9 Things You Do NOT Need to Be Happy

post written by: Marc Chernoff

i

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.  You will never truly live if you are forever looking for the meaning of life.”
―Albert Camus

Today, as I was walking to a coffee shop in downtown Austin, a school bus stopped in front of me and a little kid waved at me frantically through the bus window.  I laughed and waved back.  There was instantly a look of surprise and then extreme happiness on the kid’s face just because I waved back to him.  This reminded me of how, as children, we need very little to make us happy.
As adults we somehow grow into the belief that we need everything to be a certain way in order to find and appreciate moments of happiness.  But the truth is, to be happy we need much less than we think we need.  In fact, I believe one of the best feelings comes when you realize that you can be perfectly OK and happy without the things you once thought you needed.  And that’s precisely what this short article is about – the things you do NOT need to be happy:

1.  Ideal circumstances.

The happiest people do not live with a certain set of circumstances, but rather with a certain set of attitudes.  Choosing to be positive and grateful for what you have now is going to determine how you’re going to live the rest of your life.  So look for something positive about today.  Even if you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists.
Ultimately, your greatest achievements are moments in time when what you’re doing allows you to see how wonderful your life already is.

2.  Everyone’s approval.

The biggest prison you will likely ever live in is your fear of what other people think.
You cannot let other people tell you who you are or what you want.  You have to decide that for yourself.  When you’re making big decisions, remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you.  Don’t let others make you feel guilty for living your life.  It’s YOUR life.  As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, live it YOUR way.
Fulfillment and success in life lie in your ability to use your entire mind to achieve your goals, dreams and desires.  Take sufficient time to spend with yourself, without external interference.  You’re worth it.  

3.  A perfect past.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your present and future.  Let go, forgive and move forward.  Just because the past didn’t turn out like you had hoped, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you had envisioned.  In fact, we often grow stronger in the places we were once broken.  Because it’s not until you’re broken for a while that you truly learn what you’re made of on the inside.  And this insight gives you the ability to rebuild yourself, stronger than ever before.
Most of the time the only difference between long-term happiness and long-term despair is not quitting on yourself.  As long as you are breathing it’s never too late.  Today is a new beginning.

4.  Full control of life’s constant changes.

Life is constantly changing and we’re changing with it.  We’re not the same person we were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  Life’s cycle doesn’t stop.  Change is what it’s all about.  But every ending is the beginning of something else.  Every exit is an entry somewhere else.  Live, learn, and let go.  Don’t hold yourself down with the changes you can’t control.
Although some forces are out of your control, you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether you’re happy or not depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  The best thing you can do is to let go of what you can’t control, and invest your energy in the things you can.  Live simply, love generously, speak truthfully, breathe deeply, do your best, and leave the rest to the powers above you.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

5.  A carefree, stress-free life.

Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.  Don’t wait until everything is just right; it will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what!  Get started now!  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more skilled, more confident, and more successful.
Say it:  “I am determined to live a happy life no matter my challenges!  I will turn all my tales of fury into tales of glory!  I will turn all of my tales of woe into tales of WOW!”  And no matter what happens, just do your best and appreciate what you’re learning.  You won’t enjoy your life if you don’t enjoy your challenges.

6.  All the things you don’t have.

You are right here, right now, with what you have, breathing.  Enjoy it.  You’ve got nothing to do today except to smile.
Happiness is valuing what you have, and enjoying the people, places, objects and events in your life for what they are.  It’s not about changing and achieving all the time; sometimes it’s about being and appreciating.  And you can nearly always enjoy the things you have and the events happening around you if you make up your mind firmly that you will.

7.  A mountain of money.

If we counted our blessings more often, instead of our money, we would be a lot richer.  Keep money on your mind but out of your heart.  Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life for yourself.  Cultivate your spiritual growth.  The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.

• Happiness formula = Do your best and appreciate what you have.
• Unhappiness formula = Compare yourself to others and the things they have.

It’s nice to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s also important to make sure you haven’t lost track of the things that money can’t buy.  You don’t need a lot of money to lead a rich life.  Good friends and a loving family are worth their weight in gold.  It really is the little things that mean the most… like a long hug at just the right time.  (Read The Happiness Project.)

8.  Any event happening in another time and place.

Make your time count.  Do not wish your moments away.  Do not ruin today by focusing on another time and place.  There is only now; realize how rich you are in it.
Right now you are creating history – your legacy.  Don’t let life slip by without being aware of it.  Life works in a strange way:  You want something and you work and wait and work and wait, and feel like it’s taking forever to come.  Then it happens and it’s over and all you want to do is relive all the great memories you made along the way.
Happiness is the journey.  Open your eyes.  Don’t miss it.

