12 Little Habits that Stole Your Happiness Last Year

post written by: Marc Chernoff

This is a new year.  A new beginning.  And things will change.

Are you tired of dealing with the same type of headaches and heartaches over and over and over again?
Seriously, it’s time to purge some bad habits as we begin a New Year.  It’s time to learn from your mistakes rather than be conquered by them, and let your errors be of commission rather than omission.
Remember, you ultimately become what you repeatedly do.  If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you.  Here are 12 common examples of the latter that stole happiness from hundreds of our coaching clients last year:

1. Sticking exclusively with what you already know. – When you stop learning you stop living a meaningful life.  This is the truth.  Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar and comfortable territory.  It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable.  You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings and experiences.  Your own perspective will become clearer when you look at things from different angles.  Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.
2. Resisting life’s inevitable and necessary changes. – There will always be more tough changes to make.  Always!  And yes, this growth can be painful.  Change can be painful.  But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong.  You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago or a week ago.  You’re always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life.  It takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage, still, to accept responsibility for making the change happen.  But doing so is worth every bit of effort you can muster.
3. Letting others define what’s possible for you and your life. – Some people will kill you over time if you let them; and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, seemingly harmless phrases like, “Be realistic.”  When this happens, close your ears and listen to your inner voice instead.  Remember that real success in life isn’t what others see, but how you feel inside.  It’s living your truth and doing what makes you feel alive.  There will come a time when your back is up against the wall and you’ll realize all you can do is say, “I’m sorry, I’m doing things my way this time!”  That’s the earth-shattering moment you stop planning for someone else’s expectations and start making progress on what’s truly important to YOU.  That’s when you begin to live life according to your own morals and values.  And that’s when you can finally be happy and free.
4. Focusing on everyone’s story except your own. – Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own.  And don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 15.  Unfold your own tale and bring it to life.  You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming.  Incredible change happens when you decide to take control.  This means consuming less and creating more.  It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking and deciding for you.  It means learning to respect and use your own ideas and instincts to write your passage.  If you want your life story to soar to new heights this year, you’ve got to clear a path, reduce the time-sinks and burdens weighing you down, and pick up the things that give you wings.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.
5. Focusing on every little problem. – The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our attitudes, not our circumstances.  If you’re stressed out by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your interpretation of it; and this is something you have the power to change at any moment.  In other words, frustration and stress come from the way you react, not the way things are.  Adjust your attitude, and the frustration and stress is gone.  (Read The How of Happiness.)
6. Wanting to be more right than everyone else. – When it’s suddenly more important to win arguments than to love people, we need to start all over again with our priorities.  Remember, truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong.  They know that finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right.  And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned.  In fact, sometimes we must choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride.  When two people who care about each other fight, both are wrong.  They have put some kind of superficial outcome over love and compromise.  The one who apologizes and makes up first is the one who is right.
7. Holding on to someone who continuously and deliberately hurts you. – Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.  Forgiveness is important, but when someone hurts you time and time again, purposely, you have to accept the fact that they don’t care about you.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine.  Do NOT strive to impress them anymore.  Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them.  Nothing needs to be proven.  Do not act with any thought of them for the foreseeable future.  Create space for yourself and dedicate your time and energy to rediscovering your happiness and peace of mind.
8. Being more loving to others than you are to yourself. – Life gets a lot easier when you are your own best friend.  So don’t forget about YOU out there, and don’t be too hard on yourself either.  There are plenty of others that will do both of these things for you.  There’s absolutely nothing selfish about self-care.  If you don’t take good care of yourself then you can’t take good care of anyone else.  Because we can’t give what we don’t have.  Treat yourself right and you’ll be life-giving to others.  And know that there’s a big difference between self-care and…
9. Being too self-absorbed. – Generosity is what keeps the things you own from owning you.  In other words, generosity isn’t just to help others, it’s also to liberate you.  Which is why you cannot live abundantly until you have done something nice for someone who can never repay you.  Know this and live graciously.  There is no exercise better for your heart and mind than reaching down and lifting people up.
10. Expecting everyone else to be as kind and caring as you are. – Bottom line: You will end up very disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them.  Not everyone has the same heart as you.  (Read Loving What Is.)
11. Expecting to never lose anything. – It’s incredibly tough to comprehend at times, but there’s a reason for everything.  We must know the pain of loss, because if we never knew it, we would have little compassion for others and we would become bigheaded monsters of egoism – creatures of sheer self-interest, never being happy with what we have.  The awful pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to warm-up a cold heart, and make an even better person out of a good one.  So remember that no book is just one chapter.  No chapter tells the whole story.  No hardship defines who you are.  Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.
12. Letting yesterday’s displeasures defeat you. – Don’t live with disappointment, live beyond it.  You cannot stop what has already happened, but you can let it make you stronger and more determined.  The journey to emotional maturity requires that you review the events in your life to find the wisdom and purpose they contain.  And a time will inevitably come in your life when you finally get it.  When in the midst of all your hesitation and frustration you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, “ENOUGH!”  This is the turning point that ultimately leads to healing and growth.  So as we begin a new year, close the door on your past, open the door to your future, take a deep breath, take a step forward, and start a new chapter in your life.

