9 Things Every Inspired Person (That’s YOU) Should Know

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Here’s a list of nine principles I’ve learned the hard way that every inspired person, regardless of their specific aspirations, should know and follow on a daily basis.

1. Life’s biggest limitations are the ones you make in your mind.  Life’s biggest causes of unhappiness are the false beliefs you refuse to let go of.  You are capable of far more than you are presently thinking, imagining, doing or being.  But you will ultimately become what you habitually contemplate; so clear your mind and let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.
2. You must deal with the world the way it is, not the way you wish it was.  Think positive.  Life is good.  Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting pure gold.  Positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best to always happen, but accepting that whatever happens is the best for the moment.  So keep smiling and keep following your heart.  Someday, life will get tired of upsetting you.  Read Happiness Is a Serious Problem.
3. What others do is out of your control.  Realize that you can’t always count on others to respect your feelings, even if you respect theirs.  Being a good person doesn’t guarantee that others will be good people too.  You only have control over yourself – over how you choose to be as an individual.  And as for others, you can only accept them, or walk away.
4. You were not meant to sit at the edge of your comfort zone.  Not trying for fear of falling.  Not loving for fear of losing love.  Not speaking your truth for fear of what others will think.  Not looking at yourself in the mirror for fear of what you might see.  Try, and then try again with all your might.  Your courage will unfold as your resolve takes hold.  And with each effort you make you will earn a little more confidence which you can use to acquire what no one else can give you: Your self-respect, and the life you were meant to live.
5. You are not like anyone else.  Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are.  In a world of comparison and conformity, take a stand.  Make your own statement.  Honor your own truth.  Risk speaking your own thoughts and sharing your own ideas.  Express your fears, tears, doubts, and insecurities – let others experience the real you.  Have the courage to be yourself and realize that you’re perfect just the way you are.  Read The Art of Non-Conformity.
6. True love is one-way traffic.  It’s a pure flow of giving and expecting nothing in return.  Anything else is a contract.  Notice how whenever you allow love to flow you are always clear, calm and strong.  It is only when the thought arises, “What have they given me in return?” that there is confusion and resentment.  Ego transacts, love transforms.  Life is too short for all these meticulous contracts and transactions.  Remain clear, remain bright, and remain strong.  Love without expectation.
7. You cannot live your life at the mercy of chance.  You cannot stumble along with a map marked only with the places you fear, or the places you know you don’t want to revisit.  You cannot remain trapped, endlessly, in a state where you are unable to ask for directions, even though you’re terribly lost, because you don’t know your destination.  You have to stand up, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “It isn’t good enough for me to know only what I DON’T want in life.  I need to decide what I DO want.”
8. Being genuine is more important than being right.  You may say or do all the right things, but if it doesn’t come from the heart, it means nothing.  You may not always know the right things to say or do, but if your intent is genuine, then it means the world.  When you work from a foundation of truth, you are free to make as many choices, free to make as many mistakes, free to take as much time as necessary to get it right.  Read As a Man Thinketh.
9. Your future depends on what you do right now.  Challenge yourself to be who you know you are capable of being.  Challenge yourself to follow through – to live what you preach, to walk your talk.  Don’t worry about how slowly you feel you’re heading toward your goals, or how many roadblocks you find, or how many detours you’re forced to take.  As long as you keep doing your thing, you’re still cruising far ahead of everyone who’s too scared to even try.

Photo by: Giampaolo Macorig

7 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

post written by: Marc Chernoff

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations
and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
―Bruce Lee

The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations.  This is especially true when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others.
Tempering your expectations of other people will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering, in both your life and theirs, and help you refocus on the things that truly matter.
Which means it’s time to…

1.  Stop expecting them to agree with you.

You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to live a life you are excited about.  Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that.  You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours.  In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.
You have to dare to be yourself, and follow you own intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  Don’t get discouraged by their progress or success.  Follow your own
path and stay true to your own purpose.  Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.

