well and why, and you’ll naturally find ways to make lots of other things work well too.  The most efficient way to enjoy more success in life is not to obsess yourself with what hasn’t worked, but instead to extend and expand upon the success you already know.
Here are some much-needed reminders – sixteen good reasons you’re already succeeding in life:

1. You are walking your own path, not anyone else’s. – One of the most foundational sources of both success and happiness is simply being comfortable with who you really are.  Not trading your reality for a role or your truth for an act.  Not giving up your freedom of thought.  Not putting on a mask.  So never let anyone’s ignorance, hate, drama or negativity stop you.  If you desire to make a difference in the world, you must continue to be different from the world.  Don’t be scared to walk alone on your own path, and don’t be scared to like it.
2. You are gradually working through your fears. – As you know, running from fear is a race you’ll never win.  In fact, what you’re afraid of dealing with is often precisely what will set you free.  So keep doing what you’ve been doing – take another step forward today.  Don’t let your fear decide your future.  Don’t let it shut you down.  Instead, let it wake you up!  Take chances and indulge in the excitement.  Tell yourself that the fear of suffering is far worse than the suffering itself.  Convince yourself that everything you want is on the other side of fear.  Because it is.  (Read Start.)
3. You have not let failure stop you. – Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading toward success.  Oftentimes our greatest insight comes from our failure, not from our accomplishments.  It’s a matter of taking each lesson and stepping forward with it.  At the end of the day, whether you choose to go with it, flow with it, resist it, change it, or hide from it, life goes on.  If what you did today didn’t turn out as you hoped, tomorrow is a new opportunity try again, or to do something totally different.  What’s important is to realize that you have a choice.
4. You learn something new and grow stronger every day. – To find the best path forward we must occasionally stray from it.  There are no wrong turns; only paths we didn’t know we were meant to walk.  In the end, to be a success you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to remain perfectly capable of improving.  Keep letting your mistakes strengthen you.  Life is a series of little journeys.  Allow each step to be a teachable moment.  And don’t confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it’s stormy sometimes, doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.
5. You have overcome some considerable obstacles. – Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.  Nothing!  There is a benefit and a blessing hidden in the folds of every experience and every outcome.  Consider the possibility that the little obstacles in your life’s path are not obstacles at all, but stepping-stones to amazing places.
6. You do your best to love what is. – A big part of success and happiness is not getting everything you want, but mindfully wanting what you get.  After all, stress is resistance to what is.  Continue to accept what comes to you totally and completely, so you can appreciate it, learn from it and then let it go.  Sometimes the best possible response is simply allowing yourself to be at peace with what is, rather than wishing for, and bemoaning, what is not.  It’s about doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt.
7. You try to be as present as possible. – We all have two lives.  And the second one starts now, when we realize that we only have one.  Really, nothing is worth more than today.  Because you can’t change yesterday or accurately predict tomorrow, but you can ruin today – your real life – by worrying about those two illusory eternities.  So stay present and focus on what you can create today.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.  (Read The Power of Now.)
8. You love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of everyone else loving you. – Putting yourself first does not mean being “selfish.”  It means being self-aware.  It means never forgetting to love yourself, too.
9. You don’t judge people. – People are sometimes too quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.  You know this and you graciously do the opposite.  It’s impressive, really.  Because it’s much easier to judge people than it is to understand them.  Understanding takes extra kindness and patience, and this “extra” is worth it.  This “extra” makes a big difference in the end.
10. You are the reason some people smile. – Do not miss a chance – not one single, tiny opportunity – to tell someone how wonderful they are and how beautiful they are, inside and out.
11. You have incredible people in your life. – Your capacity to be both effective and happy is directly related to the quality of people whom most closely surround you every single day.  Having just one or two of these people a phone call away is truly a priceless blessing.  These relationships are worth celebrating.
12. You have been selfless in your closest relationships. – Almost every immoral action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive.  It is a trait we hate in other people but often justify in ourselves.  The fact that you have made sacrifices for people you love is remarkable in every way.  I know it’s not easy.  It’s one of the very hardest parts of loving someone – you have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up, selflessly.
13. You have given up doing things for others out of guilt. – Sometimes we give in to our loved one’s requests out of guilt.  But we need to stop feeling guilty for not giving the people we care about everything they want.  It’s sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but we foster the attitude of entitlement in our lives and relationships when we are ruled by a guilty conscience.  It’s OK to say “no” to friends and family sometimes.  You know this, so just keep doing what you know is right, and never let false guilt get the best of you.
14. You aren’t overspending to impress or satisfy others. – I think it’s good for our friends and family to hear us say, “I can’t afford that” or “We will have to save for it.”  Because that’s real life.  We don’t have all the money in the world to buy everything we could ever want.  If you think about it, I bet you’ve known families before who are working multiple jobs to drive luxury cars and keep their kids in expensive extracurricular activities, when honestly, everyone would be happier and better off with more family and friendship time and less financial stress.
15. You respect yourself enough to never let anyone walk all over you. – A simple reminder, but so very important:  Never, ever submit your self-worth or moral values to a relationship.  True love and friendship can flower only under the sun of mutual respect.  Some people may try to trample your garden and walk all over you, but you don’t have to sit there and take it.  Period.
16. You know you can’t please everyone, and you don’t try. – That’s right.  Keep standing strong.  Don’t let the negative opinions of others derail you.  Ultimately, there are two kinds of people – those who are a drain on your energy and creative force, and those who give you energy and support your growth.  Avoid the first kind.  May the bridges you burn light your way.  Just be happy, be honest and be true to yourself every day.  If others don’t like it, let them be.  Success in life isn’t about pleasing everyone.

