25 Things You Should Never Stop Doing for Yourself

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and your life,
not what’s best for everyone else.

When I was 16 years old and too young to fully grasp the sensitivity of the situation, I interviewed my grandmother’s friend, JoAnn, who was terminally ill, for a school project entitled “The Speed of Life.”  About five minutes into the interview I began questioning JoAnn about her illness and her life situation.
“So,” I tried to delicately ask, “What is it like to wake up every morning and know that you are dying?”
“Well,” she replied, “What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you are not?”
Whoa!  In an instant, JoAnn’s response opened my young eyes to one of life’s greatest truths:  Today is the oldest each of us has ever been and the youngest we will ever be again.
In other words, life is short and the clock is ticking.  It’s kind of scary, but it’s true.  If there was ever a perfect day to stand strong beside your values, your ambitions, and what’s best for you, that day is today.
So today I challenge you to…

1. Never stop stretching and improving yourself. – Always dream and shoot higher than you think is possible.  Do not bother trying to be better than your peers or predecessors.  Try to be better than you ever knew YOU could be.
2. Never stop listening to your own inner voice. – The unhappiest folks are those who care the most about what everyone else thinks – those who let everyone else drown out their own inner voice.  So stand strong beside yourself.  There’s great freedom in leaving others to their opinions.
3. Never stop walking comfortably in your own shoes. – If you don’t follow the path others want you to follow they might become irritated.  Don’t worry about it.  Let them be.  It’s their problem, not yours.  So many people seem to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but have no clue how to lead their own.  So focus on your inner callings and keep paving your own path.  Remember that it is more useful to be aware of a single strength or weakness in yourself than to be aware of a thousand strengths and weaknesses in others.
4. Never stop working through your fears. – Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.  So don’t let fear decide your future.  In the end, you can be comfortable or courageous, but not both at once.
5. Never stop being a little unrealistic. – To be successful, you have to be a little unrealistic.  You have to believe that something totally different than what has happened for an eternity CAN happen starting now.  Think about it.  Being realistic doesn’t change anything – being unrealistic does.  Doesn’t it seem a bit unrealistic to be able to use a mobile phone to instantly research any topic imaginable, watch movies, get perfect driving directions to anywhere you want to go, and see your friends face-to-face no matter where in the world you are?  Fortunately a small group of computer scientists didn’t think so.
6. Never stop doing what needs to be done. – You were born to be a success.  Although to be successful, you must plan to be, prepare to be, expect to be, and work to be, every day.  (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)
7. Never stop embracing your struggles. – After each struggle you once faced in the past was overcome, you grew stronger and more able to meet the ones you face today.  Likewise, the struggles you face today are preparing you for the challenges of tomorrow.  As this process of growth takes place, remember that there are no mistakes.  The events that arise as you journey forward, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary steps in order to learn what you need to know to reach the places you’ve chosen to go.
8. Never stop being willing to make mistakes. – Making mistakes is far more productive than never moving.  You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy avoiding or denying them.  And no matter how bad of a mistake you make, there comes a time when you have to stop thinking about it and move on.  No regrets in life – just lessons that show you the way forward.
9. Never stop getting back up. – The strongest and most accomplished people are not those who always win, but those who refuse to give up even after they lose.  You might think you’re not good enough, but you’ll surprise yourself if you keep trying.  What defines us is how well we rise after falling.  At the end of the day, to win, all you have to do is get up one more time than you fall down.
10. Never stop making the best of it. – When you lose something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path that was meant for you.
11. Never stop ignoring the naysayers. – When someone undermines your dreams, predicts your doom, or criticizes you in any way, remember, they’re telling you their story, not yours.
12. Never stop taking small steps forward. – The moment you give up is the moment you let someone else win.  So keep going.  You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward. 
13. Never stop giving yourself a chance to soar to new heights. – You’ll never be able to fly if you hold on to what holds you back.  So respect yourself enough to walk away from what no longer grows you.
14. Never stop smiling. – When you lose your smile, you lose your footing.  So be determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation you may find yourself.  For you will eventually learn that the greater part of your happiness or unhappiness is determined not by your specific circumstances, but by your attitude and outlook.
15. Never stop thinking positive. – Thoughts are power.  They create and destroy.  What is possible is everything.  What you do is up to you.  Look around and you will see that almost your entire life has been born out of your thoughts.  Know this, and plant your seeds accordingly.  You can change your mind at any moment.  So go ahead.  Change it right now.
16. Never stop laughing at yourself and your life situations. – All self-misery has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in taking life too seriously.  If you take everything too seriously, especially yourself, you’ll wind up fearing every new step you take.  Loosen up and laugh it off if you can – especially when things don’t go as planned.  People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.  You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself and your circumstances.
17. Never stop appreciating the life you’re living right now. – Stop rushing.  Breathe.  Be where you are.  You’re where you’re supposed to be at this very moment.  Every experience and step is necessary.  (Read The Power of Now.)
18. Never stop indulging in life’s little daily joys. – Notice what you love, not what you hate.  Smile more.  Happiness is enjoying the small things in life, all while chasing after the big ones.
19. Never stop spreading your kindness. – How you make others feel about themselves, says a whole lot about you.  So treat people right.  Kindness IS a gift you can afford to give.
20. Never stop giving what you can. – Exercise your talents to give back.  Do so whenever you can, because you can.  And when you get tired, remember all those people who can’t do what you can do.  Think about what they would be willing to give to have the abilities you have right now – a simple gift you take for granted.  Then strive harder just for them.  And know that there are others out there with different gifts who are doing the same for you.
21. Never stop giving your important relationships a fair chance. – It’s impossible to find someone who will never hurt you, so go for ones worth the pain.  And remember, without a little pain, joy wouldn’t feel so good.
22. Never stop doing little things for your own happiness. – Remember, happiness comes from your own choices and actions.  Waiting for someone else to make you happy is the best way to be sad.
23. Never stop opening your mind to new perspectives. – Don’t hate what you don’t understand.  Give things a fair chance.  Your mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work unless it’s open.
24. Never stop evolving. – Just because you liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean you’re required to always like it.  You can change your mind.  You don’t have to pretend to like something as an act of loyalty to who you are as a person, based on who you once were.  To be sincerely loyal to yourself is to allow yourself the freedom to change.  The only thing you ever are for sure is unsure, and this means you’re growing, and not stagnant or imprisoned by old ways of thinking.
25. Never stop writing your own story, your own way. – When writing the story of your life, never, ever let someone else hold the pen.  Make conscious choices every day that align your actions with your values and ambitions.  Because the way you live each day is a sentence in the story of your life.  Each day you make a choice as to whether the sentence ends with a period, a question mark, or an exclamation point.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one thing you will never stop doing for yourself?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Stefano Corso

