Should Men Flirt To Succeed in Business?

Victoria Pynchon, Contributor

The most common networking opener is “what do you do?” My answer – I teach women how to negotiate – gives women delight and men concern. I’ve been asked this question by hundreds of people of both genders and the responses have become predictable.
Women break into a grin, relax their posture, and say that’s great, interesting, I love it or good for you, followed by I’d love to hear more. I have never once had a negative response from any woman. Men, on the other hand, tend to assume a defensive posture, back slightly away from me, knit their brows, frown and, more than 80% of the time, ask you don’t think there’s a pay gap do you? or, less defensively, do you think there’s a pay gap? 
So I was pleased recently to have the following conversation with a male lawyer in his early 40′s while we were both heading to a party thrown by the Young Lawyers Section of the Florida Bar Association.

What firm are you with?

I don’t practice anymore.

What do you do?

I teach women how to negotiate.

Do you mind if I ask you an indelicate question?

Nope. Shoot.

Do you think women should use their femininity while negotiating?

Let me turn that back to you. Do you think men should use their masculinity while negotiating.

That’s not a fair question.

Why?

It’s a man’s world.

It’s a Man’s World
I have no argument with the proposition that it’s a man’s world when it comes to deal making in business and the law. If it’s a man’s world, the question whether men should flirt to succeed in business, raises the thorniest issue in human relations – should men flirt with other men?
As the most interesting question ever posed to me in introductory small talk, I asked my young interrogator if he’d like to pursue the subject further. We grabbed our drinks with a few over-cooked hors d’oeuvres and found a table far enough from the music to talk.
Let’s Start With Definitions
Lawyers always start with definitions. “Accident” means many things in everyday speech, but has a particular meaning in the law of negligence. I’ve spent years tussling with petroleum and chemical companies over the definition of the term “sudden and accidental” as used in liability policy pollution exclusions. Ditto with the words “catastrophic,” “occurrence,” and “imminent.” Most commercial litigators spend their careers litigating the meaning of words. For the law to succeed in its mission of creating precedent by which business can guide itself, our first task must always be the definition of our terms.
Define “masculine,” I said. Aggressive, he answered, before pausing to search the ceiling for something a little less obvious. And jocular, he finally said, adding after a beat, Bonhomie.
Aggressive is the far pole on the continuum of masculinity to femininity and no surprise. But  jocular and bonhomie are descriptors of male-on-male charm. Men don’t tend to use jocularity with women. It’s the way men flirt with one another. I’ve seen it used in business from my first day as a typist in a mid-town Manhattan law firm to my last as a partner in a commercial litigation firm.

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