Afterthoughts

If you can’t check-off every point from this list, no big deal.  This list is just a rough guideline.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance, our own way.  But keep in mind, the principle still applies:
Success is not a skill; it’s a persistent attitude.  It’s not a place you arrive at; it’s a process you live through.  It’s what you do every day.  It’s what you are doing now…
You are succeeding in life.  You just have to believe it.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one successful, positive part of your life that you often overlook?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Martina K.

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20 Habits Happy People Have (But Never Talk About)

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from your own actions.
―Dalai Lama

Over the past decade, between the two of us, Angel and I have read 1,000+ books on happiness, coached 10,000+ people who were struggling to find happiness, and interacted with 100,000+ subscribers who continue to ask us questions about happiness every single day.
All of this has given us keen insight into the specific behaviors that make human beings happy.  We’ve literally watched people go from feeling down in the dumps to being on top of the world in a matter of weeks, simply by making subtle, effective changes to their daily habits.
Not surprisingly though, once these people get it figured out, their “happiness habits” become second nature to them, and thus, they never talk about them.  Bystanders may witness their public displays of contentment, but remain clueless as to the source of their happiness.  So that’s precisely what I want to discuss today – the habits happy people have, but never talk about.

1. They don’t get caught up in other people’s drama. – Never, ever create unnecessary drama, and don’t put up with those who spew drama your way.  The happiest people I’ve ever met care less about what random people say about them, especially if their remarks are rude.  In fact, happy people are often thankful for all the rude, obnoxious, and difficult people they meet in life, because these people serve as important reminders of how NOT to be.  They simply smile and walk the other way.  I challenge you to follow in their footsteps.
2. They give to others whenever they are able. – While giving is considered an unselfish act (and it is), giving can also be more beneficial for the giver than the receiver.  In many cases, providing social support is actually more beneficial to our happiness than receiving it.  Happy people know this, which is precisely why they are always looking for ways to help others, while unhappy people stand around asking, “What’s in it for me?”
3. They nurture their important relationships. – Finding Flow, an interesting psychology book on happiness, reveals national survey data showing that when someone claims to have five or more friends with whom they can discuss important problems, they are 60% more likely to say they are happy.  The number of friends isn’t the important aspect here; it’s the effort you put into your relationships that matters.  Studies show that even the best relationships dissolve over time; so a close connection with someone is something you need to continually earn and never take for granted.
4. They leave space to love themselves too. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone else too much, and completely forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, nurture others, but don’t forget about yourself.  Happy people know self-love isn’t selfish.  They put their needs first because they see the power of showing up fully for others.  When you take care of yourself, you are better able to help the people you care about.  If you sacrifice all your needs in order to help them, you’re only showing up as a shell of your true self.
5. They focus on effectiveness over popularity. – Never confuse popularity with effectiveness.  Being popular means you’re liked for awhile.  Being effective means you’ve made a difference.  And it’s this feeling of knowing you made a difference that matters in the end.
6. They say “no” when they need to. – Saying “yes” to everything puts you on the fast track to being miserable.  Feeling like you’re doing busywork is often the result of saying “yes” to too much.  We all have obligations, but a comfortable pace can only be found by properly managing your yeses.  So stop saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”  You can’t always be agreeable; that’s how people take advantage of you.   Sometimes you have to set clear boundaries.
7. They sincerely practice gratitude. – Gratitude is arguably the king of happiness.  What’s the research say?  Can’t be any more clear than Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky’s insight in The How of Happiness: “…the more a person is inclined to gratitude, the less likely he or she is to be depressed, anxious, lonely, envious, or neurotic.”  Bottom line:  Consider how very fortunate you are.  Consider it every day.  The more you count your blessings, the more blessings there will be to count, and the happier you will be.
8. They cultivate optimism. – The happiest people do not live with a certain set of circumstances, but rather with a certain set of attitudes.  They have the ability to manufacture their own optimism.  No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the gal who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it.  She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life.  People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
9. They don’t attach themselves to every success and failure. – Happy, successful people are often successful in the long run for one simple reason: they think about success and failure differently.  They don’t take everything that goes wrong personally, and they don’t get a big head when everything goes right either.  Follow in their footsteps.  Be a humble, life-long learner.  Never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart.