9.  Constant happiness.

The bottom line is that you can’t be happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes.  Life is not always perfect, and the utopian world of constant happiness in not natural, nor should you expect it.
In the short-term, your mood will fluctuate, but it is your ability to realize and deal with these fluctuations that allows you to maintain long-term happiness.  Any fool can be happy when times are good.  It takes a strong soul with real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make most people weep.  But it is possible.
Live every day of your life in full.  Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and the negatives, and all the moods present between the various extremes.  Don’t focus on simply being happy.  Focus on living a well-rounded, seasoned life.  Focus on achieving completeness.  Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so is sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.  And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness.

Next steps…

Choose happiness today by taking life moment by moment, complaining very little, and being thankful for the little things that mean a lot.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What do we sometimes forget we do NOT need to be happy?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Dustin McClure

10 Things Happy Couples Do Differently

post written by: Angel Chernoff

“For the two of us, home isn’t a place.  It is a person.
And we are finally home.”
―Stephanie Perkins

All intimate relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, and attraction, but what do happy couples do differently to keep their love thriving in the long run?
It’s important to understand that love is not just about finding the right person, it’s about working with them to create the right relationship.  Marc and I have met and worked with couples at all ends of the spectrum over the years, and we’ve found that the happiest couples, or the unhappy couples who successfully turn things around, are able to create loving, lasting relationships by doing the following:

1.  They make plenty of time for each other.

Neglect based on lack of attention damages relationships far more often than malicious abuse.  There’s nothing more vital to the bond you share with someone than simply being there for them.  Too often we underestimate the power of a thoughtful question and a listening ear that’s fully present and focused.  Although it’s a simple act, it may very well be the most powerful act of caring – one which has the potential to turn a relationship around.
When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other.  With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow stronger.  This is the side effect of a good relationship – we help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s strengths.
Bottom line:  Stay in close touch with what’s going on in your partner’s life – communicate openly on a regular basis.  Not because it’s convenient, but because they are worth the extra effort.

2.  They don’t beat around the bush.

No matter how sure you are of someone’s love, it’s always nice to be reminded of it.  When you truly love someone, be loving in words and deeds every single day.  Don’t beat around the bush.  Be straightforward.
If you appreciate someone today, tell them.  If you adore someone today, show them.  Hearts are often confused and broken by thoughtful words left unspoken and loving deeds left undone.  There might not be a tomorrow.  Today is the day to express your love and admiration.  (Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3.  They meet in the middle and work together.

The most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting your partner half way.  You will achieve far more by working with them, rather than working alone or against them.  That’s what healthy relationships are all about – teamwork.  It really is a full circle.  The strength of a relationship depends on the strength of its two members, and the strength of each member in the long run depends on the quality of the relationship.
Anyone who helps you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through passion, love and teamwork, is a precious friend and teacher, and thus makes a great partner.  Take the lead and BE this partner.  Make an effort to work closely with your significant other, and conquer the world together.

4.  Their actions consistently backup their claims of love.

Actions often speak much louder than words.  When you love someone you have to act accordingly.  They will be able to tell how you feel about them simply by the way you treat them over the long-term.
You can say sorry a thousand times, or say “I love you” as much as you want, but if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, they aren’t.  If you can’t show it, your words are not sincere.
And remember, it’s not so much about how much you do for your loved ones as it is about the love you put into what you do for them.  Learn what matters most to them and make a habit of it.

5.  They respect each other’s humanness.

All humans are imperfect.  At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the knowledgeable second guess what they know.
And guess what?  You’re human and so is your partner.  In fact, we all are.  We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard.  We stumble, we slip, and we spin out of control sometimes.
But that’s the worst of it; we all have our moments.  Most of the time we’re remarkable.  So stand beside the people you love through their trying times of imperfection, and offer yourself the same courtesy; if you aren’t willing to, you don’t deserve to be around for the perfect moments either.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

6.  They focus on what they like about each other.

What you focus on grows stronger in your relationships.  When you focus on a person’s wonderful qualities, you have a wonderful relationship with them.  When you focus on a person’s not so wonderful qualities, you have a not so wonderful relationship with them.  When you focus on benefits of a situation, you get to take advantage of them.  When you focus on the drawbacks, you gain nothing but a frown.
The bottom line is that you see only what you want to see, and what you see determines the health of your relationships.  Your attitude is a little thing that makes a massive difference.  Don’t be the stubborn one who makes it a point to not see the good in your partner.