Afterthoughts

As I’ve mentioned before, if you’re struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone.  Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives and relationships on track.
The bottom line is that it’s never too late to take a step in the right direction.  It’s never too late to become the person you are capable of being.  Things can change if you want them to, at any age.  Right now you have the opportunity of a lifetime.

The floor is yours…

What stole a little too much of your happiness last year?  What changes are you going to make this year to reclaim your happiness?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Marcus

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15 Ways to Live a Year with No Regrets

post written by: Marc Chernoff

inS

It’s a choice.  To be positive and free, or to be imprisoned by your own negativity.  To live in the past, or to be hopeful about the present.

With 2014 now behind us, I’m sitting here on the eighth anniversary of a dear family member’s passing, thinking about the last conversation I had with her.  With a soft, weak voice she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the final two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  “I’ve accomplished so much recently,” she told me.  “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.”
Her words have been a pulsing wake-up call to me ever since.  And today, I hope they help change your perspective too.
As Kurt Vonnegut once said, “Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are: “It might have been.”
So with a New Year upon you, realize that you have a priceless opportunity!  Forget the past year.  Forget your age and what could’ve or should’ve been.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  At the end of it, let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets.
Here are 15 great ideas to get you to December 31st, 2015 with a smile on your face and a sense of accomplishment in your heart…

1. Be the leader of your own journey. – There are far too many capable people who don’t pursue their dreams and goals because they let their fears, or others, talk them out of it.  They give up before they even try and simply let life’s river flow them downstream.  Choose to be stronger than that.  Choose to swim upstream when you have to.  Choose to do the things in life that move you.  Let others lead small lives.  Let others argue over small things.  Let others cry over small wounds.  Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands.  But not YOU.
2. Embrace uncertainty. – Sometimes what you don’t want is exactly what you need.  Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.  Some of the most incredible chapters in your life won’t have a title you feel comfortable with until much later.
3. Take calculated risks. – There is no excuse for being an amateur forever.  Life is short.  The day is rapidly approaching when the risk to remain perched in your nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  Fly!  Spread your wings.  Start now.  What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face…)
4. Don’t just study it.  DO it! – Knowledge combined with intention and action will organize the fulfillment of almost any desire.  Yet so many people miss the final step.  The action!  So pound this into your head: The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing – growing happens when what you know changes the actions you choose to live by on a daily basis.  It’s about learning AND DOING!
5. Put diligent effort into your biggest goals. – Are you willing to spend time for a few years like most people won’t, so you can spend the better part of your life like most people can’t?  Think about that for a second.  If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs.  Most people want the reward without the risk.  The shine without the grind.  But that’s laziness, and laziness does not pay.  Effort pays.  The time and energy you invest in focused effort is never wasted.  So remember… Expecting to win without preparation and hard work is arrogance.  Expecting to win because you’ve prepared and worked hard is confidence – and that’s what you need to succeed in the long run.
6. Think you CAN. – Truthfully, if it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.  And change breeds growth.  So when a goal seems big and a plan looks tough, just begin, push through it for awhile, and soon the next thing you need to do will look possible.  Step by step you can get through anything – this is the truth and you have to believe it.  In the end, you’re going to succeed because you’re crazy enough to think you can.
7. Respond with the power of your positivity. – Talking about our problems can be an unhealthy addiction.  Break the habit and talk about your joys, victories and blessings instead.  Envision problems no longer being a problem to you.  Envision the frustrations around you no longer frustrating you.  Envision a day where you are no longer limited by limited thinking.  Envision old obstacles no longer being able to hold you back.  Now consider this: Your life is the way it is not because of what happens, but because of how you respond to it.  If you can truly envision that the problems are not problems at all, that’s the way it will be.  If you can sincerely imagine that the obstacles can’t hold you back, they won’t be able to.
8. Flow with life, rather than against it. – Instead of resenting what you must do, just get it done.  Transform the energy of resentment into the satisfaction of achievement.  When you choose to love what you’re doing, you’ll be able to do more of what you love.  It’s a truly fulfilling way to live.  In this moment is everything you are and everything you need.  So allow your actions to add positive value to the moment.  Rather than making judgments about what’s enjoyable and what’s not, make the choice to simply enjoy what is, and then make the best of it.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
9. Be extra kind to people. – The person you mistakenly take for granted today may turn out to be the only person you need tomorrow.  Which is why you must remember to…
10. Value what money can’t buy. – People who spend all their time trying to make money, spend all their money trying to make time.  Don’t do this to yourself.  This year, be wealthy in healthy relationships too.
11. Share your love openly and honestly with those you love. – No matter what, you’re going to lose people in your life.  Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together.  Don’t learn this lesson the hard way.  Express your love.  Tell people what you need to tell them.  Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable.  You never know when you might lose your opportunity.
12. Be wise enough to walk away from needless negativity. – Other people’s negativity is rarely worth dealing with.  Let them work it out on their own time.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness and bad behavior change the person you are.  And…
13. Forget trying to please every stranger you meet. – Some people are not going to agree with you or like you no matter what you do or what you say.  Get over it and get on with your life.  No one has the right to judge you anyway.  They may have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through.  So forget what they say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and do your best to…
14. Let your presence overpower your fear of judgment. – When you’re in a social situation that’s making you anxious, train yourself to be present without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgment.  This is your choice.  You CAN change the way you think.  For instance, if you were performing life-saving, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on your mom in public, you’d be 100% focused and present.  You wouldn’t be thinking about what bystanders thought of your hair, your body type or the brand of jeans you were wearing.  All these inconsequential details would vanish from your consciousness.  The intensity of the situation would motivate you to choose not to care about what others think of you.  This proves, quite simply, that thinking about what others are thinking about you is YOUR CHOICE.
15. Say “goodbye” so you can say “hello.” – In life, goodbyes are a gift.  When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold onto them or pray to keep them present in your life.  If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the plan for the next step of your life.  It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different and something more, and life is simply making room.  So embrace your goodbyes, because every “goodbye” you receive sets you up for an even better “hello.”