10. They develop strategies for coping in hard times. – A happy life and a meaningful life are not necessarily the same thing.  It’s hard to be happy when tragedy strikes, for instance.  But who lives longer and fares better after problems?  I’ve witnessed and experienced enough hardships to confidently know the answer: those who find benefits in their struggles.  How you respond to the hard times is what shapes your character.  Remember, you become what you believe.  Look at things objectively.  Find the lesson and move forward.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart for too long.
11. They see rejection as protection from what’s not meant to be. – Rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.  It means you have more time to improve your thing – to build upon your ideas, to perfect your craft, and indulge deeper into the work that moves you.  Happy people know this and they don’t take rejection personally.  The guy who didn’t call back, the potential job that didn’t pan out, or the business loan rejection letter are all universal signs that it wasn’t the best fit.  Trust that something better suited for you is on its way.
12. They are focused on the present. – Never let your past dictate who you are today, but let it be a lesson that’s part of who you will become tomorrow.  No regrets.  No looking back in anger.  Just hold on to life and move forward.  We have no way of knowing what lies ahead, but that’s what makes the journey even more exciting – that’s what makes life worth living today.  Happy people know this, and that’s precisely why they make the most of the present.
13. They dedicate time to meaningful pursuits. – When the Guardian recently asked a hospice nurse about the The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common regrets was that people regretted not being true to their dreams.  When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it’s easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.  Most people do not honor even half of their dreams and end up dying knowing that it was due to choices they made, or didn’t make.  Good health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.  As they say, there are seven days in the week, and “someday” isn’t one of them.
14. They are fully committed to their top priorities. – If you’re interested in something, you will do what is convenient.  If you’re committed to something, you will do whatever it takes.  Period.  And ultimately, it’s commitment that creates outcomes worth smiling about.
15. They embrace discomfort for mastery of a desired skill. – Struggle is the evidence of progress, and happy people live by this.  They generally have a “signature strength” they are motivated to practice, even if the learning process is sometimes stressful.  Why?  Because they feel happy and satisfied when they look back on the progress they’ve made.  The bottom line is that being terrible at something is the first step to being pretty darn good at it.  The rewards of becoming great at something in the long run far outweigh the short-term stress of mastery.
16. They take care of their physical health. – There’s no getting around it: no matter how much you think you dislike exercise, it will make you feel better if you stick with it.  If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected.  In fact, did you know that recent studies conducted on people who were battling depression showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft?  Even better, six months later the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.
17. They spend money on experiences, rather then needless stuff. – Happy people are often mindful of spending money on physical items, opting instead to spend much of their extra money on experiences.  “Experiential purchases” tend to make us happier for two key reasons: 1. Great experiences improve over time when we reminisce about them.  2. Experiences are often social events that get us out of our house and interacting with people we care about.
18. They savor life’s little joys. – Happiness is a how, not a what – a mindset, not a destination.  Happiness is enjoying all the small things, while chasing after the big ones.  Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy.  It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences.  When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic.  It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
19. They embrace the impermanence of life. – Just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.  Happy people know this to be true – everything has a time and place.  Relationships, jobs and experiences are all part of a bigger plan.  As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind.  Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay.  Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow.  And sometimes walking away is a step forward.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)
20. They live a life they actually want to live. – This final point basically ties it all together.  One of the most common complaints Angel and I hear from coaching clients is: “I wish I was brave enough to live a life I want to live, not the life everyone else expects me to live.”  Don’t do this to yourself.  What other people think – especially those you don’t even know – doesn’t matter.  Your hopes, your dreams, your goals… matter!  Make choices that feel right.  Surround yourself with people who support and care not for the “you” they want you to be, but for the real you.  Make true friends and stay in touch with them.  Say things you really want to say to the people who need to hear them.  Express your feelings.  Stop and smell the roses.  And most of all, realize that happiness in most situations is a choice.

