10 Lessons from 10 Quotes that Changed My Life

post written by: Angel Chernoff

Today I want to share ten life lessons with you.  I learned them when I was young by reading and re-reading some of my favorite books and quotes.  And over the years I have validated each of them gradually with firsthand experience.  Together these lessons have positively changed my way of thinking and my life.  I hope they do the same for you.

1.  Your thoughts create your reality.

You feel the way you feel right now because of the thoughts you are thinking, and you are where you are right now because of the thoughts you have thought over and over again.  If the thoughts running though your mind are pure, positive and empowering, you will create positive and empowering beliefs about yourself and about life; and your actions, habits, and daily routines will be a reflection of these thoughts and beliefs.
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Watch your words, for they become actions.  Watch your actions, for they become habits.  Watch your habits, for they become character.  Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”  (Read Change Your Thoughts.)

2.  You will regret the chances you didn’t take.

The things you didn’t do when you had the chance.  That priceless relationship you neglected.  Those important words you left unspoken…  Every one of us has experienced feelings of regret.  But it’s not too late to set things straight.  You’re still here breathing.  Right now you have an opportunity to change your future.  Right now you can choose to erase regret from your later years.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.”  –Mark Twain

3.  Change is the only constant thing in life.

What does this mean?  It means that no matter how hard you try to avoid change, doing so is simply impossible.  Period.
“Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure.  But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it.  Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.”  –Shunryu Suzuki

4.  What you resist persists.

The more you fight against life’s circumstances, events, people, ideas, etc., the more you will be contributing to their growth and persistence into your daily life.  Learn to shift your focus from that which you are against to that which you are for, and to that which you wish to attract into your daily life.  Over time you will watch your life transform.
“By letting it go it all gets done.  The world is won by those who let it go.  But when you try and try.  The world is beyond the winning.”  –Lao Tzu  (Read The Art of War.)

5.  You judge others for the deficiencies you haven’t yet accepted in yourself.

The traits you dislike in others are mostly just a reflection of the traits you dislike in yourself.  This concept can be difficult to grasp, and you might even be irritated by me mentioning it – especially when you are ‘certain’ that you are right and the other person is wrong, and that you are surely better off than they are.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.”  –Carl Gustav Jung

6.  You have far less control over the behavior of others than you think.

Isn’t it funny how the closer you are to a person the higher your expectations are, and the more rights you think you have to control their time and behavior?  Don’t let your bad judgment get the best of you; the only thing you can control is your attitude towards them and their behavior.  Nothing more, nothing less.
“Never underestimate your power to change yourself; never overestimate your power to change others.”  –Wayne Dyer  (Read The Power of Intention.)

7.  You are what’s on the inside.

When you are happy and satisfied with yourself personally, you act in kind, happy and loving ways toward the people around you.  Because you are comfortable inside, no matter how negative people might act toward you at times, you stay calm and collected, responding out of love and confidence to their behavior – for that is who you are on the inside, and you give out that which is within.
“When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside.  When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.”  –Wayne Dyer

8.  You can’t force love in relationships.

Love between two people comes because both people want to share their love, not because YOU want it from the other person.  Your family, friends, co-workers, lovers – they all love you because they choose to, not because you want them to.  Love is meant to be felt, enjoyed and lived, not to be forced on anyone.
“You can’t force love, I realized. It’s there or it isn’t.  If it’s not there, you’ve got to be able to admit it.  If it is there, you’ve got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.”  –Richelle Mead

9.  Sometimes the only healthy option is to move on.

When the time comes to move beyond certain things, ideas, or people, don’t resist it.  Allow yourself to experience life.  Allow yourself to grow, learn, and evolve.  Allow yourself to move beyond the past on your path to happiness.
“There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good.  After all life is too short to be anything but happy.”  (Read The How of Happiness.)