2.  Stop expecting them to respect you more than you respect yourself.

True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.  It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it.  Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.
Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.”  It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself.  When you practice self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy.  When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better YOU.

3.  Stop expecting (and needing) them to like you.

You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another.  Don’t ever forget your worth.  Spend time with those who value you.  No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person who criticizes you.  Smile, ignore them, and carry on.
In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself.  And as you’re fighting back, not everyone will like you.  Sometimes people will call you names because you’re “different.”  But that’s perfectly OK.  The things that make you different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you for it.

4.  Stop expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.

Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves.  When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate THEM.
Pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to be.  We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful.  Every human being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it.  The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

5.  Stop expecting them to know what you’re thinking.

People can’t read minds.  They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.  Your boss?  Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet.  That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy?  Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.
In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and effectively.  And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words.  You have to tell people what you’re thinking.  It’s as simple as that.

6.  Stop expecting them to suddenly change.

If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t.  If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows how you feel and what you need them to do.
For the most part though, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try.  Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them.  It’s might sound harsh, but it’s not.  When you try to change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them – when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are – they gradually change in the most beautiful way.  Because what really changes is the way you see them.  (Read A New Earth.)

7.  Stop expecting them to be “OK.”

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle, just like you.  Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own.
Remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark.  We are measured by our ability to overcome adversities and insecurities, not avoid them.  Supporting, sharing and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards.  This happens naturally if we allow it, because we all share very similar dreams, needs and struggles.  Once we accept this, the world then is a place where we can look someone else in the eye and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod and say, “Me too,” and that’s OK.  Because not being “OK” all the time, is perfectly OK.

Afterthoughts

People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to.  Hope for the best, but expect less.  And remember, the magnitude of your happiness will be directly proportional to your thoughts and how you choose to think about things.  Even if a situation or relationship doesn’t work out at all, it’s still worth it if it made you feel something new, and if it taught you something new.

Your turn…

What would you add to this post?  What do you need to stop expecting from others?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
Photo by: Alex Berlin

Knowledge is Boring! Keep Learning! Knowledge is boring?

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Let’s discuss the flipside of knowledge.  Yes, knowledge is power, but it can also create absolute boredom.    We’ve all heard the canned phrase “ignorance is bliss”, haven’t we?  Sure, it can be interpreted as a negative statement, but if you think about it there are certain positive truths in this statement as well.  If you knew everything, would you be motivated to do anything?  Consider the following points:

• Ignorance is the unknown.
• The unknown can be exciting to discover and explore.
• Unguided exploration can stimulate creative awareness.
• Increased creative awareness can raise adrenalin levels, allowing the mind to more accurately focus.
• Persistent focus and concentration toward discovering the truth creates an emotional sense of dedication.
• Dedication accelerates personal productivity.

How exciting would the Super Bowl be if everyone knew the outcome of the game beforehand?  Would the fans still watch it?  Would the players still play?  Probably not, because the excitement of the game rests in the unknown outcome of which team will triumph.  It is the ignorance of not knowing that adds unparalleled excitement to our lives.
This is the reason we must perpetually continue to learn, adapt, and grow.  Ceasing to learn new tricks and discover new things will leave you stranded in a world of familiar boredom.

10 Irrational Thoughts Rational People Often Think

 post written by: Marc Chernof

Irrational thoughts occasionally occur in the minds of all people.  Intelligence does not make someone immune to irrational thought.  These thoughts typically clutter our minds with feelings of resentment and distaste.  Sometimes they are based on internal defense mechanisms we develop to mitigate personal anger in an attempt to avoid facing the truth about ourselves or our immediate circumstances.  If someone imposes stringent expectations related to a stressful issue on themselves or their close companions, irrational thought is likely to set in, and all parties involved will probably experience needless emotional grief.
Passionate perceptions of an event made by someone in distress can seem crazy from a third party perspective.  This craziness is simply the sum of stress and irrational thought.  These thoughts allow the distressed party to remain the victim while avoiding all situational responsibility.  One must learn to break this momentary negative thought process in order to achieve continuous stability in their life and in their relationships.
Here are 10 irrational thoughts that rational people often fall victim to at one point or another:

1. Mistakes are never acceptable.  If I make one, it means that I am incompetent.
2. When somebody disagrees with me, it is a personal attack against me.
3. To be content in life, I must be liked by all people.
4. My true value as an individual depends on what others think of me.
5. If I am not involved in an intimate relationship, I am completely alone.
6. There is no grey area.  Success is black and failure is white.
7. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.
8. If the outcome was not perfect, it was a complete failure.
9. I am in absolute control of my life.  If something bad happens, it is my fault.
10. The past always repeats itself.  If it was true then, it must be true now.

Your life will be more productive if you learn to avoid this type of negative thinking.

9 Thoughts You Need Out of Your Mind

post written by: Marc Chernoff

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking.”
―Albert Einstein

The human mind is wonderful and powerful, but it’s far from perfect.  Too often we are addicted to our thoughts, and we can’t change anything in our lives if we cannot change our thinking.  If you want to move forward with your life, you must change your mind and get these thoughts OUT of it:

1.  “Life sucks and that’s just the way it is.”

The mind can be the harshest battleground.  It can be the place where the greatest conflicts are carried out.  It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never came to be.  But if you allow those thoughts to dwell in your mind and fester, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, of happiness, and of everything that is beautiful in this world.
Tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.  Don’t think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, into hopeless defeat.  If you’re being negative when you’re alone, the warfare is in your mind.  The fight you’ve got to fight is in your mind.  You can’t change what has happened, but you can choose how you’re going to deal with it.

2.  “Those haters are right about me.”

Be wise enough to walk away from the negativity around you; don’t let it infect your thinking.  Don’t let someone else’s negative opinion ruin your reality.  No matter how much negativity is thrown at YOU by others, there is absolutely no need for you to stay put and partake in the decay they choose for their own lives.  YOU decide how your soul grows.
When the people around you give you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive.  There’s always something to be grateful for.  Say it: “I am lucky to be alive! I am happy to be me!  I have so much to be grateful for!  My life isn’t perfect, it’s just pretty darn good!” 

3.  “The way it is now is the way it will always be.”

Don’t confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it’s stormy now, doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.  And remember, you cannot heal a lifetime of pain overnight; be patient with yourself, it takes as long as it takes, but your happiness is well worth the wait.
You write your own destiny through the choices you make.  You become what you repeatedly do.  It is more important to know where you are going and why, than to get there quickly.  Do not mistake activity for achievement.  Every time you are tempted to react to the same old circumstances in the same old way, ask yourself, “Do I want to be a prisoner of the past, or a pioneer of the future?”

4.  “Life is supposed to be easy.”

Nothing worthwhile in life was meant to be easy; learn to take it easy with your expectations in this area.  Don’t expect things to be given to you.  Go out and achieve them!  It’s the only sane way to deal with life’s challenges.  If it’s worth having, it’s worth working for.
Anyone can run away and waste away; it’s super easy to do nothing.  Facing challenges and working through them, that’s what makes you strong.  And even on your weakest days you get a bit stronger.  So today, stop wishing for it and start working for it.  Talk is cheap.  Action is priceless.  (Read Flourish.)

5.  “It’s easier to blame someone else.”

Too many of us only take credit for positive outcomes.  In other words, we take full credit for our successes, but deny responsibility for our failures.  A perfect example of this can be witnessed in school classrooms across the globe.  When students receive a good grade, they often attribute it to their intelligence and their excellent study habits.  But when they get a bad grade, they attribute some of their failure to a bad teacher, an unfair set of test questions, or a subject matter that “isn’t needed in the real world anyway.”
Realize that in order for you to grow emotionally, you must be willing to take full responsibility for all your actions and outcomes – successes and failures alike.  Because if you are too afraid of failure, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful.  Setbacks, failures, obstacles, and hardships are the contractors of life; they build character, strength and knowledge.