Afterthoughts

By compiling this list I’m not suggesting that these are the only keys to happiness, I’m simply shedding light on some common habits that can make all the difference in the world.  A great deal of human happiness is due to intentional activity.  The books I’ve mentioned in this post, and in other posts, provide scientific evidence proving that it is possible for us to significantly increase our happiness simply by altering what we choose to do every day.  And much of what we do, we do on autopilot based on our habits.
As Elbert Hubbar once said, “Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.”

The floor is yours…

How about you?  What specific habits or mindsets keep you happy?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Photo by: Spencer Finnley


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11 Old-Fashioned Relationship Habits We Should Bring Back

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Love is great when spoken, but greatest when shown.  Do little things daily to show your loved ones you care.

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich for lunch when an elderly couple pulled their car up under a nearby oak tree.  They rolled down the windows and turned up some funky jazz music on the car stereo.  Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, opened the door for the woman, took her hand and helped her out of her seat, guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced to a song under the oak tree.
It was such a beautiful moment to witness.
This morning when I opened my laptop to write, the elderly couple immediately came to mind, and I spent a few minutes daydreaming about them, wondering how long they had been together and what their best relationship advice would be.  And just as I caught my mind wandering even farther off, a new email from a reader named Cory popped up.  The subject of the email was a question:  “Any good, old-fashioned advice for a struggling relationship?”
The synchronicity of my daydreaming and Cory’s question made me smile.
So in honor of that beautiful elderly couple, and in service of Cory’s present relationship situation, here are eleven old fashioned habits we need to bring back into our relationships:

1.  Spend quality time together with no major agenda and no technology.

Put down the smart phone, close the laptop and enjoy each other’s company, face to face, the old fashioned way.
There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or a big hug shared by two people who care about each other.  Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary just by doing them with the right people.  So choose to be around these people, and choose to make the most of your time together.
Don’t wait to make big plans.  Make your time together the plan.  Communicate openly on a regular basis.  Get together in the flesh as often as possible.  Not because it’s convenient to do so, but because you know each other are worth the extra effort.

2.  Be fully present when you’re in the presence of others.

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing your presence and absence both mean something to someone.  And the only way to let your loved ones know this, is to show them when you’re with them.
In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention – your full presence.  Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event is the ultimate compliment.  It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore.  So give them the gift of YOU – your time, undivided attention and kindness.  That’s better than any other gift, it won’t break or get lost, and will always be remembered.  (Read A Return to Love.)

3.  Express your sincere appreciation for loved ones every chance you get.

No matter how sure you are of someone’s appreciation and admiration, it’s always nice to be reminded of it.  So if you appreciate someone today, tell them.  Just because they are reliable and there when you need them, doesn’t mean you should fail to give thanks and appreciation on a regular basis.  To value someone too lightly is to risk missing the depth of their goodness before they’re gone.
Sadly, it is often only when we are tragically reminded of how short life is – that today could easily be our last with someone we love – that we start to appreciate every day we have together as if it were.  Let this lesson sink in now.  Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell the people you love how much you appreciate them.

4.  Work together and help each other grow.

There is no soul mate or best friend out there who will solve all your problems.  There is no love at first sight that lasts without work and commitment.  But there are, however, people out there worth fighting for.  Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re imperfect in all the ways that are right for you.  You compliment each other’s flaws in a way that allows your souls to unite and operate more efficiently as one.
You will know when you meet one of these people, when through them you meet the very best in yourself.

5.  Focus on inner beauty.

When you get to really know someone, most of their prominent physical characteristics vanish in your mind.  You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize their scent, and appreciate their wit.  You see only the essence of the person, not the shell.
That’s why you can’t fall in love with physical beauty.  You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, or want to own it.  You can love it with your eyes and your body for a little while, but not your heart in the long-term.  Thus, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, most physical imperfections become irrelevant.