10.  Life as you know it doesn’t last forever.

Nothing lasts forever, and this is exactly why you need to learn to detach from things, places and people in your life.  When the time comes to say goodbye, let them all go and to do it with dignity and grace.
“Nothing lasts forever; so live it up, drink it down, avoid the negativity, take chances and never regret because at one point it was what you wanted.”  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
Photo by: J.T. Noriega


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50 Happiness Quotes to Change the Way You Think

post written by: Angel Chernoff

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
―Abraham Lincoln

It usually isn’t what you have, where you are, or what you’ve been through that makes you happy or unhappy, it’s how you think about it all.  It starts on the inside.  You control your thoughts.  The only person who can hurt your happiness in the long run is YOU.
Here are 50 thought-provoking quotes about happiness that will help you think on the bright side.

1. It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life:  YOU.
2. Your life will improve only when you take small chances, and the first and most difficult chance you can take is to be honest with yourself.
3. Stop focusing on how stressed you are and remember how blessed you are.  It could be so much worse.
4. It is not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happens to you.  Count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.
5. Look for something positive about this moment.  Even if you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists.
6. When you smile about the life you live, you end up living a life worth smiling about.
7. Remember, social comparison is the thief of happiness.  You could spend a lifetime worrying about what others have, but it wouldn’t get you anything.
8. Happiness comes more easily when you feel good about yourself without feeling the need for anyone else’s approval.
9. Be nice to people on your way up because you might meet them again on your way back down.
10. Set an example. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
11. Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor forgiveness for acceptance.  It’s about knowing resentment of any kind is not on the path to happiness.
12. Give as much as you can, but don’t allow yourself to be used.  Listen to others closely, but don’t lose your own voice.
13. Say what you need to say.  Speak your truth.  There is no greater sadness than holding on to the words you never had the courage to speak.
14. You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you.  All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around.
15. Negative company will never give you a positive life.  Examine what you tolerate in the long-term.
16. What you allow is what will continue.  It’s always better to spend more time alone than allow negative people and their opinions to derail you from your destiny.
17. When other people treat you poorly, walk away, smile and keep being YOU.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.
18. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.  It’s their loss, not yours.
19. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and that’s OK.
20. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing.  Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way.
21. Never be ashamed of how you feel.  You have the right to feel any emotion that comes to you, and to follow a path that makes you happy.
22. The unhappiest people in this world are the people who care the most about what everyone else thinks.
23. You can’t base your idea of success and happiness on other people’s opinions and expectations.  (Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
24. Happiness and success is all about spending your life in your own way.  Be yourself.  No one can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong.
25. It’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.
26. Work to create a life that feels right to YOU, not one that looks right to everyone else.
27. No amount of money will make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself.
28. Maybe the thing you’re scared of is exactly what you should do.  Sometimes life is about risking it all for a dream no one can see but you.
29. You can’t always wait for the perfect moment.  Sometimes you must dare to do it because life is too short to regret and wonder what could have been.
30. The most reliable way to predict the future is to create it.  Participate in life instead of just watching it pass you by.
31. Nothing’s more fun than doing what people say you can’t do.
32. Almost anything is possible if you’ve got enough time and enough nerve.
33. Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.  It’s how you deal with failure that determines your happiness and success.
34. Let your mistakes be your motivation, not your excuses.  Decide right now that negative experiences from your past won’t predict your future.
35. What is coming is better than what is gone.  Don’t give up hope.  Good things often happen when you least expect it.
36. If you take another step, and another, you will be surprised to know how far you can go from the point you thought was the end.
37. Nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears.
38. Any fool can be happy when times are good.  It takes a strong soul with real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make us weep.
39. No matter how long it takes, it will get better.  Tough situations build strong people in the end.
40. As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind.  Sometimes walking away is a step forward.
41. At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together.
42. One of the most rewarding moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.
43. Whatever you do, don’t get stuck on the one thing that ruins your day.  Smile and be grateful.  Life is too short to waste on negativity.
44. The less you expect, the more pleasant life gets.
45. Patience can be bitter, but the seeds you plant now will bear sweet fruit.  (Read Flourish.)
46. Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Breathe deeply.  Do your best.  Leave everything else to the powers above you.
47. Do not dwell so much on creating your perfect life that you forget to live.
48. The trick is to enjoy your life today.  Don’t wish it away by waiting for better days ahead.
49. Pay attention to the little things, because when you really miss “the good old days,” you miss the little things the most, like just laughing with someone special.
50. Go for long walks.  Indulge in great conversations.  Pay attention to the moment.  Count your blessings.  Let go for a little while and just be and breathe.