Afterthoughts

If you’re struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone.  Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and live a life free of regrets. 
The bottom line is that it’s never too late to take a step in the right direction.  It’s never too late to become the person you are capable of being.  Things can change if you want them to, at any age.  Right now you have an opportunity to write yourself a New Year full of peace and free of regret.

The floor is yours…

What else would you add to the list?  What do you want to do in the next year that you know you will not regret?  Leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Boyd Meiklejohn


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27 Simple Things to Start Doing for Your Happiness

post written by: Marc Chernoff

It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life: YOU.

I am endlessly fascinated by the link between the way we choose to live our lives and the happiness we enjoy on a daily basis.  There are choices that you make every day, some of which seem completely unrelated to your happiness, that dramatically impact the way you feel mentally and physically.
Over the years, through our coaching practice and premium course, Angel and I have literally spoken to thousands of people who are struggling to find happiness in their lives.  And what we’ve found is that it usually isn’t what you have, where you are, or what you’ve been through that makes you happy or unhappy, it’s how you think about it all and what you do with it.
In our day-to-day lives it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees and completely overlook some of the small, simple things that can disproportionally affect our levels of happiness and general fulfillment in life.
Luckily, you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself.  Angel and I have spent the better part of a decade working one-on-one with our coaching clients and finding the right habits and behaviors that support sustained happiness.  Below, I take a quick look at some of the more actionable tips that can be easily worked into your daily routine.

1. Start learning to be more human again. – Gadgets are great, but they can get in the way if you aren’t careful.  Control them so they don’t control you.  In other words, put down the phone.  Don’t avoid eye contact.  Don’t hide behind a screen.  Ask about people’s stories.  Listen.  And smile together.
2. Start filtering out the noise in your life. – Be careful about who you give the microphone and stage to in your life.  Don’t just listen to the loudest voice.  Listen to the truest one.
3. Start choosing differently, for your own well-being. – A big part of your life is a result of the little choices you make every day.  If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start tweaking things and making better choices, right now, right where you are.
4. Start being way more productive than you are busy. – There’s a big difference between being busy and being productive.  Don’t confuse motion and progress.  A rocking horse keeps moving but never makes any forward progress.  In other words…
5. Start dedicating time every day to meaningful activities. – What you do every day matters, but WHY you do what you do matters even more.  So quit doing just what you’re able to do; figure out what you were made to do, and then do more of it.  And if you only have fifteen minutes a day to spare, no problem – make those fifteen minutes meaningful.
6. Start being present. – If your mind carries a heavy burden from the past, you will experience more of the same.  Let it go.  And also be careful not to dwell so much on creating your perfect future life that you forget to live today.  Be here now and make the most of it.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)
7. Start replacing your worries with positive actions. – Most of the things I’ve worried about didn’t happen.  Most of the things I’ve hoped for and worked hard for did.  The same is true for the happiest and most successful people I’ve talked to and worked with over the years.  So keep dreaming and keep DOING.
8. Start running toward things, not away from them. – The best way to move away from something negative is to move toward something positive.
9. Start letting your love overpower your fear. – There are only two energies at the core of the human experience: Love and Fear.  Fear pushes what you want away from you.  Love draws it in.
10. Start doing what’s right, even if it’s not the easiest option. – Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.  Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s worth your while.  Do what’s right, not what’s easiest right now.  It’s a less stressful and regretful way to live in the long run.
11. Start comparing yourself to yourself, and no one else. – Forget what others have and where they are.  You’re not walking in their shoes, and you’ll never comfortably walk in your own if you keep comparing yourself to them.  So focus on what’s best for YOU and your unique circumstances.  What do you need to do next for your own objectives?  Do it!  You won’t be distracted by comparison if you’re captivated with purpose.
12. Start genuinely being happy for others. – The more beauty you find in someone else’s journey, the less you’ll want to compare it to your own.
13. Start being more tolerant of those who see things differently. – Remember, love and kindness begets love and kindness.  The way we love people we disagree with is the best evidence of what we really believe about ourselves.
14. Start letting grace have the last word. – We’ll only lose the arguments our pride insists on winning.  When it’s more important to win arguments than love people, we need to start all over again with our faith and priorities.
15. Start giving without expectations. – You will end up very disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you.  Which is why you sometimes must give twice as much without expectations to eventually get something better than you ever imagined.  It’s about the long-term, big picture.  The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and give them hope, is proof that generosity works wonders behind the scenes.  So…
16. Start being the difference you want to see in the world. – Honestly, you were born with the ability to change someone’s life.  Don’t ever waste it.  Be kind.  Be present.  Be someone who makes a difference.  What you give to another person is really what you give to yourself.  When you treat others with love, you learn that you are lovable too.
17. Start making your “relationship wealth” a top priority. – People who spend all their time trying to make money, spend all their money trying to make time.  Don’t do this to yourself.  Put first things first.  Be wealthy in good friendships and family time from the get-go.  (Read The Happiness Project.)
18. Start SHOWING your loved ones what they mean to you. – Our closest relationships are vital to our happiness.  As we tell those we love that we love them, we must never forget that the highest compliment is not to utter words, but to live by them.
19. Start being grateful for the life that is yours. – Gratitude is simply the awareness of what’s good.  Count your blessings, no matter how small, and start with the breath you’re taking now.
20. Start replacing the phrase “I have to” with “I get to” whenever you catch yourself starting to complain. – So many activities we complain about are things others wish they had the chance to do.
21. Start opening up to new growth opportunities. – In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything.  Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear.  Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up.  Keep an open mind and have fun with life.
22. Start letting little frustrations go as soon as they arrive. – You can’t let one bad moment spoil a bunch of good ones.  Don’t let the silly little dramas of each day get you down.  Happiness starts on the inside.  You control your thoughts about everything.  Meaning, the only person who can hurt your happiness in the long run is YOU.
23. Start focusing only on what you can control. – Never force anything.  Give it your best shot and then let it be.  If it’s meant to be, it will be.  Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control.
24. Start turning the pages that need to be turned. – No book is just one chapter.  No chapter tells the whole story.  No mistake defines who we are.  Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.  
25. Start embracing the lessons life is teaching you. – Everything that happens helps you grow.  Sometimes painful experiences teach us priceless life lessons we didn’t think we needed to know.  If you’re having problems, that’s good.  It means you’re making progress.  The only people with no problems are the ones doing nothing.
26. Start measuring your progress every day, no matter how small. – You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.  You may not be where you want to be yet, but look how far you’ve come, and be grateful that you’re not stuck where you once were.
27. Start embracing the uncertainty in front of you. – Don’t let not knowing how it’ll end keep you from beginning.  Uncertainty chases us out into the open where life’s true magic is waiting.