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20 Things to Stop Letting People Do to You

post written by: Marc Chernoff

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Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

This past Sunday, while we were enjoying an afternoon barbeque at our friend Sara’s house, her 16-year-old foster child, Cody, received a visit from his biological mother – a woman who has been in and out of prison and rehab her whole life. Although Sara was a bit reluctant about it, she let them talk in the family room alone, and we eavesdropped from the kitchen just to make sure everything was okay.
Cody’s mother was extremely rough around the edges and almost immediately started bringing up hurtful memories from the past, and then told him, “I wish I could go back in time and raise you again, to change who you are and give you a better upbringing.”  Just as Sara was about to walk into the room to interject, Cody calmly replied, “I’m perfectly fine, thank you.  I’m proud of who I am.  Maybe you should go farther back in time and change who you are instead.”  And then he walked her to the front door and politely asked her to leave.
Cody’s response impressed me on so many levels.  It takes a lot of courage, especially at 16 years of age, with a rough upbringing, to tactfully stand up for yourself.  And he handled himself with grace.
So whenever you’re dealing with a difficult or hostile person, remember how Cody handled himself.  Take a stand.  This is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.
It’s time to…

1. Stop letting people drag you into needless arguments. – Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who have proven that they are committed to misunderstanding you.  And don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have said, “This needless nonsense is not worth my time!”
2. Stop letting people drown you with their negativity. – Positivity is a choice.  Choose wisely.  Be smart enough to walk away from the negativity around you… it is never worth your while, ever.
3. Stop letting people make you feel ashamed of your scars. – Scars remind us that our past is real, and that we have grown beyond it.  Every scar has a story.  Don’t be afraid to tell it and own it.
4. Stop listening to those who berate you for your honest mistakes. – To grow strong and wise, you must have the courage to make mistakes.  Allow yourself to be a beginner.  No one starts off being excellent.
5. Stop letting others blind you from YOUR truth. – Today, the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Prove yourself to yourself, not others.  (Read A New Earth.)
6. Stop letting people bully you. – Bullying is not OK.  Period.  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand your ground.  Don’t give them any leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.
7. Stop letting friends be untrue to you. – What is a true friend?  Someone who loves you just the way you are, but still inspires you to be a better person.  BE a true friend to others, and keep only true friends close to you.
8. Stop letting the same people lie to you over and over again. – If someone fools you once, shame on them.  If someone fools you twice, shame on you.  If you catch someone lying to you, speak up.  Some people will lie to you repeatedly in a vicious effort to get you to repeat their lies over and over until they effectively become true.  Don’t partake in their nonsense.  Don’t let their lies be your reality.
9. Stop letting people take advantage of you. – Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.  This is NOT right!  Realize this.  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with people who make you smile – friends who don’t take you for granted – friends who won’t leave you hanging.
10. Stop letting people treat you like a back-up plan. – Don’t settle to simply be someone’s downtime, spare time, part time, or sometime.  If they can’t reliably be there for you when you need them most, they’re not worth your time.
11. Stop letting the wrong people get between you and the right ones. – Don’t let the people who refuse to love you keep you from the people who do love you.  Spend time with those who make your world a little brighter simply by being in it.  Someday you will either regret not doing so, or you will say, “I’m glad I did.”
12. Stop letting hateful people motivate you to hate them back. – As Gandhi once said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”  Regardless of how despicable another has acted, never let hate build in your heart.  Fighting hatred with hatred only hurts you more.  When you decide to hate someone you automatically begin digging two graves: one for your enemy and one for yourself.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
13. Stop letting people leave grudges in your mind. – Remember, the first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Always.
14. Stop letting people use your past to poison your present. – Life is too short to tirelessly struggle with old news and those who refuse to let it go.  Some people cannot stand that you’re moving on with your life and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their behavior.  Keep moving forward.  Practice acceptance and forgiveness.  Letting go of the past is your first step to happiness.