7.  There is far more between them than physical attraction.

Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on the outside is like choosing your favorite food based on color instead of taste.  It makes no sense.  It’s innate, invisible, unquantifiable characteristics that create lasting attraction.  There must be common ground in your interests and outlooks on life.
Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the scent of cinnamon, there is an undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts you to the qualities of certain people, places, and things.  Sometimes it’s even the scars your soul shares with them that reels you in and creates the very hinges that hold you together in the long run.

8.  They resolve conflicts through love, not retaliation.

If you’re disappointed with yourself or frustrated with your partner, the answer is not to take it out on the world around you.  Retribution, whether it’s focused on yourself or others, brings zero value into your life.  The way beyond the pain from the past is not with vengeance, mockery, bullying or retaliation, but with present love.
Forgive the past, forgive yourself, forgive your partner, and love the present moment for what it’s worth.  There are plenty of beautiful things to love right now; you just have to want to see them.  Loving is never easy, especially when times are tough, yet it is easily the most powerful and positively enduring action possible.

9.  They open up to each other, especially in trying times.

Let your partner in when you’re in a dark place.  Open up to them completely.  Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them to face your problems with you.  Give them permission to stand beside you.  They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.
Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, your partner is in your life and has dealt with similar emotions and wants to help you.  When you hear yourself say, “I am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

10.  They are committed to growing together.

It’s not about finding someone to lose yourself in, it’s about meeting someone to find yourself in.  When you connect with someone special, especially a lifelong partner, this person helps you find the best in yourself.  In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth.
When you honestly think about what you and your partner add to each other’s lives, you will often find that instead of giving or taking things from each other (advice, answers, material gifts, etc.), you two have chosen rather to share in each other’s joy and pain, and experience life together through good times and bad.  No matter what, you two are there for one another, growing and learning as one.

Afterthoughts

The best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end.  And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day in every way.

The floor is yours…

In your experience, what helps create a happy relationship?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
Photo by: Candida Performa

 CLICK HERE

6 Ways You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

post written by: Marc Chernoff

inSha

For the longest time I had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way.  I studied my failures until I lost sight of my successes.  I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort.  I crafted limiting beliefs and shielded myself from love and happiness by refusing to put myself out there.  And as I did all of this, I sat back and wondered why life was so miserable.
Obviously, I was very lost.
I began to turn things around about a decade ago when my stubborn habits led me into a chaotic argument with Angel.  As we both stared at each other through tears, she said, “Marc, you are the enemy – your enemy.  It’s your choices.  I can’t sympathize any longer.  You can choose differently if you want to, but you have to want to.  Please want to!”  And after some extensive soul-searching, lots of reading, a little sabbatical, and continuous support from a loving wife and a few close friends, I learned to choose differently and eventually found myself again.
I tell you this because I know you struggle with similar inner demons – occasionally we all do.  Sometimes our thoughts and routine choices are our biggest enemies.  Which is why I want to remind you to beware of…

1.  Your expectation of constant contentment.

Nothing in life is constant.  There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness.  There are only the changes in our moods that continuously oscillate between these two extremes.
At any given moment we are comparing how we currently feel to how we felt at another time – comparing one level of our contentment to another.  In this way, those of us who have felt great sadness are best able to feel heightened feelings of happiness after we emotionally heal.  In other words, happiness and sadness need each other.  One reinforces the other.  Humans must know misery to identify times of elation.
The key is to focus on the good.  May you live each moment of your life consciously, and realize that all the happiness you seek is present if you are prepared to notice it.  If you are willing to appreciate that this moment is far better than it could have been, you will enjoy it more for what it truly is. 

2.  Your obsession with examining personal failures.

Imagine being enrolled in five college classes in which you achieved one A, two B’s and two C’s.  Would you concentrate on the A or the C’s?  Would you berate yourself for falling short in the C classes?  Or would you capitalize on your obvious interest and aptitude in the subject matter of the A class?  I hope you realize the value of the latter.
Every morning when you wake up, think of three things that are going well in your life at the moment.  As you fall asleep every night, fill your mind with an appreciation for all the small things that went well during the day.  Examine your successes.
Give the power of your thinking to the positive influences in your life, and they will grow stronger and more influential every day.  Remind yourself often of what works well and why, and you’ll naturally find ways to make lots of other things work well too.  The most efficient way to enjoy more success in life is not to obsess yourself with what hasn’t worked in the past, but instead to extend and expand upon the success you already know.