Afterthoughts

Today, I hope you will have a delightful day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change.  And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to this post?  What’s something you do on a regular basis that has helped you find more happiness in life?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Dada

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8 Ways to Free Your Mind and Take Back Control of Your Life

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,
none but ourselves can free our minds!
―Bob Marley

Since we were born, our minds have been gradually programmed by our surroundings and by society at large.  As we grow, evolve and awaken to this reality, we learn that it is in our best interests to uninstall some of this programming and take back control of our minds.
What are we taking control back from, specifically?  Well, in part, the immense amount of cultural, societal and institutional brainwashing that has greatly influenced who we are and how we view ourselves and our abilities.
For example, despite what you may have heard… You don’t need to be a person who requires everyone to approve of them.  Your relationships don’t need to model modern day sitcoms.  Your daily energy doesn’t need to be directed by mindless drama, which is often stirred just to distract you from your deeper purpose and passions.
You can clear yourself of this corrupt thinking and reclaim your sanity and effectiveness.
But it’s hard, because distractions are everywhere, pulling at us and creating needless points of focus meant to disempower us.  They drive us into compulsive consumerism and egotism, rather than meaningful connections and emotional freedom.
So today, it’s time to flip the switch.  It’s time to free your mind and take back control of your life.  Here are eight smart ways to start doing just that:

1. Be selective about the media you consume. – Marketers all across the world are tracking your patterns, buying your personal information and studying your online and offline habits in order to funnel you into purchasing products from the companies that hire them.  If you are inclined to cave, and make impulsive, unhealthy purchases – like greasy fast food – they are aware of this, even to the exact percentage of likelihood that you will make this impulse buy.  They push ads upon you until your willpower gets weak.  This is just one form of mind control being practiced publicly every day.  It’s manipulative and it was created to be.  You have to take back control from these mega-corporations by making strong-willed, healthy decisions that support YOUR best interests.  Buy things that benefit you and those you love, not things that benefit big companies that don’t care about you.
2. Prioritize YOUR desires ahead of external and internal resistance. – You’re the one that’s got to die when it’s time for you to die, so let yourself live life the way you want to live it.  Seriously, life is too short to waste profuse amounts of time wondering what other people think about you.  In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you.  What should be important to you is not their opinions of you, but your opinion of yourself.  So don’t let others get in your way!  And don’t let your fears get in your way either; they’re not there to scare you.  They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.  If a particular pursuit makes you feel alive, stand strong and step forward, no matter what.  (Read The Happiness of Pursuit.)
3. Stop wishing for it and start working for it. – Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want to do tomorrow.  Through the grapevine you may have heard that what you should want is “an easy life.”  But that’s not true; what you really want is a life you are proud to have lived, and that takes work.  Because the only way that we can truly live, is if we grow.  The only way that we can grow is if we change.  The only way that we can change is if we learn.  The only way we can learn is if we are exposed.  And the only way that we can become exposed is if we are willing to put ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties.  Do it!  It’s worth it!
4. Create healthy daily rituals. – The person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be every single day.  Because how you spend your days is how you spend your life.  In a nutshell, when it comes to working hard to achieve a substantial life goal of any kind – earning a degree, building a business, fostering a relationship, raising a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”  Think about it.  We ultimately become what we repeatedly work hard at.  And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?  That’s the power of daily rituals. 
5. Flip your perspective from negative to positive. – We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.  You’ve heard this before.  Don’t let negativity influence you.  When others are being negative, ignore them.  Keep in mind that how others see things is rarely the truth.  There are no facts, only interpretations, and it is our interpretations that make us or break us.  If you look at things the right way, you can see that the whole world is a beautiful garden.  It’s your job to tend to it, and to see and appreciate the roses.  Because in the end, the quality of your vision drives the quality of your living.  Train your mind to see the beauty in everything.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the effectiveness of your perspective.
6. Stop looking for and expecting “perfect.” – You are flawed, so is everyone you know, and that’s just as it should be.  Seriously, have no fear of perfection; you will never reach it.  And don’t expect that others will achieve it either.  We’re all imperfect beings filled with flaws and imperfections, therefore we shouldn’t wish to highlight the weaknesses of others at the expense of denying our own.  In the end, you will come to realize that perfection, especially in relationships, is only ever found in the beauty and honest appreciation of imperfection.  (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
7. Give yourself a break. – Yes, you have battles out in the world to fight, insecurities to overcome, loved ones to contend with and goals to achieve, but a break from it all is necessary.  It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while.  If you don’t, you will burn yourself out.  So refill your bucket on a regular basis.  That means catching up on sleep, making time for laughter and fun, eating healthy enough to maintain solid energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
8. Loosen your grip on the past. – Sometimes we have to let go of what’s killing us, even if it’s killing us to let go.  Letting go means to come to the realization that some circumstances and relationships are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.  Cry.  Forgive.  Learn.  Move forward.  Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.  And remember, sometimes the hardest part isn’t the act of letting go but rather learning to start over.  This is normal.  This is a new day.  A new beginning.  And things will change for the better.