15. Stop letting people convince you that change is a bad thing. – The things we can’t change often end up changing us.  This change happens for a reason.  Roll with it.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
16. Stop letting people steer you away from meaningful pursuits. – If you can smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.  So don’t let other people get between you and the ideas and activities that truly move you.
17. Stop letting people dump on your dreams. – Life will test you to see how serious you are about pursuing a particular path.  And sooner or later you may face negative feedback from others.  When this happens, remember not to let anyone crush your spirit.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.
18. Stop letting naysayers talk you out of putting in the extra effort. – Hard times often lead to greatness.  Keep the faith.  It will be worth it in the end.  The beginnings to great things are always the hardest.
19. Stop letting people convince you of their quick-fix schemes. – Anything worth achieving takes time and dedicated effort.  Period.  Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. 
20. Stop letting people tell you that you need more to be happy. – Thankfulness is the start of happiness.  Be sure to appreciate what you’ve got.  Be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one thing you will NOT let others do to you?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Neil Moralee

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4 Good Reminders When You’ve Had a Bad Day

post written by: Angel Chernoff

 

I have learned that life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and that life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate an unwavering commitment to push forward even when times are tough.

Sometimes I catch myself staring at the people around me – studying their gestures and expressions.  I wonder, “What’s their story?  What are they searching for?  What makes their heart beat with happiness, with sorrow, with fear, and with longing?”  And then I ask myself, “What thoughts might Marc and I post on this blog to inspire them, and to remind them that, even on the toughest days, our hearts all beat for these same things?”

 Because when life gets stressful, we often forget the things we should remember, and remember the things we should forget.  So here are some good reminders for those bad days when you need a little extra motivation:

1.  YOU are okay.  You are just a little stronger now.

Having a bad day?  It’s okay.  YOU are okay.  But now you’re a little stronger than you were yesterday.
Put your hand on your heart.  Feel that?  That’s called ‘a purpose.  You’re here today for a reason.  Don’t give up and don’t give in.  And above all, don’t let one or two dark clouds cover the entire sky.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
Keep in mind that we’ve all made mistakes.  We’ve all made absolute fools of ourselves.  We’ve let people take advantage of us, and we’ve accepted way less than we deserve.  And sometimes, we too have given others way less than they deserve.  Sometimes we let our priorities and our boundaries get ravished by the chaos of the day.  But if you think about it, we’ve learned a lot from our bad choices, and even though there are some things we can never recover, and people who will never be sorry, we now know better for next time.  We now have more power to shape our future.

2.  You are far more capable than you think.

You have to remember that you are incredibly capable of handling great challenges.  But when times are good, and everything is comfortably in order, it can be easy to become complacent and forget how skillful and resourceful you are capable of being.  Unanticipated troubles are necessary evils that push you forward; because the troubles will eventually end, but the lessons and growth you gain from them will last a lifetime.
Truth be told, there are two types of pain in life: pain that hurts you, and pain that grows you.  But when you learn from a difficult experience, they are one and the same.  Strength doesn’t come from what you can do.  It comes from overcoming the things you could not do before.  Tough situations build strong, successful people.  So no matter how much it hurts now, you have to hold your head up, grit your teeth, and take another step.  Don’t waste time complaining.  In the end, persistence and determination speak loud enough.  Focus diligently through your struggles.  Work hard in silence, and let your success be your noise.  (Read As a Man Thinketh.)

3.  The struggle is the path, and it leads to better days.

Will the road ahead always be easy?  Not at all.  But will it be worth your while?  Absolutely.  Because the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path, and it leads to better days.  When the day is really dark, it can be hard to see the light, but you have to try.  True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You will only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds – struggles and all.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.