3.  Your urge to surrender to the draw of comfort.

The most common and destructive addiction in the world is the draw of comfort.  Why pursue growth when you already have 400 television channels and a recliner?  Just pass the chip dip and lose yourself in a trance.  WRONG!  That’s not living – that’s existing.  Living is about learning and growing through excitement and discomfort.
Life is filled with questions, many of which don’t have an obvious or immediate answer.  It’s your willingness to ask these questions, and your courage to march confidently into the unknown in search of the answers, that gives life it’s meaning.
In the end, you can spend your life feeling sorry for yourself, cowering in the comfort of your routines, wondering why there are so many problems out in the real world, or you can be thankful that you are strong enough to endure them.  It just depends on you mindset.  The obvious first step, though, is convincing yourself to step out of your comfort zone.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

4.  Your self-limiting beliefs.

You do not suffer from your beliefs.  You suffer from your disbeliefs.  If you have no hope inside of you, it’s not because there is no hope, it’s because you don’t believe there is.
Since the mind drives the body, it’s the way you think that eventually makes the dreams you dream possible or impossible.  Your reality is simply a reflection of your thoughts and the way you routinely contemplate what you know to be true.  All too often you literally do not know any better than good enough.  Sometimes you have to try to do what you think you can’t do, so you realize that you actually CAN.
It all starts on the inside.  You control your thoughts.  The only person who can hold you down is YOU.

5.  Your resistance to being vulnerable.

Love is vulnerability.  Happiness is vulnerability.  The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening yourself to beauty and opportunity.
Being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of you that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts you would rather keep hidden from the world.  It’s about looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “This is me.  Take me or leave me.”
It’s hard to consciously choose vulnerability.  Why?  Because the stakes are high.  If you reveal your authentic self, there is the possibility that you will be misunderstood, judged, or even rejected.  The fear of these things is so powerful that you put on an armored mask to protect yourself.  But, of course, this only perpetuates the pain you are trying to avoid.
The truth is nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet.  Since love and happiness are born out of your willingness to be vulnerable – to be open to something wonderful that could be taken away from you – when you hide from your vulnerability, you automatically hide from everything in life worth attaining.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

6.  Your expectations of how things are supposed to be.

There’s this fantasy in your head about how you think things are supposed to be.  This fantasy blinds you from reality and prevents you from appreciating the genuine goodness that exists in your life.
The solution?  Simple:  Drop the needless expectations.  Appreciate what is.  Hope for the best, but expect less.
You have to accept reality instead of fighting it.  Don’t let what you expected to happen blind you from all the good things that are happening.  When you stop expecting people and things to be perfectly the way you had imagined, you can enjoy them for who and what they truly are.

Your turn…

In what way are you your own worst enemy?  Please leave us a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Brendon Burton

 CLICK HERE

7 Miserable Choices You Make Too Often

post written by: Marc Chernoff

“We become what we repeatedly do.”
―Aristotle

Are you tired of dealing with the same type of grief over and over and over again?
If so, it’s time to purge a few bad habits.  It’s time to learn from your mistakes rather than be conquered by them, and let your errors be of commission rather than omission.
It’s time to cut out the habits that have been holding you back, change the tune, clean the house, and get rid of the dust and dirt.  Stop denying yourself a fair chance at a good life.  Stop being who you were, and become who you truly are.
When you stop doing the wrong things, the right things start happening.  Take the following habits and flip the switch:

1.  Keeping all the pressure of your thoughts inside you.

Even if someone has known you for your entire life, it is impossible for them to know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling.  They can’t feel something for you or know exactly how your mind is processing thoughts.  They could invest every bit of their energy over the course of their entire lifetime in an attempt to achieve this understanding, but in the end they would fall short.
This is precisely why you need to open up and speak your mind to a supportive confidant who will listen to you without judgment.  Only then will they get a momentary, unfiltered glimpse into your soul.  Only then will you feel the pressure of your thoughts subside.
If you feel extremely stressed or even a bit depressed, then you’re likely feeling very alone.  It’s vital that you talk to someone who is sympathetic, whether this person is your spouse, parent, sibling, a good therapist, or just a trusted friend.  So many people suffer in silence and feel that they would be a burden to others if they spoke up about their troubling thoughts.
Understand that your mental health is vital and everyone needs a helping hand and a listening ear sometimes.  In fact, helping one another is a big part of what makes us human, so opening up and asking for assistance is one way of enabling someone close to you to realize their own humanity.