Your turn…

What’s one quote or personal reminder that has helped you think happier thoughts and live more positively?  Please share it with us by leaving a reply below.
Photo by: Rick Harrison

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Morning Routines for Productive People

What do Benjamin Franklin and Anna Wintour have in common? No, it's not their personal style. They're both (or for Ben, was) early risers.

Productive people know that mornings are a great time for getting things done. Laura Vanderkam, author of What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, notes morning is the perfect time to be creative, to exercise and perhaps most importantly, to have some time to oneself before the rest of the world wakes up. Science shows that willpower is greatest in the morning. So take advantage of it and do the things that require self-discipline, like going to the gym or doing your taxes, early in the day.

How we spend our mornings sets the tone for the rest of the day. A calm and productive morning is very different from a frantic one.

What can you do to make your mornings more productive and less hectic?

1. Planning is priceless. Prepare the night before. Watch the weather. Choose your outfit. Keep your keys, cellphone, etc., always in the same place, preferably by the door.

2. Use a Jawbone instead of an alarm clock to wake you up. It gently vibrates on your wrist rather than violently jarring you awake.

3. Make your bed. The physical movement is good for you. Think of it as stretching. Plus, it's so much better to come home to a tidy bedroom.

4. Exercise. Just 20 minutes of a moderate activity will boost your mood and give you energy all day long.

5. Make priorities simple and easy. If you want to run in the morning, place your sneakers with your iPod and running clothes by your bed. If you want to spend more quality time with your kids, turn the television off and put down the newspaper.

6. Be Mindful. Brush your teeth with your left hand if you are right handed and vice versa. It reminds you to pay attention and be in the moment.

7. Spend a few minutes outside taking in the fresh air and daylight. Natural light and environments are important for well-being. 

8. Eat well. Some fruit, some oatmeal. Something. And skip the juice or the smoothie. Is it that much trouble to chew something?

9. Grace Period. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments so you can arrive with grace and dignity.

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man [or woman] healthy, wealthy and wise." -- Benjamin Franklin

By Samantha Boardman M.D.

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12 Things To Start Caring About Today

post written by: Marc Chernoff

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Life is all about taking chances.  It’s about doing something you initially thought you could never do.  It’s about being a little crazy, following your heart, and not worrying about every detail of what everyone else thinks.  And above all, it’s about learning to love who you are and what you have.
Here are twelve things to start caring about on your journey forward.