4.  Taking the next step is always worth it.

And that’s why the best thing you can do is to keep going.  Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this simple daily TO-DO list: Think positively.  Eat healthy.  Exercise today.  Worry less.  Work hard.  Laugh often.  Sleep well.  And then rewind and repeat…

The floor is yours…

If you’re having a bad day, or if you’re struggling in any way at all, know that you are not alone.  We are all in this together.  Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives on track.
In fact whenever life gets tough, and things go wrong, Marc and I make it a point to focus on what’s right – the positives.  So today we challenge you to do the same.  Please leave a comment below and let us know…
What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when you’re struggling or having a bad day?
Photo by: Chad Cooper

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9 Things to Stop Doing During Hard Times

post written by: Marc Chernoff

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The most beautiful smiles are often the ones
that once struggled through the tears.

One thing I can say for sure: September 2008 through December 2009 was an extremely hard time for us.  In that seemingly short 15-month timespan, Angel lost her breadwinning job (which drastically affected our livelihood), we lost a mutual close friend to cardiac arrest, and then, just as we were starting to get back on our feet, Angel’s brother passed away unexpectedly as well.
As you can imagine, each of these losses felt horrific.  And when stacked back to back to back, it was sometimes difficult just to get out of bed in the morning – to make even the slightest bit of progress on anything at all.  But as days turned into weeks, months and years, we pressed forward, stronger and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
Now, sitting here several years later, with many other hardships behind us as well, I can honestly say that Angel and I have learned how to cope well with hard times.  It’s never easy, but there are positive and negative ways of dealing with difficult life situations.  And that’s what this post is all about.
Regardless of what you’re struggling with – a major tragedy or a minor personal battle – it’s time to STOP…

1.  Hiding from the truth.

Most people, at the first sign of distress, would rather deny the hard truth than face it.  But the truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.  When you try to ignore it, you will find yourself living a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night.  Don’t do this to yourself.  Face the facts.  You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.
The truth will set you free, but first it may tick you off for a while, and that’s OK.  It’s always better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  Because the truth hurts only once and then gradually fades, but a lie hurts just as bad every single time you remember you’re living it.

2.  Gripping tight to the fantasy of a pain-free life.

Pain is a part of life, and life’s pains have many shapes and sizes.
There’s the cold feet pain of moving on ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking away from the familiar and into the unknown.  There’s the sharp growing pains of trial and error, of failing as you learn the best way forward.  There’s the immense, dizzying pain of life slapping you in the face when everything you thought you knew wasn’t true, or everything you had planned for falls through.
There are the more ambiguous aches and pains of success, when you actually get what you had hoped for, but then realize that it’s not quite what you had envisioned.  And then, from time to time, there are the warm, tingling pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of sweet perfection, a priceless instant of achievement or happiness which you know cannot possibly last, and yet will remain with you forever.
Even though so many folks forget, pain is actually a good thing.  It means you’re breathing, and trying, and interacting with the endless possibilities in this world.  Pain is for the living only; it’s worth fully accepting and dealing with while you still have a chance.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

3.  Revisiting the past over and over in your mind.

Sadly, people all over the world are continuously telling their one dramatic story and how their entire life has turned into getting over this one event from the past.  Now, every day of their lives are more about something that no longer exists, rather than the real life experiences waiting for them in the present.
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.  You become a prisoner when you cling to what no longer exists.  If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.  It may be hard, but you have to let go.  Cling no more!  Realize that the past is like a foreign country – they do things differently there.  And “they” have nothing to do with YOU RIGHT NOW.

4.  Holding on to who you were before the storm.

Hard times are like strong storms that blow against you.  And it’s not just that these storms hold you back from places you might otherwise go.  They also tear away from you all but the essential parts of your ego that cannot be torn, so that afterward you see yourself as you really are, and not merely as you might like to be.
Ultimately, you realize you are here to endure these storms, to sacrifice your time and risk your heart.  You are here to be bruised by life.  And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned.  Tell yourself how amazing it was to live, and then open your eyes and live some more.
Because to never struggle would be to never grow.  You must let go of who you were so you can become who you are.  It is within the depths of the strongest and darkest storms that you discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the right path forward.

5.  “Worrying” or “thinking” a situation into something worse than it is.

What worries you masters you.  Needless worry and negative thinking will never lead to positive change.  However, a positive attitude and a little action can change everything.  So if you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice.
No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.  Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period.  The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today.  Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

6.  Acting like it’s not OK to smile.

Sometimes a little silliness is all you need to get a better perspective of life’s greatest challenges.  Silliness is the carefree, sometimes crazy, and often misunderstood stepsister of happiness.  May you be a friend to both, and smile your way through life’s twists and turns.
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.  You’ll see why.