2.  Holding yourself to impossible standards.

Be fair to yourself.  Perfectionism is a trap.  Your expectations need to expand and contract as circumstances in your life change.  When you learn to give yourself a break and feel okay about not being able to live up to impossible standards, then you can begin to get the worry-free rest your mind and body so badly need.
You will always be perfectly imperfect just the way you are, wherever you are.  Instead of berating yourself for falling short, give yourself credit for making progress.  Grow as you go.  Let go of how things “should be” so you can see all the great possibilities in front of you.
It’s also important to note that there’s no such thing as perfect happiness, just as there’s no such thing as perfect despair.  This is why trying to be perfect is an exercise in futility.  What does exist, however, is a continuous series of imperfect moments in your life filled with infinite possibilities and opportunities for you to interpret them and do with them as you please.
You can pave the road you travel with doubt and despair or hope and happiness.  It’s your choice.  Either way, you will someday arrive at the same destination.  The only question is:  Do you want to arrive with a frown or a smile?  (Read The Happiness Hypothesis.)

3.  Always going and going and going…

When you get too caught up in the busyness of your daily routine, you lose connection with the important people in your life, and yourself.  You end up filling all your waking hours, and then you fool yourself into believing you are relaxing when you’re merely moving from one of your daily labors to the next.
Relaxation is the key to mental and physical recovery.  Stopping for a while and taking time to relax when you feel like things are getting out of control will gradually allow your mind and body to feel restored and reenergized again, thus allowing you to reconnect with the right inner mindset and the people and things that matter most to you.
How do you relax?  There are many ways, but the foundation of all of them is focused breathing.  Your breath is the bridge between your life circumstances and your consciousness; it unites your body and your thoughts.  Whenever your thinking becomes scattered with the worries and stress of busyness, use your breath as the means to take hold of your thoughts again.  Just breathe, be present, and do your best with what’s in front of you.

4.  Changing nothing and expecting different results.

There’s a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  If you want to improve yourself, you have to try new things to see what works and what doesn’t.
If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Inspiration is great, but it must be met by dedicated action.  Changes must be invoked and implemented.  The difference between what is impossible and possible for you lies in what you do and how determined you are.
Often the difference between a successful person and a person who struggles to implement positive changes is not one’s superior abilities, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take steady steps forward.  In other words, some people sit and wait for the magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work.
So ask yourself:  What’s going to be different today?  How do you want your life to be from here on out?  

5.  Procrastinating and then doing 99 things at once.

Do you plan your days?  Did you wake up today knowing what you wanted to accomplish?  If not, maybe it’s time you do.
The way you spend your time defines who you are.  You don’t get to choose how you are going to die or when; you can only decide how you are going to live right now.  Trust me, a year from now you will wish you had managed your time properly today.
What would you regret not accomplishing this year?  What would you regret doing an abysmal job at, simply because you waited until the last minute and then rushed around doing 99 things at once?  Create a plan to accomplish these things and get started today.
Planning doesn’t have to be long and tedious; it can just be a 60 second process.  Every night, think about a few small things that you want to accomplish tomorrow and write them down.  When you wake up the next morning, review this list before you do anything else, and then take the first step.
Remember, we only have two choices when we wake up in the morning:  either we go back to sleep and dream, or we wake up and chase a dream.  In the end it doesn’t matter what you’re thinking, it matters what you’re doing.  Whatever you want to accomplish, it’s time to get started now.

6.  Ignoring the people you love.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to put the most important people on the back burner, because you know they’ll wait for you.  Right?
Wrong.  Your important relationships should be at the forefront of your priority list.  When we take things for granted, these things eventually get taken away.  Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.  Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to us by letting less important things take precedence over them on a daily basis.
Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  You know who these people are.  They’re the ones who are always there with you in spirit – the ones who leave footprints in your thoughts and dreams.  They are the glue that binds a smile to your soul.  Treat them as such.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

7.  Ignoring your body’s needs.

The human body is the only machine for which there are no spare parts (unless you borrow them from someone else), so treat your body right.  Exercise to be fit, not skinny.  Eat to nourish yourself.  And always ignore the haters, doubters and unhealthy examples that were once feeding you.
Staying in shape is simpler than most people make it.  Body fat is dictated by what you eat and your activity.  Working out affects two things mainly: fat and muscle.  Aerobic exercise burns fat and builds a little muscle.  Weight training builds muscle and burns a little fat.  In most cases, if you’re overweight you’re eating too much of the wrong stuff and/or not exercising enough.
Also, keep in mind that your brain is part of your body too.  The human brain accounts for roughly 2% of the total mass of the human body, yet it consumes over 20% of the oxygen and nutrients the human body intakes.  So even if you don’t care what you’re body looks like, it makes sense to fuel your body with healthy food and keep your blood oxygen levels high with regular exercise.
Bottom line:  Take good care of your body.  It’s the only place you will ever truly live.