Afterthoughts

The Dalai Lama once said, “A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting.  If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behaviors.”
Today, make it a point to defragment your consciousness and center your spirit on positive, productive thoughts and habits.  Tune out the drama around you and tune in to your own intuition.  Free your mind.  Smile and be grateful.  Life is too short to waste on negativity and those who create it.

Your turn…

What clutters your mind and holds you back?  What ideas, people and circumstances do you need to free yourself from in order to move forward?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

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7 Rituals You Should Steal from Extremely Creative People

post written by: Marc Chernoff

“Creativity is just connecting things.  When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it; they just saw something and connected the dots.  It seemed obvious to them after a while.”
―Steve Jobs

Over the years, through our coaching practice and premium course, Angel and I have spoken with dozens of entrepreneurs, artists, and creative types about their unique rituals and routines.  The really nice thing is that we often learn just as much from our clients as they do from us.  They tell us about some of the most incredibly creative ideas and projects imaginable, and we teach them how to fine-tune the process of getting from where they are to where they want to be.  A good coach/client relationship is truly a win-win.
Today, I want to share seven of the most common rituals we’ve seen repeated by the most creative people we’ve worked with.
It’s often said that creativity can’t be contained.  That creative inspiration and ideas arise suddenly out of nowhere and then fail to show up when we need them most.  And while that may be true for a specific idea, when you look at the broader picture, you realize that sustained creativity – having lots of creative ideas over time – doesn’t come from a flash of brilliance or a single moment of inspiration.  It comes from a consistent set of rituals that serve as the bedrock for getting remarkable things done.

1.  Engage deeply in meaningful pursuits.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “Stop whatever you’re doing for a moment and ask yourself: Am I afraid of death because I won’t be able to do this anymore?”
One of our coaching clients brought this quote to my attention about a decade ago.  Today I have it pinned to the bulletin board in my office.  It stops me from squandering my most precious resource: my time.
Creativity as both a lifestyle and a profession is a daring adventure, and a truly rewarding one.  To thoroughly love what you do while also being fulfilled financially and emotionally is an aspiration and a challenge.  That aspiration can become a reality, but it takes lots of hard work, dedication, and some luck that eventually comes from persistently doing the right things.  Which is why you must remind yourself on a daily basis of what’s actually meaningful to you, and fully commit to the actions that yield progress in that area of your life.

2.  Set up triggers that get you into the rhythm for a routine of creating.

Maya Angelou only wrote in small hotel rooms.  Jack Kerouac made sure to touch the ground nine times before sitting down to write.  And many of the artistic clients we’ve worked with over the years have done everything from meditating, to singing, to running, to even doing two-hour long workouts immediately prior to working on their creative projects.  For example, take a look at our client Fay’s morning routine.  Here’s what she recently told us:
“I begin every day with one simple ritual: I wake up at 6 a.m., put on workout clothes, walk outside my downtown San Francisco home, hail a taxi, and tell the driver to take me to my gym.  I workout for an hour and forty-five minutes, and then I take a leisurely fifteen-minute jog back home.  The important part of the ritual is not the training I do at the gym; what’s important is getting in that cab every morning and getting the day started in the right direction.  The rest just falls into place.  I get home feeling good and ready to work.”
Think about your days.  How are they structured?  What triggers your creative (and productive) mind?  Are you consciously structuring your days with this trigger in mind?
Whether it’s waking up early, working in a specific location, or hitting the weights first thing in the morning, you need to find a trigger that gets you into rhythm – your rhythm.  When you design a healthy daily routine that starts automatically every morning, you save lots of mental energy for the creative thinking that comes naturally when you find yourself in your rhythm.  Through this personalized routine you will bring out your most intuitive work.
Of course, your routine will change occasionally due to evolving circumstances.  The idea is that you make the necessary adjustments and maintain a routine that works – one that maintains the necessary triggers and rituals to develop and nurture your creative mind, and to ultimately do the work necessary to get you from where you are to where you want to be.  (Read The War of Art.)