7.  Giving in and giving up as soon as the going gets tough.

All things are difficult before they are easy, and the roughest roads often lead to the top.  There are simply no easy roads to anywhere worth going.  Which is why you must endure the discomfort.  Do what is right for your future, not what is easy right now.
You’ll learn, as you grow older, that many of life’s supposed rules are made to be broken.  Even when times are tough, be bold enough to live on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it.  Go against the grain, refuse to conform when it doesn’t feel right, take the road less traveled instead of the well-worn path.  Laugh in the face of adversity as best as you can, and leap before you look fear too deeply in the eyes.  Dance as though everyone is watching, without giving a care in the world to what they think of you.  March to the beat of your own drummer.  And stubbornly refuse to give up and give in.

8.  Wanting to have all the answers.

Accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you are going, and train yourself to love and appreciate this sensation of freedom.  Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly.  And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to.  But that’s not what’s important.
What’s important is the opening of your wings.  You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.  (Read A New Earth.)

9.  Obsessing yourself with negative news.

For every prominent newscaster who howls about how bleak and unjust life is, there are thousands of other people behind the scenes working tirelessly to make a positive difference in the world.  For every disheartening crisis that is breathlessly reported, there are thousands of real, meaningful success stories that don’t get the attention they deserve, but that have an enormous positive ripple effect on humanity.
Try not to obsess yourself with negative news, especially when you’re in the midst of hard times.  When you’re faced with negative news, learn from it and use this knowledge to work your way eagerly toward a brighter tomorrow.  Today is a choice.  Today, choose grace over impatience, laughter over worry, and beauty over negativity.  Life does get better and better when you choose to make it so.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What do you try NOT to do when times are hard and stressful?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Jeffery

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18 Chances You Will Not Regret Taking in Life

post written by: Marc Chernoff 

In life you get just about as many chances as you’re willing to take.

Almost two decades ago, when I told my grandmother I was worried about taking a chance and regretting my choice, she hugged me and said, “Trust me, honey, that’s not what you’re going to regret when you’re my age.  If anything, you will likely kick yourself a little for not taking more chances on the infinite number of opportunities you have today.”
And the older I get, the more I realize how right my grandmother was.  Life is about trusting yourself and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, learning from experience, appreciating the memories, and realizing that every step is worth your while…  But you’ve got to be willing to take each step.  You’ve got to give yourself a fair chance.
So here are some chances I would take if I were you – chances I have taken that I know you will not regret:

1. Trusting your intuition on new opportunities. – Life is too short to wait.  Every new day is another chance to change your life.  Every great accomplishment starts with the decision to try.  Trust that little voice inside your head that says, “What if…” and then GO DO IT.  Give yourself a fair chance.  You would be surprised how often “what if” works.  And no, you’re not obligated to win every time.  You’re obligated to keep trying – to do the best you can do every day – to improve upon what you learned yesterday.
2. Believing in your own abilities. – You have everything you need within you to become the best possible version of yourself.  Believe that you CAN.  Believe that you’re capable of pushing harder and farther than you have before.  Believe that you’re young enough, old enough, smart enough and strong enough to achieve your goals.  Don’t let false beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself.  And certainly don’t get sidetracked by other people who are not on track.
3. Making moves in the face of fear. – It’s often difficult to grow into your greatest self, but it’s a tragedy to let the lie of fear stop you.  So realize right now that fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in your head.  Be courageous.  Go after your goals.  Never let your fear steer your present or decide your future.  And remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is far more important than fear.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face.)
4. Taking a step forward today. – You will be dead one day.  Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s true.  The question is: Are you choosing to live right now?  Take a moment and think about.  Life doesn’t start when “this, that, or the other thing” is resolved.  This IS your time.  Life is now.  Do something with it.  Don’t wait it away.
5. Making your goals a priority. – If you want to live a happy, fulfilling life, tie yourself to meaningful goals, not just to people and things.  Never put off or give up on something that’s important to you… not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because you may not have tomorrow at all.  Life is shorter than it sometimes seems.  Make today count.  Take just one small step a day.  Approach the start of every day with one little goal and end the day with one little word.  DONE!
6. Working hard even when it hurts. – Remember, personal growth in all walks of life is a slow, steady process.  It can’t be rushed.  You need to work on it gradually every day.  There is ample time for you to be who you want to be in life.  Don’t settle for less than what you think you deserve, or less than you know you can be.  Despite the struggles you’ll inevitably face along the way, never give up on yourself.  You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as capable as you have ever imagined.  Keep going.
7. Upholding your standards. – What’s dreadful is to pretend that second-rate is first-rate.  To pretend that you don’t need love and respect when you do.  To lie to yourself and say everything is OK, when it isn’t.  Or to convince yourself that you like your work when you know darn well you’re capable of much better.  Bottom line: Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for the wrong reasons.
8. Bouncing back after rejection or failure. – When you are rejected from something good, it often means you’re being redirected to something better.  Be patient.  Be positive.  And remember, no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
9. Owning your situation. – Even when the going gets tough, own it!  If you’re struggling at a job you don’t love, look at it this way: you’re choosing to make a living to pay your mortgage, support your family, and fuel your dreams.  Don’t resist it; own it – that’s where your power is.  If you’re in a relationship that’s causing you pain, you’re choosing to be in it.  Maybe staying will lead to essential growth or a breakthrough or a deeper understanding of love.  Or not.  But you’re choosing to be in or out, right now.  Whichever you choose, own it – that’s where your power is.
10. Smiling anyway. – Don’t let one bad moment ruin your day.  Think of it as a bad minute, not a bad day, and you’ll be OK.  Stress begins when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list.  Happiness begins when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list.  So find something to be thankful for today.  Be sure to appreciate what you’ve got.  Be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot.
11. Being sincerely kind to everyone. – Kindness in words creates confidence and motivation.  Kindness in thinking creates positivity and possibility.  Kindness in giving creates strength and love.  Through kindness you have the ability to make a profound difference in every life you touch, including your own.  When you guide someone who is lost and confused, when you hold someone who is sad and grieving, when you hug someone who has lost all their hope, you too will feel yourself healing and growing stronger.  So do your little bit of good right where you are, because it’s these little bits of good put together that change the world.
12. Helping others create a better life for themselves. – Who you affect is more powerful than who you are at any given moment.  Because nothing is as enduring as a great memory.  In the end, its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, and feelings that last.  Stone cracks.  Wood rots.  Skin dies.  But great thoughts, beautiful experiences, and inspiring legends… they live forever.  If you can change the way people think and feel, the way they see themselves, and the way they interpret the world, it means you can change the way they live their lives, and how they affect others.  That is, by far, the longest lasting thing you can create.
13. Living with integrity and honor. – Integrity is choosing your actions based on moral values rather than personal gain.  It’s about living honorably.  It’s about doing the right thing, no matter what, even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.  At the end of the day, your reputation is what other people know about you.  Your honor is what you know about yourself.
14. Being weird in your own way. – We are all weird.  Life is weird.  And when we find weirdness in the world that makes us want to work hard, we call it passion.  And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love.  And if we zoom the lens way out, so we can see all the weird people of the world doing their thing, we realize being weird isn’t that weird after all.  It’s human nature.
15. Opening yourself to love. – Your greatest task isn’t to find love, but to discover and eliminate all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.  Even when you’re afraid, keep trusting – keep your heart and mind wide open.  Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of love.  As you find the good that exists in others and situations, you discover the love that exists within you.
16. Closing the door on old news. – Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back.  Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let it GO!  You must accept the end of something in order to begin to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere worth your while.  (Read Loving What Is.)
17. Taking time to simply BE where you are. – You will always be missing out on something.  You simply can’t have it all.  Thus, it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening elsewhere.  And that’s OK.  Let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are at this moment.  You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to value the things that are only yours.
18. Putting yourself out there and truly LIVING. – To laugh often and love genuinely.  To respect others and judge less.  To win the affection and sincere smiles of children.  To earn the regard of honest peers and endure the betrayal of fake friends.  To appreciate the beauty surrounding you wherever you are, whenever you are.  To find the good in people and situations.  To give what you can and leave the world a little better than you found it.  To have explored ideas and passions and sung at the top of your lungs in delight.  To know that at least one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is what LIVING is all about.

The floor is yours…

What are some other chances worth taking in life?  What’s one chance you have taken that you know you will never regret?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
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12 Things You Should Start Making Time for Again

post written by: Marc Chernoff

This is a new day.  A new beginning.  And things will change.

Today, I was jogging on the outskirts of downtown Austin when a woman I had just passed began screaming for help.  I turned around to see that her husband had fallen to the ground and appeared unconscious.  I ran over and checked his pulse.  He had one, but he wasn’t breathing.  The woman called 911 on her mobile phone while I performed CPR on her husband.  Somehow, miraculously, I got him breathing again before the ambulance arrived.  And although I have no idea how this couple’s story will end, I’m hopeful based on positive remarks from one of the paramedics who said the husband seemed to be in stable condition.
Now I’m sitting here reflecting on the incident and, even more so, on the words the woman repeated over and over through her tears as I was attending to her husband:  “It’s not his time.  Oh please, it’s not his time.”
And in a backwards way, her words keep echoing in my mind, reminding me that life is fragile and fleeting, and that I need to start allocating my time properly again.  Life has been busy lately, and certain things have fallen by the wayside, but it’s time to revive and resume the rituals that best serve my well-being and my relationships.
I hope you will join me in…