1. Start caring about your own happiness. – It’s important to make people happy, but you have to start with yourself.  Your needs matter.  Sometimes we get lost trying to live our lives for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, or trying to do things just to impress others.  But you’ve got to live, do and love so that YOU are happy.  Because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.  Remember, it is possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.  And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
2. Start caring about your goals and dreams. – If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders.  As Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary.”
3. Start caring about how you invest your time every day. – There might not be a tomorrow, not for everyone.  Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today.  This is sad but true.  So spend your time wisely and pause long enough to appreciate it.  Remember, what you do every day matters more than what you do every once in awhile.  Use a time management system to control events, rather than have events controlling you.  It may take little time to get where you want to be, but if you think for a moment, you will realize that you are no longer where you once were.  Do not stop – keep going.  You’re getting closer every day.
4. Start caring about how you think and what you think about. – In your quiet moments, what do you think about?  How far you’ve come, or how far you have to go?  Your strengths, or your weaknesses?  The best that might happen, or the worst that might come to be?  In your quiet moments, pay attention to your self-talk.  Because maybe, just maybe, the only thing that needs to shift in order for you to experience more happiness, more love, and more vitality, is your way of thinking.
5. Start caring about how you treat yourself. – Your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever have.  When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters?  When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there?  When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will either.  And when you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but you won’t care about it one bit.  Read The Gifts of Imperfection.
6. Start caring about how you treat others. – Live so that when the people around you think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.  Start noticing what you like about others and tell them.  Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
7. Start caring about how others treat you. – Choose your relationships wisely.  Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as the wrong relationship.  If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself.  Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  Love the people who treat you right, and distance yourself from the ones who don’t.
8. Start caring about your health. – Exercise to be fit, not skinny.  Eat to nourish your body.  And always ignore the haters, doubters and unhealthy examples that were once feeding you.  To truly be your best, you must give your body the fuel it needs.  Toss the junk and fill your kitchen with fresh, whole foods.  Run, swim, bike, walk… just move!  Good health is essential for having the energy, stamina and outlook to tackle your goals and dreams.  Bottom line: Your health is your life.  Don’t let it go.  Eat right, exercise and get an annual physical check-up.  The 4-Hour Body  is an insightful and entertaining read on this topic.
9. Start caring about your education and personal growth. – Achieving higher consciousness comes from your commitment to personal growth.  You’re a totally different person compared to who you were at this time last year; next year will be no different.  How much you grow and who you become is up to you.  But remember, the acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing.  Growing happens when what you know changes how you live.
10. Start caring about doing the best YOU can. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.  And whatever you do, refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
11. Start caring about all the wonderful things you have right now. – Learn to appreciate the things you have before time forces you appreciate the things you once had.  No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
12. Start caring about this moment we call ‘life.’ – When I watched the Grammy Awards recently, I realized that many of the speeches musicians make when they accept an award go something like this:  “This means so much to me.  My whole life has been leading up to this moment.”  But the truth is, our whole lives have been leading up to every moment.  Think about that for a second.  Every single thing you’ve gone through in life, every high, every low, and everything in between, it has led you to this moment right now.  This moment is priceless, and it’s the only moment guaranteed to you.  This moment is your ‘life.’  Don’t miss it.

Photo by: Varun Suresh

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9 Things You Need to Stop Caring About

post written by: Marc Chernoff

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“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”
― Heath L. Buckmaster

About a decade ago, when I told my grandmother that I was worried about making a significant life change and then regretting my choice, she said, “Do you know what my biggest regret is?  Not taking more chances and making necessary changes when I was your age.”  Her words have been stuck in the back of my mind ever since, and they have helped me make many positive choices in life.  This is especially true whenever I bump up against the reality that something in my life isn’t working, and that it’s perhaps time to make some changes.
If you are currently facing a similar reality, ask yourself this:  “What am I focusing on that isn’t working?”
A big part of your life is the result of what you choose to focus on.  If you don’t like something, it’s time to choose differently.  Don’t be afraid to let go of your old ways and start over today.  It’s a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want.
Here are nine things I have addressed and purged in my own life – some common emotional traps we are all better off NOT caring about:

1.  Old regrets.

You don’t have to be defined by the things you did or didn’t do in the past.  Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret.  Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not.  Either way, it’s merely something that has already happened.
Cleanse your heart of these regrets every night.  Just as your body needs regular washing because it gets dirty every day, so does your heart.  Because every day people may hurt you, offend you, forget you, snub you, step on you, or reject you.  But if you choose to forgive these people and let these things go before you go to sleep, you cleanse your heart.  You wake up the next morning refreshed and free of negativity.  Refuse to carry old regrets, mindsets and distractions into each new day.