Afterthoughts

We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.  Realize that you are only destined to become one person – the person you choose to be in this moment.  Do good and feel good.  Do bad and feel bad.  It’s that simple.  So don’t be afraid to make necessary changes and start over.  Right now is a brand new opportunity to choose differently and build what you truly want.

The floor is yours…

What choices have been hurting your happiness?  What habits do you need to change?  Please leave a comment below and share a small piece of your story with us.
Photo by: Paul G.

 CLICK HERE

8 Dangerous Things We Teach Each Other

post written by: Marc Chernoffi

Be aware of the implied and menacing lessons society teaches.  To truly thrive in this world you’re going to have to unlearn and disregard some of the ludicrous advice people reflexively pass along to each other.
Here are eight dangerous pieces of advice you may have learned:

1.  There is a clear path that everyone should follow.

Your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding in life at all the wrong things.
Choose a path that fits YOU.  Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.  Challenge yourself to ask with each and every step, each focus point that consumes your energy: “Does this thing I’m doing right now serve me and those I care about in the next few minutes, few months, and few years?”
Whatever you settle on, just make sure you don’t gain the whole world by losing your soul and purpose in the process.  Read The Untethered Soul.

2.  Success is a particular outcome or object that can be acquired.

Success is a consistent pattern of behavior more so than it is an isolated event.  It is the way you live rather than some object or outcome you acquire.  Success is yours when you persistently embody the discipline, integrity, attitude, and other attributes from which it is derived.
It is a mindset within you.  If you consider success to be something outside of you, that’s where it will always remain – somewhere else.  So in your thoughts, your words, your actions and your expectations, be the living embodiment of success, and whatever you touch will have the potential to be successful too.

3.  You need more to be happy.

You are doing just fine.  You don’t need any more or any less to be happy.
Life would be so different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your perception with their words and opinions.  Happiness is derived from the way you see your own life; it depends on your thoughts, not on what you have or what you do not have, or what other people think about what you have.  Read The How of Happiness.

4.  Rejection and criticism stifle growth.

No matter how good you are at something there will always be people who criticize your efforts.  And while it’s never a comfortable experience, the feelings of criticism and rejection can actually help you access your more creative self.  Free from the expectations of maintaining a status-quo that everyone is pleased with, you can push the limits of innovation and self expression.

5.  The future is what matters most.

Right now you are alive.  This moment is your life.  Today is too valuable to waste thinking of another time and place.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore.  Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing.  Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you.  Much of what you fear does not exist.  Much of what you love is closer than you realize.  You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.

6.  Big opportunities only come to a lucky few.

Big opportunities come to those who make the most of little opportunities.  Little opportunities are present in each moment and in every situation.
Today is filled with little opportunities.  Everywhere you look, there are small ways for you to make a positive difference.  In little bits of time that might otherwise be wasted, there is a piece of something larger waiting to be created.  String enough of these pieces together, and absolutely anything is within your reach.  You just need to decide what it is you want to achieve.  Read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.

7.  All relationships should be held on to and nurtured.

Most people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you something.  They come and they go and they make a difference.  And it’s okay that they’re not in your life anymore.
Not all relationships last, but the lessons these relationships bring to you do.  If you learn to open your heart and mind, anyone, including the folks who eventually drive you crazy, can teach you something worthwhile.
Sometimes it will feel weird when you realize you spent so much time with someone you are no longer connected to, but that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.  You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.  We all are.