6.  Tell the truth.

Too many prefer gentle lies to hard truths.  But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  Relationships based on lies always die young.
Lying is a cumulative process too.  So be careful.  What starts as a small, seemingly innocent lie (possibly even with the intention of not hurting anyone) quickly spirals into an mounting false reality where the biggest factor preventing you from sharing the truth is the unwanted reputation of being known as a liar.  We lie to one another, but even more so we lie to ourselves most often to protect our “oh so fragile” ego.  We may even be inclined to lie to ourselves while reading this, not wanting to admit how often we have eluded the truth.  (Read The Four Agreements.)

7.  Apologize when you know you should.

Take personal responsibility for your wrong doings.  If you know your actions or words have hurt someone you care about, immediately admit your faults and face the reality of your actions.  An apology is the super glue of lasting relationships.
And make sure your apology is sincere too.  Say it and mean it.  Don’t bother apologizing if you’re just going to continue doing the things you said sorry for.  Never ruin an apology with an excuse.  Excuses are NOT apologies.

8.  Work out your relationship issues with each other, not with others.

This may seem obvious, but these days it’s worth mentioning:  NEVER post negatively about a loved one on social media.  Fourteen-year-old school kids post negatively about their boyfriends, girlfriends and friends on social media.  It’s a catty way to get attention and vent, when the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with them directly when the time is right.
Don’t fall into the trap of getting others on your side, because healthy relationships only have one side.
Furthermore, relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your relationships for you.  If you’re having a relationship issue with someone, work it out with THEM and no one else. 

9.  Be a force for positivity and encouragement.

Elevate your inner game.  A negative attitude is way below your horizon.
Our way of thinking creates good or bad outcomes.  It makes a big difference in your life and the lives around you when you stay positive.  So be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic.  If something is not to your liking, change your liking and carry on with smile.  Always turn a negative situation into a positive lesson and move forward.
Encourage the best possible results with your thoughts and words.  And teach this philosophy to those around you too.

10.  Over-deliver on your promises.

Be committed.  Commitment means staying devoted and keeping your promises, long after the time and mood you made the promises in has left you.  Doing so is vital to your relationships and long-term success in every imaginable walk of life.
So don’t just say it, show it.  Don’t just promise it, prove it.  Better yet, over-deliver on all your promises.  Supply far more than what’s required.  As Anne Frank once said, “No one has ever become poor by giving.”  Whenever you can, go out of your way and do something nice and unexpected for the people in your life, especially those who are in no position to repay you anytime soon.

11.  Be loyal.

Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments, not because you want to stand in the dark, but because you don’t want them to either.  Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light.  On the flipside, stand by these same people on their sunniest days, not because you want to scorch your skin, but because you’re not afraid to let them shine bright.
In other words, be loyal.  Remaining faithful in your relationships is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty means the world to the people who love you.  When someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down.  You can’t promise to be there for someone for the rest of their life, but you can sincerely be there for them for the rest of yours.

The floor is yours…

What are some good, old-fashioned habits that have helped strengthen your relationships?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Alice Popkorn

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12 Quiet Rituals of Enormously Successful Humans

post written by: Angel Chernoff

inS

May your actions speak louder than your words.  May your life preach louder than your lips.  May your success be your noise in the end.

The result of enormous success is often pretty noisy – lots of people talking, writing and sharing stories about it.  The actual process of achieving enormous success, on the other hand, is far more discreet.  But it’s this process that happens quietly, behind-the-scenes, that makes all the difference in the world.
Marc and I are fortunate enough to know a number of enormously successful human beings.  Regardless of lifestyle, industry or profession, they all share many of the same quiet rituals.  And that’s precisely what I want to discuss with you today. Here are twelve things the most successful people we know do quietly and diligently:

1.  They have calm, consistent morning routines.

Too many books and courses on personal success act like we’re robots, and completely overlook the enormous power of our emotions.  The less frenzied emotions we have at the start of the day, the less we will have all day.  Because when we start the day in a calm, mindful state, it’s easy to focus and get the right things done.
But when we wake up and stress is already upon us – phones ringing, emails and texts dinging, fire alarms going off – you spend the whole day reacting, instead of being proactive.  This means you’re not in the driver’s seat working on your priorities – the things that drive success – you’re simply responding to what gets thrown at you, whether it’s important or not.
Try to have the first hour of your day vary as little as possible.  A trusted routine can be extremely effective in helping you feel in control and non-reactive, which reduces anxiety and stress, and therefore makes you more mindful and competent.  The bottom line is that how you start the day has an enormous effect on your overall effectiveness.