1. Taking better care of yourself. – You are like a building with stained-glass windows.  You always shimmer and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in your true magnificence is revealed only if there is light shining from within you.  It’s your duty, and yours alone, to keep your inner light shining bright.  So learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.  Loving yourself does not mean being selfish and narcissistic, or disregarding others.  Rather, it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart and mind – a guest worthy of extra care and respect.  Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it.  Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.  That’s a great start.
2. Getting lost in playful exploration. – Sometimes we put too much weight into trying to control every tiny aspect of our lives.  Switch gears, relax and ride the path that life takes you sometimes.  Try something new, be a bit daring, and explore your curiosity.  Letting go a little lets you experience the unexpected.  The greatest joys in life are often the unexpected surprises that you never intended to happen.  If you want to get really good at something, let go of the notion of perfection and replace it with the notion of endless playful exploration.  We don’t stop dreaming and exploring because we grow old; we grow old because we stop dreaming and exploring.  (Read The War of Art.)
3. Indulging in your passions and hobbies. – Do fall in love, not always with a person, but with an aim, an ambition, a passion.  If you lost everything but your mind, heart and health, what would be your reason to wake up every morning with a smile?  There’s definitely a fire burning inside you.  It’s your job to find it and keep it lit.  As we grow older, with all of our responsibilities, our passions and hobbies often seem like an indulgence.  They shouldn’t be.  They should be a requirement.  Even if you can only dedicated 20 minutes a day to something you love, DO IT.  No excuses, no regrets.
4. Spreading joy. – BE the change you want to see.  Love fearlessly and without limits.  No act of love or kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion, compassion, humor, generosity, and kindness, and using these tools to improve the lives of those around you.  Smile, and help others smile too.  If you don’t have the power or strength to write someone’s happiness, then try to help them remove their sadness instead.  And don’t let the numbers overwhelm you.  You can’t help everyone.  Focus on assisting one person at a time, and always start with the person closest to you.
5. Initiating long, intimate conversations with loved ones. – Death is a real challenge of life.  It tells us not to waste time.  It tells us to make time right now to tell each other that we love each other.  It tells us to stop texting and tweeting every second and actually open the floodgates to real, long, heartfelt conversations with the people we love.  Relationships flourish when two people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other.  To be fully heard by someone, in raw form, and be adored anyhow, is what true love is.  Making time for these deep connections and conversations is worth it.
6. Listening to others without judgment. – Be selective in your battles.  Let go a bit and just listen and smile.  Most of the time being peaceful and compassionate is far better than being right – especially right off the bat in a new conversation.  So keep in mind that wisdom is not just knowing when to stand up and speak, but when to sit down and listen.  It’s about knowing that your ears will never get you in trouble, and will always give you a chance to learn something new.
7. Interacting with quality people in-person, in the flesh. – In the digital age we live in it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of sustaining our relationships through digital means only.  Although it’s nice that technology is making the world smaller and making remote relationships easier to manage, nothing can replace the intimacy of physical human connectedness.  Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a hug, a handshake, a kind pat on the back, a listening ear in a shared space, or the smallest act of caring for someone close by, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
8. Enjoying peaceful downtime. – You deserve quiet moments away from the daily hustle, in which no problems are confronted, no solutions are explored, and no demands are being made of your time.  Schedule time every day to not be busy.  At least twice a day, withdraw yourself from the sources of stress that refuse to withdraw from you.  Do so for a few minutes and simply be and breathe.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.
9. Reading amazing books. – Books are truly the perfect entertainment: no advertisements, no batteries, hours of delight and education, and no cost with a library card.  What you have to ask yourself is: Why not carry a book around for those inevitable gaps of wasteful waiting time – five minutes here and ten minutes there.  Bring that dead time back to life.  And remember, it is what you read and learn when you don’t have to that determines what you will be capable of when you have no other choice.
10. Cooking real, wholesome food. – Your body is a temple.  You are what you eat.  So do not eat processed food, fast food, and all the filth the big processed food companies try to pass off as “healthy.”  Most foods that you don’t have to prepare manually statically cause sickness, cancer, and disease.  Do they taste good?  Sure.  It’s all well-seasoned, pre-packaged poison.  This is why so many people are sick – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually – because of being hooked to the taste of poison, instead of being hooked on the truth and to real foods that heal and provide you with good health and wellness.  (Read Super Immunity.)
11. Cutting yourself enough slack to make mistakes. – The greatest mistake many of us make is living in constant fear that we will make one.  Life is just too short to berate yourself for making mistakes.  After all, mistakes in life are as certain as sunsets and detours.  So why exert energy avoiding the unavoidable?  The truth is you aren’t really free until you give yourself the freedom to make mistakes.  So liberate yourself!  Cut yourself some slack.  Shift your energy from protecting yourself from failure to squeezing more living out of your life.
12. Celebrating the small victories of each day. – Sure, not every day will be good, but there will always be something good about every day.  Notice these things and celebrate them.  Train your mind to see what’s right.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.  When you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change how you think about it.  And the first step is celebrating what you can – the lessons, the laughs, and love you experienced along the way.