6.  “I just can’t stand X, Y and Z!”

Today, let your small annoyances go.  Move through your day consciously.  Make an effort to notice at least one insignificant little frustration that you would normally get frustrated about.  Then do yourself a favor and simply let it go.  Experience, in this little way, the freedom of being in control of the way you feel.  And realize that you can extend this same level of control to every situation you encounter in life.
At any given moment, the way you feel is the way you choose to feel, and the way you react is the way you choose to react.

7.  “They look a certain way, so they must be a certain way.”

Superficial judgments are made the instant one person assumes something about another person based on their immediate appearance.  Sadly, this likely happens thousands of times every minute, all around the world.   For example, someone might see a tall, well groomed man in his early fifties wearing a business suit, and instantly assume he is successful and reliable, even though there is zero concrete evidence to support this assumption.
Bottom line:  Don’t judge a person by what they show you in a single glance.  What you’ve seen is oftentimes only what they have chosen to show you at that particular moment.  Too often we jump to conclusions.  Talk with people, listen to their stories, watch what they do – this is how you get to know who they truly are.

8.  “Giving up and starting over is a sign of failure.”

Don’t try to diminish your losses from a past failure by continuing to follow the exact same path that led to the failure in the first place.  In other words, don’t do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.  If it didn’t work last time, and you haven’t made any significant changes, it probably won’t work this time either.
Sometimes we justify our decision to continue investing in a failed endeavor based solely on our cumulative prior investment, despite new evidence suggesting that the cost, starting today, of continuing to pursue it outweighs the expected benefit.  The logical thing to do would be for us to cut our losses and change our course of action.  However, due to the sunk costs we have already invested, we feel committed to the endeavor, so we invest even more time, money and energy into it, hoping that our additional investment will reverse the outcome.  But most of the time it never will.
When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over, and that’s perfectly OK.  There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

9.  “It’s too late.  I missed my chance.”

Be done with regrets; they are an excuse for people who have given up.  You are still here trying and growing.  Life is about learning from the past, trusting your intuition going forward, taking chances, finding moments of happiness, and realizing everything is simply a lesson that happens for a reason.
Don’t stress over what could’ve been; chances are if it should’ve been, it would’ve been.  Focus on the present; you have a lot to look forward to in it.  Just do your best.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  And YOUR best chance is happening right NOW.

Afterthoughts and next steps…

The Dalai Lama once said, “A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting.  If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behaviors.”
Today, make it a point to defragment your consciousness and center your spirit on positive, productive thoughts.  Whatever you do, don’t get stuck on the one thing that ruins your day.  Smile and be grateful.  Life is too short to waste on negativity and destructive thinking.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What negative thoughts and destructive thinking traps do you struggle with?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with the community.
Photo by: Martina Photography

10 Things I Love About YOU

post written by: Angel Chernoff

i

Where there is love there is life.
―Gandhi

YOU are amazing!  You may forget sometimes, but someone always sees the amazing things about you that make you so loveable.
So let me remind you of how truly amazing you are, just because you’re YOU:

1.  Your smile.

I don’t care if your teeth aren’t perfectly straight and bright white.  When you smile, it lights up your eyes with a twinkle of honest delight that gives me a glimpse into the beauty of your soul.  It’s as though you really see me and you’re offering me a little parcel of your heart.
So please remember, you can never change the past nor control the future, but you can change the mood of this moment by touching someone’s heart with your smile, in the same way you have already touched mine.

2.  Your self-respect.

I love the way you accept who you are completely, the good and the bad, and make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for YOU.
The way you don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self-worth moves me at my core.  You have taught me that our first and last love is self-love, and that if you can’t love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to either.

3.  Your courage.

You say you’re afraid sometimes, and that the world seems too vast.  You say it can be a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning, to put on your smile and face reality, yet every day you somehow find the strength to carry-on and face life with courage and poise.
Your courage is my encouragement!
I love the way you prove day in and day out that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the decision that other things are more important than fear.  You take little, conscious steps every day to love those around you, to care for yourself, and to find joy in the smallest moments – all these little steps add up to greatness.