2.  The excuses you’ve been telling yourself.

In life you always have one of two things, either you have the thing you are capable of achieving, or the reasons why you don’t.  Laziness may appear attractive, but dedication and work leads to fulfillment and happiness in the long run.  If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
Truthfully, almost anything is possible if you’ve got enough time and enough nerve.  What you need to remember is that you can’t always wait for the perfect time and conditions, because there may be no such thing.  Most of the time you must simply dare to jump.
And don’t say you don’t have enough time.  You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, etc…  (Read Flourish.)

3.  What you don’t have.

You will NEVER have enough time, enough resources, or enough money to do the perfect thing.  But what’s truly amazing is what you can achieve without “enough” of these supposed requirements.  Sooner or later you will come to realize that it’s not what you are missing that counts; it’s what you do with what you have.
To be upset about what you don’t have is always a waste of what you do have.  The happiest and most successful people aren’t the luckiest, and they usually don’t have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way.  The reason so many people give up is because they tend to look at what’s missing, and how far they still have to go, instead of what’s present, and how far they have come.

4.  Always feeling safe and comfortable.

To play it too safe is one of the riskiest choices you can make.  By leaving your comfort zone behind and taking a leap of faith into something new, you find out who you are truly capable of becoming.  Obstacles are put in your way to help you determine if what you want is really worth fighting for.
Remember, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain and discomfort, accept it, fight through it, and learn from it.  They turn their wounds into wisdom and growth.

5.  Fear of failure.

If you are too afraid of failure, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful.  Your desire to succeed must overpower your fear of failure.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what could be.  Just keep going and keep thinking, “I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday!”  Inevitably, you will make lots of mistakes and you will feel plenty of pain, but in life, mistakes make you smarter and pain makes you stronger.
Bottom line:  Don’t worry about mistakes too much, because some of the most beautiful things we create in life come from changes we make after failures.

6.  Relationships that suck the happiness out of you.

Give, but don’t get used.  Never waste too much of your time on someone who doesn’t value it.
A good relationship doesn’t drag you down, it lifts you up.  Listen to positive people and ignore negative ones.  People that doubt, judge and disrespect you are not worth your time and attention.  Life gets easier when you delete the people that make it difficult.  All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate and respect you is actually a gain, not a loss.
Being alone in the long run is far better than being with someone who doesn’t appreciate your worth.  Know your worth.  Know the difference between what you’re getting and what you deserve.  There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for the people who won’t even jump a puddle for you. 

7.  Being rewarded for every good deed you do.

Most of the time the people who want more than they need end up losing everything altogether.  Greed and selfishness will get you nowhere in life.  The happiest, most successful people are looking for ways to help others.  The unhappiest, most unsuccessful people are still asking, “What’s in it for me?”
A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone.  Those who you inspired and shared your love and compassion with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired.  So carve your name on hearts, not stone.  What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains.

8.  Shallow judgments.

It’s impossible to know exactly how another person is feeling or what kind of emotional battles they’re fighting.  Sometimes the widest smiles hide the thinnest strands of self-confidence and hope.  Sometimes the ‘rich’ have everything but happiness.  Realize this as you interact with others, long before you pass judgment.  Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own.
It’s a sage fact of life, really, that every one of us encompasses a profound and unique set of secrets and mysteries that are absolutely undetectable to everyone else.  So smile at people who look like they are having a rough day today.  Be kind to them.  Kindness is the only investment that never fails.

9.  Your obsession with the end result.

Fulfillment is not a matter of achieving a specific goal; it is a matter of mindfully enjoying the process required to achieve that goal.  Fulfillment flows from focusing your life around specific and authentically held intentions – ideas and activities that genuinely speak to your purpose.  When these intentions are clear, consistent and meaningful, you have sufficient means to bring fulfillment and joy to your life, whether you ever fully achieve your intended goal or not.
In other words, it’s the process of following your path that’s important, not the speed at which you progress down it.  Happiness is found during the journey, not at the destination.  Slow down so you can appreciate the forest for each of its trees.  You have a better chance of truly seeing where you are when you stop spending every waking moment trying to get somewhere else.
Take the time to celebrate the goodness surrounding you and how far you’ve come, rather than focusing exclusively of what’s still left to be done.  (Read Learned Optimism.)