The floor is yours…

Truth be told, the most important decision you will ever make is what you do with the time that is given to you.  Let every day be a part of a dream you can touch.  Let every day contain love you can feel.  Let every day be a great example of a life truly lived.
Leave a comment below and let us know…
What do you need to start making time for again?
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3 Questions that Will Free Your Mind and Turn Your Life Around

post written by: Angel Chernoff

i

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
―Voltaire

It’s not the answers you get from others, but the questions you ask yourself that will help you grow stronger.  In fact, the simple questions you ask yourself on a daily basis will determine the type of person you become in the long run. Keep in mind that the following questions have no right or wrong answers…
Because sometimes asking the right questions IS the answer:

1.  If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

Remember, the way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will.  So treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.  Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything you ARE.  We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
Honestly, the amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself.  If you are used to telling yourself that you’re unattractive, that you are destined to fail, and that you’re not capable of performing in the world without someone holding your hand, then you will accept and feel most comfortable in relationships with people who reinforce these same negative beliefs.
Because that’s what careless words do – they clutter your mind and make you love yourself and life a little less.
So when you’re hanging out by yourself, watch how you talk to yourself.  Watch your thoughts.  Keep in mind that it is only ever our own thoughts that hurt us.  It’s how we choose to think about it all.  You know this is true.  You think 60,000 thoughts a day.  Don’t waste fifty nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine of them on limited, negative thinking.
In fact, review your self-talk right now.  How well have you chosen the words you’ve recently used to talk to yourself?  Have you put them to positive or negative use?  If I eavesdropped on your self-talk a minute ago, would I have heard statements that empower happiness, or statements that refute it?
The bottom line is that your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever, ever have.  So let me ask you this:  When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters?  When was the last time someone told you that you did a great job, or took you someplace special to celebrate one of your small, everyday victories, simply because they know you deserve it?  When was the last time that “someone” was YOU?  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

2.  If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?

Think long and hard.  And when your answer is NO for too many days in a row, you know it’s time for a change.
And this is an interesting conversation, because we are all aware deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to every one of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know.  It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step.  You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to reality and how the world really is.
So LIVE your life TODAY!  Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of it either.  Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take positive action.  Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive.  Be bold.  Be courageous.  Be scared to death, and then take the next step in the direction of your dreams ANYWAY.
You’ve got to take that step.  Because sadly, there are far too many people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize absolutely everything.  Don’t be one of them!  You have to live your own life your own way.  That’s all there is to it.  Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for something that makes us feel alive.  It’s your duty to find it and keep it lit.  You’ve got to stop caring so much about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living for yourself.
Find your love, your talents, your passions, and embrace them.  Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions.  Don’t let others tell you what you want.  Design and experience YOUR life!  The life you create from doing something that moves you is far better than the life you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.  So do something today, and every day, that moves you, even if you can only spare ten minutes here and there.

3.  What are you holding on to that you need to let go of?

It happens to you slowly as you grow.  You discover more about who you are and what you want, and then you realize that there are changes you need to make.  The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits.  The people you’ve known forever no longer see things the way you do.  So you cherish all the great memories, but find yourself in desperate need of moving on.
Some things simply are NOT meant to be.  Everything from your past does not belong in your present.  To hold on to relationships and circumstances that have already moved on without you, is to stay stuck in a place and time that no longer exists.  Moving on doesn’t mean you erase or completely forget the wonderful things from your past, it just means that you find a positive way of surviving without them in your present.
Truth be told, we all have a story.  We have all gone through something that has changed us in a way that we could never go back to who we once were.  In life, this kind of change is inevitable.  Everything around you is impermanent – your body, your possessions, your relationships, and so forth.  You don’t have control over every little thing that happens to you, but you do have control over how you decide to internalize it.
Pay as much attention to the changes that are working positively in your life as you do to those changes that are giving you trouble.  Appreciate how the unexpected is sometimes better than what you expected.  And above all, stop stressing over what’s behind you.  The end of something good is always the beginning of something great.  Say to yourself: “Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me.  Dear Present, I am ready now!”  Because a priceless new beginning always occurs at the point you thought would be the end of everything.
So don’t sweat the small stuff.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  Then let go, and let what’s meant to be, BE. 

The floor is yours…

So today, we challenge you to a little self-inquiry starting with the three questions we discussed in this post.  Please leave a comment below and let us know what your initial reaction was to each question.
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