8.  The past is indicative of the future.

The mindset of your past being indicative of your future is hogwash.
Do not judge your failed attempts and mistakes as an indication of your future potential, but as part of your growth process.  Your past has given you the strength and wisdom you have today, so celebrate it and use the knowledge you’ve gained.  Don’t let it haunt you and hold you back.
Quite often, the successful people who act the happiest are the ones who have overcome the most.  Sometimes you have to lose something precious in order to gain something priceless.  So if you hit rock bottom, just think, you’ve got nothing to lose, everything to gain, and a solid foundation without expectations or obligations from which to rebuild your life.
Photo by: Bo Insogna

 CLICK HERE

10 Ways to Gain Fame for Being a Good Person

post written by: Angel Chernoff

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
―Desmond Tutu

Lift others up.  Treat people with respect.  Be positive.  Be true to your values.  Do your best.  Do things that bring you in contact with your passions.  Take care of yourself, your family, and your friends.   Be the person that makes others feel special.  Be known for your kindness and honesty.
This is how you gain admiration and fame for being a good person…

1.  Care about people.

People don’t care about how much you know, until they know how much you care.
The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion, compassion, humor, generosity, and kindness, and using these tools to improve the lives of those around you.
Smile, and help others smile too.  If you don’t have the power or strength to write someone’s happiness, then try to help them remove their sadness instead.  And don’t let the numbers overwhelm you.  You can’t help everyone at once.  Focus on assisting one person at a time, and always start with the person closest to you.
If you can lie down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone’s day just a little better, you’re doing it right.

2.  Help people help themselves.

Whenever possible help people by teaching them to help themselves.  Put the tools in their hands, show them how to use them, step back, and be there when they trip.  Love them when they fall.  Repeat.
It’s one thing to take the initiative with people you already know, but what about all the people around you whom you barely know?
Be friendly and introduce yourself to someone nearby.  When you’re connecting with someone new always start with generosity.  Focus on how you can help the other person.  Do you have information that could benefit them?  Do you have a skill that could assist them through their current situation?  Do you know someone who they should meet?
One of the best investments you can make in yourself is to take a genuine interest in other people.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

3.  Live by the truth.

The most important thing you can do for others is to live by your truth and be who you truly are.  If you trade in your reality for a role, you are doing everyone a disservice.  When you put on a mask, and trade in your sense for an act, you give up your ability to truly connect with others.  The bottom line is that there can’t be any deep connection between you and anyone else until there’s a deep connection within, to your truth.  All of life’s goodness transpires on the inside first.
Once you are true on the inside, reflect it on the outside.  Be honest and do what you know is right.

4.  Let your passions ignite your ability to thrive and inspire others.

When you stop doing things you are passionate about, you stop living and you start merely existing.  The same way your body responds to food, your heart, mind and spirit need nourishment too.  You are able to get that nourishment when you indulge in your passions.  Because when you truly lose yourself in something you love, you will eventually find yourself there too.
If you truly want to attract the right attention, you must devote your time and energy to what calls to your soul.  When you do, you will find your life unimaginably enriched and attractive to those with like minds.  

5.  Be a force for positivity and encouragement.

Elevate your inside game.  A negative attitude is below your horizon…
Our way of thinking creates good or bad outcomes.  It makes a big difference in your life and the lives around you when you stay positive.  So be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic.  If something is not to your liking, change your liking and carry on with smile.  Always turn a negative situation into a positive lesson and move forward.
Encourage the best possible results with your thoughts and words.  And teach this philosophy to those around you too.

6.  Over-deliver on your promises to yourself and others.

Make a real difference in the world by pushing boundaries.  Test, prod, and poke until something positive gives.  You can do this by saying “yes” to more than just what you’re comfortable with.  Learn to stretch yourself.  You might be surprised by what you’re actually capable of.  Your confidence and understanding will grow, too, and you will end up giving yourself and the world more than anyone bargained for.
And when others are involved, under-promise and over-deliver on everything you do.  Supply far more than what’s required.  Period.

7.  Have the guts to communicate clearly, from the heart.

Communication is what connects us.  Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours.  Speak up so people can understand you.  Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand.  Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and likeability.
And before you say something, always check in with yourself for a second to see if it’s really what you believe.  The time you take to develop this awareness, the more comfortable you will be with communicating your truth to others.  You probably think you do this, but do you really listen to yourself?  The difference between someone who makes an impact and someone who misses the mark rests in their passion for the truth.  You can’t say what you want to say because it’s easier.  You have to communicate honestly, straight from your heart… and that takes guts.

8.  Express your sincere appreciation to those who have earned it.

No matter how sure you are of someone’s appreciation and admiration, it’s always nice to be reminded of it.  So if you appreciate someone today, tell them.
Just because they are reliable and there when you need them, doesn’t mean you should fail to give thanks and appreciation on a regular basis.  To value someone too lightly is to risk missing the depth of their goodness before they’re gone.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

9.  Apologize when you know you should.

Take personal responsibility for your wrong doings.  If you know, for instance, that your actions or words have hurt someone, you must immediately admit your faults and face the reality of your actions.
An apology is the super glue of lasting relationships.  It can repair just about anything.  Never ruin a relationship or your reputation with an excuse, instead of simply apologizing.