Next steps…

Do you hold too tight to your comfort zone?  Do you judge yourself and others unfairly?  Do you let someone constantly suck the happiness out of you?  You know which of the points above apply to you.  Pick one and focus on improving in that area every day for the next 30 days.

The floor is yours…

So which of the points above are you struggling with most right now?  What else would you add to the list?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.
Photo by: Martin Fisch

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The Long Road of Falling Short

post written by: Marc Chernoff

This guest post was written by Bud, author of A Boundless World.

Do you remember that time when you came up short?  Do you remember that time when you failed miserably?  Assuming you have a pulse, it’s safe to say you do.
Falling short and making mistakes are part of being human.  They are the challenges that make our lifelong journeys so extraordinary.  While coming up short isn’t always easy to deal with at the time, looking back at our failures can teach us an amazing amount about ourselves.
When I ran cross-country in high school, I fell short numerous times.  But it was my shortcomings that fueled the fire inside me, forcing me to train even harder… and eventually, I reached my goal.

Freshman Year

During my freshman year in high school my parents and I decided that it was in my best interest to partake in a sport.  Not being the most coordinated kid in the world left me with very few options to pursue. It turns out cross-country running was the perfect sport for me.
Joining my schools cross-country team was perhaps one of the greatest decisions I have ever made.  The sport took a kid who was lazy and unmotivated, and transformed him into a student of excellence.  While I still had my moments of laziness, my outlook on life drastically improved.
One of the reasons cross-country was so beneficial for me was that our team was consistently one of the best teams in the nation.  So I was always surrounded by people who wanted to be extraordinary.
At first, I actually didn’t want to be extraordinary.  I figured it was too difficult.  I simply put in enough work to be “average” and nothing more.  But as I began to see my teammates succeed, I thought, “Hey why not me?” The attitudes of my teammates quickly rubbed off on me and made me strive for more.
One of my goals for freshman year was to run a mile in under 5 minutes – a respectable time for a high school runner.
Having a clear goal in mind, I got motivated and began putting in the necessary work.  And I was getting closer and closer.  But then, out of nowhere, I became ill.

An Unexpected Setback

Cross country running is not the easiest of sports.  This is especially true when you’re running with one of the top running programs in the nation.  Our weekly mileage training requirements often exceeded 50 miles.  Running demands an extreme amount of time and energy in order to succeed.  And my body began to reject the training.
One day during practice my legs became unusually sore.  But I initially assumed the soreness was just part of the sport, so I continued to run for a few days more.  Then during a light jog one afternoon I became light headed and fell to the ground.  My legs completely gave out.  And I realized then that something was seriously wrong with me.
It turns out that my immune system was taxed to the point where it literally began eating the muscles in my legs.  For an entire week I could barely move my legs on my own.  Over the next several months I was in and out of hospitals taking test after test, trying to figure out what was wrong.  Although I was prescribed various medications, I never learned exactly what it was.
And it took nearly six months before I began running again.

5:01

Coming back from such a large setback was extremely difficult to say the least.  Not only was I behind physically, but my mental game was off as well.  I was scared of pain.  I didn’t want to push myself because I feared that I might grow ill again.
These negative thoughts impacted my ability to perform at the level I knew I was capable of.  So even though I started training again, I continued to fall short of my five minute mile goal.  But through the guidance and support I received from my family and friends, I was able to forge ahead.
So I continued to dedicate myself to my goal.  When my sophomore track season began, I couldn’t have been more excited.  I was certain I was going to break five minutes on the opening race.
But as it turns out, I didn’t.  Instead of breaking five, I ended up running a 5:01 in one of the greatest races of my cross-country career.  And although I didn’t conquer my goal, I still remember the feeling of joy that shot through my body - not because of the time, but because I knew without question that I gave it my all.