3.  Spend daily downtime daydreaming.

Creative types know that, despite what their grade school teachers likely told them, daydreaming is anything but a waste of their time.  While structured routines are important for the actual process of creating, our minds need downtime filled with the freedom to wander.
Neuroscientists have found that daydreaming involves the same brain processes associated with imagination and creative thinking.  According to psychologist Rebecca L. McMillan, who recently co-authored a research paper titled Ode To Positive Constructive Daydreaming, daydreaming can aid in the “creative incubation” of ideas and solutions to complex problems.
Perhaps that’s why we sometimes get our best ideas while taking a long, hot shower.

4.  Schedule in new experiences.

When they’re not daydreaming in their downtime, creative types love to expose themselves to new experiences, sensations and states of mind.  This willingness to stretch themselves is a significant predictor of their creative output.  Because creative growth always begins at the end of your comfort zone.
Of course, a big part of this happens inside a routine when you’re “in rhythm” and working hard to stretch your creative and intellectual muscles.  But new experiences help balance out your routines.  They force you to think differently.  So make an effort to try something new at least once a week.  It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger.  Once you get the ball rolling, many of these new experiences will open doors to life-changing perspectives you can’t even fathom right now.
And with a strategy of continuous small, scheduled steps into new experiences, you are able to sidestep the biggest barrier to thinking outside the box: Fear.

5.  Observe your mentors and study the work of other masters.

If you study the lives of enough successful creators, it becomes obvious that most world-class performers in all fields – musicians, entrepreneurs, artists, dancers, etc. – had incredible mentors, coaches or role models who made the activity of practice worthwhile and rewarding.
If you can speak with a mentor face to face, that’s incredible – do so!  But keep in mind that just observing a mentor works wonders too.  When we observe someone we want to learn from, and we have a crystal clear idea of what we want to create for ourselves, it unlocks a tremendous amount of motivation.  Human beings are socially inclined, and when we get the idea that we want to join some elite circle up above us, that is what really motivates us to achieve greatness.  “Look, they did it.  I can do it too!”  It may sound overly simplistic, but spending time studying people who are great can be one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.
In his book Mastery, Robert Greene emphasizes the importance of studying the work of others using Mozart as an example.  This is an essential building block for mastering your craft and cultivating your creativity at the same time:
“Throughout his career, Mozart never asserted any particular opinions about music.  Instead, he absorbed the styles he heard around himself and incorporated them into his own voice.  Late in his career, he encountered for the first time the music of Johann Sebastian Bach – a kind of music very different from his own, and in some ways more complex.  Most artists would grow defensive and dismissive of something that challenged their own principles.  Instead, Mozart opened his mind up to new possibilities, studying Bach’s use of counterpoint for nearly a year and absorbing it into his own vocabulary.  This gave his music a new and surprising creative quality.”
The bottom line is that studying mentors and other masters can help you diversify your own creative output.  Doing so facilitates the process of cross-pollinating ideas and strategies, introducing you to new approaches and ways of thinking.  Not everything others do will be relevant to you, of course, but it will help refine and develop your style and tailor it to your own unique creative goals.

6.  Lean heavily on your intuition.

Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from a combination of your previous life experiences and core perceptions about the present.  If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason.  When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts.
Creative people know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your biggest goals and wildest dreams come true, just the way you envision.

7.  Gradually turn life’s obstacles around.

Many of the most iconic novels, songs, and inventions of all time were inspired by gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak.  Therefore, the silver lining of these great challenges is that they were the catalyst to the creation of epic masterpieces.
An emerging field of psychology called Post-Traumatic Growth has suggested that most people are able to use their hardships and traumas for substantial creative and intellectual development.  Specifically, researchers have found that trauma can help people grow their long-term contentment, emotional strength, and resourcefulness.
When our view of the world as a safe place, or as a certain type of place, has been shattered, we are forced to reboot our perspective on things.  We suddenly have the opportunity to look out to the periphery and see things with a new, fresh set of beginner’s eyes, which is extremely beneficial to creativity and personal growth. 

Afterthoughts

Walt Disney once said, “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long.  We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious – and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
This is one of my favorite quotes.  It inspires me to write and create.  And to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”

“I thought this was a great article.  Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive 25,000+ shares on Facebook.  Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, I’ve realized one thing: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work.  We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.
And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work.  It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it.  There’s no use in doing that.
Instead, it’s our job to create.  Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment.  Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot.
There are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft.  In other words, almost everyone is an artist in some way.  And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work.  The important thing is to not let your self-judgment keep you from doing your thing and sharing your creative gift with the world.
Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”

The floor is yours…

What else would you add to the list?  What rituals, routines and lifestyle choices help you think more creatively and work more resourcefully?
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Anthony Sigalas

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10 Tough Truths Happy People Aren’t Afraid to Face

post written by: Angel Chernoff

by Kendra Wright

Some changes appear negative on the surface but when you look back you’ll see that your deepest pain often gifted you with your greatest lessons.  The same way coal is only transformed into diamonds because of intense pressure, only through our challenges will we be changed.