2.  They eliminate all needless busywork.

At some point we all wonder, “Why is it so impossible to get everything done?”  But the answer is stunningly simple: We’re doing too many of the wrong things.
Several research studies have shown that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up.  Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones.  So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”
Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do.  I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.
If you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite.  So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else.  (Read Getting Things Done.)

3.  They do what needs to be done, TODAY!

While everyone else is talking about it, successful people are quietly doing it.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.  It’s as simple as that.
Successful people know that a good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed someday.  They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right day” or the “right (impossible) circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear and nothing more.  They take action here and now, today – because that’s where real progress happens.

4.  They gradually turn life’s obstacles around.

Many of the most iconic novels, songs and inventions of all time were inspired by gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak.  Therefore, the silver lining of these great challenges is that they were the catalyst to the creation of epic masterpieces.
An emerging field of psychology called Post-Traumatic Growth has suggested that many people are able to use their hardships and traumas for substantial creative and intellectual development.  Specifically, researchers have found that trauma can help people grow in the areas of interpersonal relationships, contentment, gratitude, personal strength, and resourcefulness.
When our view of the world as a safe place, or as a certain type of place, has been shattered, we are forced to reboot our perspective on things.  We suddenly have the opportunity to look out to the periphery and see things with a new, fresh set of beginner’s eyes, which is very conducive to personal growth and long-term success.  

5.  They learn by stretching themselves to their limits.

You learn best when you’re stretching yourself beyond your previous level of comfort.
Sure, getting into a routine is great.  “Flow” is great too.  But neither is the best way to learn.  You want to be stretched to the edge of your ability sometimes.  It needs to be hard and uncomfortable.  That’s how your brain grows.  We learn when we’re in our discomfort zone.
When you’re struggling, that’s when you’re growing stronger and smarter.  The more time you spend there, the faster you learn.  It’s better to spend an extremely high quality ten minutes growing, than it is to spend a mediocre hour running in place.  You want to practice at the point where you are on the edge of your ability, stretching yourself over and over again, making mistakes, stumbling, learning from those mistakes and stretching yourself even farther.

6.  They turn to their intuition when making tough decisions.

Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from your previous life experiences.  If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason.  When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts.
Successful people know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your goals and dreams come true.

7.  They mindfully focus on the positive.

As Shawn Achor describes in his book The Happiness Advantage, a recent scientific study showed that doctors who are put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis consistently experience significant boosts to their intellectual abilities than doctors in a neutral state, which allows them to make accurate diagnoses almost 20% faster.  The same study then shifted to other vocations and found that optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by over 50%.  Students primed to feel happy before taking math tests substantially outperform their neutral peers.  So it turns out that our minds are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are positive.
Of course, that’s not to say that successful people never get upset, but your effectiveness in all walks of life will fare better if you’re able to mindfully accept and let go of negative emotions, rather than dwelling on them.  Think a little less about managing your problems and a little more about managing your mindset.  Keep it positive.

8.  They create visual reminders of their long-term goals.

You want to lose weight, but when you’re tired, it’s easy to rationalize that you’ll start exercising and eating right tomorrow.  You want to build a more profitable business, but when you’re caught up in the daily grind, it’s easy to just do what’s familiar instead of what’s required for growth.  You want to nurture your closest relationships, but when you’re busy, it’s easy to rationalize that you really need to work on that client proposal instead.
Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out – even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.
To combat this, successful people create tangible reminders that pull them back from the brink of their weak impulses.  A friend of ours who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he wants to pay off.  Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.  And another fills his desk with family photos, both because he loves looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind him of the people he is ultimately working for.
Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that take you farther away from your ultimate goals.  Then use visual reminders of those goals to interrupt the impulse and keep you on track.

9.  They keep some kind of personal notebook.

Oprah keeps a journal.  Eminem keeps a journal.  J.K. Rowling keeps a journal.
Successful people track their progress, set goals, reflect, and learn from their mistakes.  And they often use some kind notebook to accomplish this.  If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and this notebook is that map.  You can write down what you did today, what you tried to accomplish, where you made mistakes, and so forth.  It’s a place to reflect.  It’s a place to capture important thoughts.  It’s a place to be able to track where you’ve been and where you intend to go.  It’s one of the most underused, yet incredibly effective tools available to the masses.