10.  Take care of the one in the mirror.

If you want to be known for awakening happiness in the world around you, start by living a life that makes you happy, and then radiate your happiness outward.  If you want to be known for eliminating suffering in the world, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity outward.
Truly, the greatest power you have in this world is the power of your own self-transformation.  It starts with the one in the mirror.  Be the very best version of YOU, and the right people will be drawn to you.

Afterthoughts

Ambition, intention and disciplined effort will bring you great things in this world, but there is more to success than acquiring the commonly celebrated milestones of success that society confers.  In the long run, it’s less about achieving things and more about doing the right things, for yourself and others.  It’s about being a genuinely good person.

Your turn…

Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
What would you add to the list?  What’s your favorite way to be a good person?
Photo by: Drew Myers

 CLICK HERE

10 Things No One Can Steal From You

post written by: Marc Chernoff

in

Of all the things that can be stolen from you – your possessions, your youth, your health, your words, your rights – what no one can ever take from you is…

1. Your uniqueness. – You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own.  Having a low opinion of yourself is not humility, it’s self-destruction.  Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not egotism, it’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success.  You deserve to wear a smile in your heart.  Not because of what you have or what you do, but because of who you are.  Yes, you are changing each day, but you are always amazing just as you are.
2. How you feel about yourself. – It takes a long time to learn how to NOT judge yourself through someone else’s eyes, but once you do the world is yours for the taking.  We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own life, and we will never be happy or successful if we try to live someone else’s idea of it.  So give up worrying too much about what others think of you.  What they think isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.  Read Emotional Freedom.
3. Your intuition. – If you’re thinking just like everyone else, you aren’t really thinking.  Follow your intuition.  Do what makes sense to you.  Never compare your journey to someone else’s.  Everyone has their own struggles, their own challenges, and a different path that they chose to get to where they are.  Remember, you don’t need to wait for external circumstances to perfectly align in order to show up for the life you’ve been dreaming of.  What you’re looking for is already somewhere inside you.
4. Your passion. – If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.  Find your passion, whatever it is.  Become it, let it become you, and great things will happen FOR you, TO you, and BECAUSE of you.  And even if things don’t work out as planned, you’ll still be heading in the right direction.  Because nothing you have passion for is ever a waste of time, no matter how it turns out.
5. Your determination. – When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid, that’s when life gives you a chance to grow strong and be brave.  Nothing is permanent in this crazy world, not even your mistakes, failures, or troubles.  If you keep your eyes open and your feet moving forward, you’ll eventually find what you need.
6. Your attitude. – Something nobody can take away from you is the way you choose to respond to what others say and do to you.  The last of your freedoms is to choose your attitude in any given circumstance.  Choose to be happy and positive.  It is not always easy to find happiness in ourselves, but it is always impossible to find it elsewhere.  Regardless of the situation we face, our attitude is our choice.  So smile as you walk away and move on from negative people and their actions.
7. Your ability to spread love and kindness. – The measure of your life will not be in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.  And 99 percent of the time you get what you put in, so give freely.  Charity can be in the form of a smile, lending an ear or a helping hand.  There are many acts of kindness that don’t cost a cent.  Remember, the ultimate goal of all goals is to be happy.  If you want to be happy make those around you happy.  Read The Happiness Project.
8. Your hope. – It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.  The biggest obstacles that stand between a person and what they want in life is the will to try it, and the faith to believe it’s possible.  Hope is the little voice inside your head that whispers “maybe” when it seems like the whole world is shouting “impossible!”
9. Your knowledge and life experiences. – Character and wisdom are sculpted over time.  They come with loss, lessons, and triumphs.  They come after doubts, second guesses, and unknowns.  If there was a definitive path to success, everyone would be on it.  The seeds of your success are planted in your past failures.  Your best stories will come from overcoming your greatest struggles.  Your praises will be birthed from your pains.  So keep standing, keep learning, and keep living.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
10. Your choice to move on emotionally. – Don’t let past relationships and old mistakes ruin your future.  Don’t let someone or something that didn’t make it in your life continue to hurt you.  If you do, you’re still giving a portion of your life to something that no longer exists – it’s like letting your happiness slip into a black hole.  Learn the lesson, release the pain, and move on.  Scars remind us of where we have been, not where we are headed.
11.  Photo by: Martin Gommel