Truth be told, life isn’t always easy; but if you can find opportunities in your oppositions you’ll spend less time wishing things weren’t so hard and more time being grateful that they are.
Rest assured – happy people are not immune to hard days, heartbreak, or feeling like a fool!  The difference is they turn frustrations into fuel and rebuild from the pebbles they discovered after hitting rock bottom.
If you’re having a hard time seeing the beauty in the ugly things life has handed you lately, here’s some truths happy people are already facing that could help you too:

1. If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs.  Most people want the reward without the risk.  The shine without the grind.  You are praised in public for what you practice in private.  You can’t have the destination without the journey.  Instead of thinking about what you want, first consider: What are you willing to give up to get it?
2. You are going to be inspired by your dreams and also terrified by them.  Don’t run from the things that scare you, chase them.  Do work that keeps you up late and wakes you up early.  Don’t be persuaded by the “stability” in practicality – you can fail at something you don’t love too, so why not take a chance on what you do love.  There’s no promise that passion will pay your bills, but you’ll never hit a home run if don’t step up to the plate.  (Read Quitter.)
3. A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.  Easy things will never make you proud.  The same walls you build to protect yourself will also imprison you if you build them too high.  The biggest dream killer isn’t a lack of opportunity or talent, it’s the addiction we have to our comfort zone.  Fools believe they can conquer fear.  But those who go far in life understand that uncertainty will never quite go away when they are doing great things.  They are prepared to walk beside it everyday for as long as it takes to get to where they want to go.  Don’t let fear be a stop sign.  Instead, use it as a roadmap to a life well lived.
4. If you want to see what’s holding you back, look in the mirror.  It’s you… and only YOU 99% of the time.  The toughest battles you’ll ever fight will begin between your own two ears.  Before you get the rest of the world onboard, you’ll have to convince the biggest critic of all – YOU!  There are a lot of things that are going to get in your way in life, don’t let yourself be one of them.
5. Being “realistic” is the fastest traveled path to mediocrity.  Small people will doubt big dreams.  It’s easy for people on the sidelines to doubt and judge when they aren’t taking any risks themselves.  So don’t dim your light just because it will hurt someone else’s eyes.  Don’t let a drop of your self worth rely on their acceptance of you.  Decide you’ll do it with or without them.  They may call you crazy when you’re just getting started but they’ll label you a genius once you’ve succeeded.
6. You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.  Life is a “practice,” not a “perfection”… and it’s only coming around once.  This is IT!  So live fully while you’re here.  Have fun, be crazy, be weird.  Go out and make mistakes.  They are a necessary part of a life well lived.  When something goes wrong (and it will), don’t run or try to hide.  See it as an opportunity to learn something you didn’t know about yourself.   The goal is not perfection; just be an excellent example of being human.
7. People will love you, and people will dislike you.  And most of the time, it will have nothing to do with you.  How others treat you is their karma, how you respond is yours.  Love them anyway.  Be kind because it’s who you are, not because they have to earn it.  The hardest people to love are often the ones who need it the most anyway.  (Read How to Win Friends and Influence People.)
8. You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.  You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life.  Take chances when you’re young; tell stories when you’re old.  The goal is to not look back and say, “Wow, I felt safe.”  The goal is to say, “Wow, that was an adventure.”  If your life is awesome, it’s your fault.  If your life is boring, it’s your fault.  If you wouldn’t read the story you’re living right now, write a different one.
9. People who are out making a difference in the world are not like everyone else.  So don’t blend in.  You will always be too much of something for someone – too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy, and so forth.  If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.  Once you’ve truly accepted who you are – quirks, flaws, and all – no one can use them against you.  For those who truly care about you, there are no flaws in you larger than their love.
10. Every wrong relationship leads to the right one.  If you can love the wrong person so much, imagine how much you’ll love the right one.  Every heartbreak presents an opportunity to grow into an improved version of yourself.  Great love shakes us up, excites and terrifies us simultaneously, while making us feel so desperate and out of control that we have no choice but to transform our lives.  When it leaves us, we can choose to become bitter or to become better.  Will you become stronger and wiser with an increased ability to love?  Or will you miss the gift?  One day someone will come into your life and make you see why it didn’t work out with anyone else.  Until then, use every chance you get to grow into the kind of person they couldn’t imagine living without.  (Read It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.)

Afterthoughts

It’s OK to feel confused, frustrated and even lost – happy people experience all these emotions too.  It’s a sign of intelligence.  Only fools are totally sure about their path and every choice they make.
Find a way to be happy regardless of what life hands you.  You may not be able to control it, but you can learn and grow from it.
As you breathe right now, another person is taking their last breath.  They are praying for all the things you and I are taking for granted.  So don’t complain.  Be grateful for every experience, every challenge, and every surprise that you’re blessed with.
If you haven’t found the lesson in your latest struggle yet, keep looking, it’s there.  And if all else fails, stay grateful that you’ve been given more time to figure it out.  Not everyone has been so lucky.

Your turn…

Which one of the truths in this post resonate with you the most?  What’s one tough truth you’ve had to face, or hardship you’ve had to deal with, that taught you a great lesson and helped you grow?
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Jo Munday

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7 Things Happy, Healthy People Do Every Morning

post written by: Marc Chernoff

When you get up in the morning, think of what a priceless privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to learn, to love – and then make the day count!