Overcoming Obstacles

Our lives are naturally filled with obstacles.  It’s impossible to avoid them.  If you try, they will ultimately stop you from living.
Your failures and shortcomings are a healthy part of your life’s story.  So embrace them.  Experience failure, learn from it, and breathe.  At the end of the day you have the final say on how you experience reality.
Remember, the long road of falling short eventually leads to victory.  Because winning is simply the act of never quitting.
Oh… And during the later part of my sophomore year, I finally ran a 4:54 mile.

Photo by: Stuck in Customs


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7 Tips for Preserving a Marriage 20+ Years

When we were growing up, we learned that couples in fairy tales always lived "happily ever after." But we never discussed what happened after "happily ever after." It turns out that this is when the real work begins. Marriage is not easy. We are taking two people who have come from different households and maybe different backgrounds and expecting them to just get along. In this country, we do not teach people how to be married, and this is one of the failings of our system. Here is a list of seven suggested tips for preserving a marriage for the long-term:

1) The first thing you should learn in a marriage is how to communicate with each other. That means that if you want to request a change in someone's behavior, you have to use "I" stems rather than "you" stems, which are by nature accusatory. Remember that all communication should be based on how you feel about your partner's behavior and what changes you would like to see take place.

2) Always remember to stay on topic. If you are having a discussion about something that bothers you, you should stick to that discussion and not bring in outside issues, aka "the kitchen sink." For example, if your partner comes home late for dinner, the fact that he or she forgot your birthday last year should not be part of the discussion. Focus, focus, focus. Tell him or her how you feel. Use "I" words rather than belittling and personal attacks.

3) Listen to what the other person is saying. Just because someone says something does not mean you have to respond immediately. Try listening -- if your mouth is working, your ears probably are not. The most important thing to remember about an argument is that it is just a blip in the relationship and not a volcano that you allow to explode and end the relationship.

4) Make a date with your spouse. Life goes on. Children grow and have needs. Business and your career may seem very important, but if you do not give priority to your spouse, there is likelihood that someday you will not have one. In other words, make a date and keep it. If Wednesday is date night, nothing changes date night unless someone has been hit by a car. This is the night that you prioritize and you let your spouse know he or she is so important that nothing will interfere: business, children or anything else.

5) Learn how to have a fight. Every couple will have fights during the course of their marriage, and this is not the end of the world. If fighting is done properly, it can actually build the relationship. All fights should be brief and -- if possible -- scheduled. It's okay to be really angry, it's okay to blow your top, but you should schedule a time for it and limit it. You should not drag up old business, but instead focus on the issue and say, "I'm really angry and here is why." Screaming at someone does not really move the ball. If you are trying to blow off steam and get a point across, make your point, and move on.

6) Make a point of saying something nice to your spouse every day. It can be as simple as "thanks for doing the dishes," or "I like your new haircut." People listen better when you start a conversation by saying something positive.

7) Stay in touch with your spouse. We tend to talk more to the people we work with versus the person we live with. Marriage does not give anyone the ability to read minds. Taking time at the end of each day to share your experiences is important to keeping in touch with each other. If you want changes in your career, to go back to school, or to redecorate the living room, share it. Many divorcing couples have just "grown apart." Don't let that happen to you.

None of these suggestions are easy, but they are designed to make a better marriage. Twenty years with the same person is a long time. If you want to make it 20, or 40, or 60 years, you need to learn the meaning of communicating in a positive way, fighting appropriately, and putting your spouse first. These suggestions are designed to ensure the strength of your bond. And while getting along with someone that was raised differently than you were is a difficult process for the long haul, these tips should help make it easier and, ultimately, more rewarding.

By Lynne Gold-Bikin

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