10.  They have mentors they observe and consult with.

Regardless of what you’re trying to achieve, you cannot do it alone.  It can be hard to learn from books.  And sometimes the Internet makes it difficult to separate truth from fiction.  You need someone who has been where you want to go to show you the ropes – your own personal mentor or coach.
Yes, 10,000 hours of diligent practice can make you an expert, but what makes you dedicate 10,000 hours to something in the first place?  The answer is having a great mentor or two.  If you study the lives of enough successful people, it becomes obvious that most world-class performers in all fields – athletes, musicians, entrepreneurs, artists, etc. – had incredible mentors, coaches or role models who made the activity of practice worthwhile and rewarding.
And sometimes just observing a mentor works wonders too.  When we observe someone we want to learn from and we have a crystal clear idea of what we want to create for ourselves, it unlocks a tremendous amount of motivation.  Human beings are socially inclined, and when we get the idea that we want to join some elite circle up above us, that is what really motivates us to achieve greatness.  “Look, they did it.  I can do it too!”  It may sound overly simplistic, but spending time studying people who are great can be one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.

11.  They welcome honest feedback and criticism.

“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”  That’s what Aristotle said.  And obviously, he was being facetious.
If you are being criticized for doing, saying or thinking something that’s out of the ordinary.  Good.  That means you’ve taken a stand for something sometime in your life recently.  And that’s a huge part of being successful.
Follow in the footsteps of enormously successful people by learning to effectively process the criticism you receive.  Hateful and negative criticism should be received, assessed, and then let go, while constructive criticism should be evaluated and acted upon.  Solicit feedback from people whose opinions you value – people who have been where you want to go.  And remember to be gracious when receiving feedback; when you are, all the people around you will be more likely to give you their support and honest insight in the future.  (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

12. They keep their pride in check.

Last but not least…
To admit they made a mistake.  To say they are sorry.  To know that they can’t possibly know it all.  To have big dreams. To admit they owe their success to others too.  To poke fun at themselves from time to time.  To ask for help when they need it.
To make mistakes and fail.  And to try again, willingly.
There are no permanent jobs or absolutes on this planet.  We are all just interning and exploring here.  Learn from everyone, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time along the way.
That’s what successful people do.

Afterthoughts

If you only remember two words from this whole article, let them be: “Stretch” and “Observe.”
Stretch:  As in… stretch yourself.  Always push yourself to the edge of your ability, so you can expand it and grow.
Observe:  As in… observe your mentors and those who are more skilled than you, so you can take notes and emulate them.

The floor is yours…

What else would you add to the list?  What’s one quiet ritual that has helped you or someone you know achieve success?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Photo by: Angelo Amboldi

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16 Things You Shouldn’t Have to Justify to Anyone Else

post written by: Marc Chernoff

in

Don’t change so someone will like you.  Be yourself and the right ones will love the real you.

Will the people in your life always support your decisions?  No, they won’t.  But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself; it’s about creating yourself.   Your life is yours alone.  Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you.  They can walk with you, but not in your shoes.  So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to walk alone and pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do.
Make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.”  Say it to anyone who passes judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are.  People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK.  You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.
And when you need a quick reminder or a dose of encouragement, refer to this list of things you shouldn’t have to justify to anyone else:

1. Why you’re putting yourself first. – During a 2011 television interview, Michelle Obama was asked if she thought it was at all selfish that she has openly admitted to making herself her first priority, to which the First Lady replied, “No, not at all.  It’s practical…. a lot of times we just slip pretty low on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else.  And one of the things that I want to model for my children is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.”  Spot on advice if you ask me!  There are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.  Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s.
2. The need to express your emotions. – Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional.  There’s no reason to be ashamed for feeling something or acting out on it if it’s real to you.  It’s a sign that you have a big heart, and that you aren’t afraid to let others know it.  Showing your emotions is a sign of human strength.  The people who judge you for being human, and not being modest, emotionless, and “in line,” are the ones who need to apologize.
3. Your weirdness. – Where’s your will to be weird?  Where’s your resolution to be real?  Truth be told, it’s not weird to be weird.  Everybody is weird in some way.  You must celebrate your individuality and not be embarrassed of it.  If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t hide it.  (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
4. Being unapologetically YOU. – We are never more alive than when we are being brave, and we can’t be brave unless we are willing to take off our masks and be ourselves.  It’s about finding the courage to be real.  When perfectionism of any kind is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver.  Don’t do this to yourself.  Let go of trying to be “perfect” in the eyes of others, and just be who you are.
5. Not taking things personally. – When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless worrying and suffering.  Some people may tell you it’s best to stand up for yourself and fight back, but the best offense is always a good defense.  Defend yourself from others by not taking the things they say and do personally.  Truth be told, if you take everything personally, you will remain offended for the rest of your life.  What other people do is because of them, not you.  Period.
6. Deciding to forgive. – Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something.  Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are confident enough to stand on their own two legs and move forward.  In order to move forward, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way.  It’s about accepting the past completely, letting it be, and lifting your spirit with good intentions.  Nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.
7. Who you choose to spend your time with. – In the end, the best investment of your limited time on Earth will be to spend it with people you love.  Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work will be your biggest concern.  What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister, and one last good hard laugh with your best friend.  Life is too short to be too busy for the people you love.
8. Not perfectly measuring up to everyone else’s progress. –  Don’t compare your progress in life with that of others.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance.  In fact, two of the most amazing couples I know didn’t meet each other until they were in their late 30’s.  One of these couples just had their first child in their early 40’s.  The lesson here is simple: Great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen – they happen when they’re meant to be.  So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married with children, or working a traditional 8-5 job, or making a certain amount of money, etc.  Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same exact way.
9. Why you have failed, and why you aren’t scared to fail again. – Failure is the opportunity to begin again, smarter than before.  Forget what others have told you.  Fail often, fail fast, clean it up, learn from it, move on, and then repeat.  Just because things didn’t work out for you today, doesn’t mean there’s not something big in store for you tomorrow.  Rest easy and get ready.  Don’t waste your energy justifying yourself to the naysayers.  (Read The Success Principles.)
10. The young-minded, foolish things you once did. – I don’t entirely approve of some of the things I have done in my life.  But I am me.  And I would not be me if I hadn’t learned along the way.  The same is true for you.  All wise old people were once young and foolish; that’s how they became wise.  Don’t be ashamed of who you had to be to get to where you are today.
11. Dressing down and not looking all fixed up every second. – Angel and I have helped thousands of coaching clients overcome self-esteem issues, and physical appearance almost always has something to do with it.  As a client we coached this morning put it, “Whenever I leave the house looking anything less than airbrushed and fashionable and then run into someone I know, I tend to feel the need to apologize for not looking a certain way.”  That’s ludicrous!  You don’t have to apologize to someone else for not looking a certain way; you have to apologize to yourself for feeling like you had to in the first place.
12. Your healthy eating habits. – Too often our culture associates healthy eating habits with fad diets and weight loss marketing schemes.  But there’s also something called healthy eating as a means to actual good health, not weight loss, not some crazy diet, or anything else.  Why do we need to stand up for ourselves when we choose to eat healthy?  Because for some reason, people tend to be skeptical that a person would actually just want to treat their body right and not be perpetually concerned with their shape and size.  Eat healthy because it’s good for your health.  Ignore the critics.
13. Working extra hard on your dreams. – When people try to inspire you, they’ll often tell you all kinds of sensible and heartfelt things like: “Follow your dreams.  Listen to your heart.  Find your inner voice and let it sing.  Change the world.  Make your mark.  Embrace your challenges.  Keep dreaming big.  Dream some more.  In fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.”  And all of this is fine and dandy, but the problem is a lot of people dream… and that’s all they do.  And while they are busy dreaming, the really happy people, the really successful people, the really remarkable, passionate, and powerful people, are busy doing something with their dreams.  Be one of them.
14. Choosing to smile through your struggles. – Not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day.  Notice it.  Ignore the negativity around you.  None of us know the exact paths we will travel or the trials that will come our way.  The secret is to find joy in the journey.  The more obstacles you overcome, the stronger you become.  Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving; you just get stronger and more resilient.  Smiling and appreciating each step you take is the smartest choice.  Your positivity will help you realize that sometimes the bad things that happen in your life put you on a direct path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you.
15. The things you hope for. – They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.  I couldn’t agree more.  We all do a lot of talking about the importance of the first two, but don’t forget to nurture your hope too.  And remember, hope isn’t the belief that life will always give you what you want; it’s the belief that life will gradually reveal what’s right.
16. Why you feel completely justified already. – You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks.  You are enough right now.  You have nothing to justify.  Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.  You will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the justification only YOU can give yourself.

Bottom line:  Constantly trying to justify yourself to everyone else forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas, desires, and life experiences.  If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live… you merely exist.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…
Do more than just exist!  We all exist.  The question is: Do you live?

The floor is yours…

How has the need to justify yourself to others interfered with your life?  What has it stopped you from doing?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
Photo by: Brandon Warren

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