The morning is extremely important.  It is the foundation from which the day is built.  How you choose to spend your morning can be used to predict what kind of day you are going to have, and thus, what kind of life you are going to live.
Each morning truly is a brand new opportunity.  Each day is another chance to get it right.
The happiest, healthiest people I know embrace this truth and use it to their advantage.  They have effective morning rituals that gradually improve their well-being and give their lives purpose.  Here’s what they do differently:

1.  They wake up with a sense of gratitude.

In other words, they start the day with love in their hearts and minds, and are truly appreciative of their life and all of its priceless idiosyncrasies.  They practice small acts of gratitude in the morning by expressing thankfulness directly to the people they care about, and to the immediate circumstances (health, opportunities, etc.) they could so easily take for granted.
From the research and coaching Angel and I have done over the years, we’ve found that the more a person is inclined to gratitude, the less likely he or she is to be depressed, anxious, lonely, envious, or neurotic.  Bottom line: Consider how very fortunate you are.  Consider it every morning.  The more you count your blessings, the more blessings there will be to count, and the happier you will be.

2.  They begin anew.

They know it’s a brand new day to start over and do something different.  Yesterday may have been a complete bummer for them, but today is a new day for learning, success and adventure.  Realize this.  Live now.  Not before.  Not later.  Just NOW – in the moment you’re in.
Inhabit your morning completely.  Don’t rent it out to the past.  Don’t let your history interfere with your destiny!  Let today be the day you stop being a victim of yesterday’s circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want.  You have the power and the time to shape the rest of this day.  Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness.  (Read The Book of Awakening.)

3. They use self-inquiry to affirm a purposeful start to the day.

Steve Jobs’ morning routine used to start by looking in the mirror and asking, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”  And Benjamin Franklin asked himself each morning, “What good shall I do today?”  I challenge you to come up with questions that keep you on track and push you to live a purposeful life.  Here are three questions I often ask myself:

• What would I like to remember about today?
• How will I sincerely honor my own desires and truth today?
• What can I do to make a positive difference in the lives around me today?

4. They read something positive.

Some happy people read a bit of scripture each morning, while others read inspiring books, articles or quotes to get their day started.  Either way, they have a ritual to read some form of self-improvement literature to stretch and grow their insight and knowledge.  It’s starts their day off on a positive note with positive, productive ideas to guide their day’s journey.
And that’s crucial, because in life you often have to create your own sunshine.  So read something positive every morning when you wake up, and let it inspire you to do something positive before you go back to sleep at night.  That’s how memorable days are made.

5.  They follow an effective morning routine.

Happy, healthy people know that morning routines are critically important.  They help you focus and build momentum for your day, and they give you the freedom to be present and relaxed – to enjoy just being right where you are each moment, rather than rushing from somewhere to somewhere.
Once you get your routine in order, for the first time in a long time, you will be able to, quite literally, smell the coffee.  For truly easy-going mornings, reduce the number of decisions you must make.  There are two simple ways to do this:
First, make your big morning decisions the night before: what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear, what you need to take to work, etc.
Second, build a simple routine for as much of your daily morning tasks as possible.
Really, there’s no need to drastically alter the simple things like how much time you give yourself to get ready for work, how complex of a meal you make for breakfast, or bathroom and shower rituals from one morning to the next.

6.  They give themselves enough time to eat a wholesome breakfast.

You can’t possibly have a happy, healthy day if you feed your body garbage first thing in the morning.  Period.  Your body is a temple.  You are what you eat.  So do not eat processed food, fast food, and all the filth the big processed food companies try to pass off as “healthy.”
Does it take ten extra minutes to prepare a wholesome breakfast?  Yes it does.  Is it worth it?  Yes it is!  Most foods that you don’t have to prepare manually statically cause sickness, cancer, and disease.  Do they taste good?  Sure.  It’s all well-seasoned, pre-packaged poison.  This is why so many people are sick – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually – because they are hooked to the taste of poison, instead of being hooked on the truth and to real foods that heal and provide the human body with good health and wellness.  Don’t make this mistake.  Fuel your body properly first thing every morning.  (Read 100 Days of Real Food.)

7.  They move on gracefully to what’s most important.

As human beings, we are goal oriented.  We like making progress.  When we accomplish one of our goals, we smile about it.  That’s why the happiest people I know are also some of the most successful people I know.
And success is not something you have; it’s something you DO.  It’s something you experience when you wake up and act accordingly.  So let your first hour set the theme of proactivity and success that is certain to echo through your entire day.  The key is to focus your attention first thing in the morning on the right things.  Why?  Because at some point we all wonder, “Why is it so impossible to get everything done?”  But the answer is stunningly simple: We’re doing too many of the wrong things.
Several research studies have shown that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up.  Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones.  So if you want to be more successful, less stressed, and a lot happier at the end of a long day, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”  Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do.  I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.

Afterthoughts

Angel and I have our alarm set to the song Happy by Pharrell Williams.  For us, it’s impossible to not smile when this song plays.  This, combined with the other rituals above, set the tone for a productive, happy and healthy day.  

The floor is yours…

So what about you?  What helps you start the day off right?  Please let us know by leaving a comment below.
Photo by: Riana Green

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