4.  Your passion.

While I see others waiting around for love, you inspire me with the way you happily pursue your lusts.  The way you express yourself and what you hold dear in your heart through your actions and words, and the way you use your whole mind and body to feel and interact with the world around you is truly something to be seen.
You have taught me that it’s not always about loving the struggles in front of you, but loving the ideas, dreams, passions and people behind you and within you.  It gives me great joy to see you ignited with an inner passion for living and pursuing the ideas that move you.

5.  Your creativity.

When you speak, write or create, you act like it’s your job to make mind-blowing, passionate love to whatever idea it is that drives the project you’re working on at the time.
What astounds me is the way you manage to communicate how you feel and who you are in so many wondrous ways, sometimes even without speaking a word.  The way you look at a situation where others are asking, “Why?” and instead ask,  “Why not?”  The way you continually jump from great heights and develop your wings on your way…
All I can say is: “Wow!”

6.  Your positivity.

The way you dwell on the beauty of life…
The way you laugh, even when there’s no pressing reason to do so…
You always turn a negative situation into a positive opportunity.  When you hear negative thoughts, you think about the positive side of things.  When you see a glass with water in it, you aren’t concerned whether it’s half empty or half full; you’re just grateful to have a glass with something in it.
Thank you.  You have made a difference in my life by being so positive.

7.  Your kindness and compassion.

No matter how strong a person is, they have weak points and sometimes all they really need is a listening ear from a compassionate friend.  Thank you for being that friend.
Even when you’ve been busy working hard and dealing with your own issues, somehow when I least expect it, you reach out to help another person who is in need.  You consider their circumstances with love rather than judgment.  You move into the “right here, right now” with an open heart and a willingness to be supportive, unconditionally.

8.  Your unconditional acceptance.

You take people and their situations for what they are, you appreciate them, and you don’t try to label them or change them.
I realize now that that your unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean you’re giving up your freewill to have an opinion – that’s quitting.  It simply means you’re willing to let go of the fantasies of who you think people should be and how you think things are supposed to be, so you can fall in love with who they truly are and how life really is.

9.  Your sense of humor.

You are always able to see the funny side of life through its ups and downs.  You manage to make light of situations that could easily drive a person crazy.  Negative things happen in your life, but somehow you shake them off and still mange to see the humor in it all.  Your laughter and sense of humor is infectious and lifts the mood of those around you, so the rest of us don’t take ourselves so seriously all the time.
Thank you for helping me see the beauty and comedy in the absurdity of life.

10.  Your love and loyalty.

Even though you have felt pain and heartbreak, and although you sometimes try your hardest to hide it, you just can’t stop loving.  It’s who you are on the inside.  Even though you sometimes require alone time for rest and healing, you always return to wanting to share love in your life.
You have helped me understand that relationships are about two people being true to each other even when times are tough, and that when it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.  Prolonged love and loyalty mean the world… and yes… your love and loyalty mean the world to me.

Your turn…

What do you love most about yourself?  What qualities do you love most about your closest friends and family?  Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below.
Photo by: Adriana Cecchi

10 Ways to Make the Rest of Today Amazing

post written by: Angel Chernoff

The beginning is always now.

No matter what the history of your day has entailed thus far, the rest of your day depends on what you do right now.  Write it on your heart that the rest of today is going to be amazing.  Here are some ideas to help you make it so:

1.  Loosen your grip.

Trying to micromanage every little thing every moment is stressful.  Life should be touched, not strangled.    Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement.
Starting now, let go before you squeeze too tight.  Take a deep breath.  When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward.  You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going every single second to be headed somewhere great.  Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not.  It just takes some time to connect all the dots.

2.  Focus forward.

You can’t go back to how things were, or how you thought they were supposed to be.  All you really have is now.  The smartest thing you can control in life is your reaction to what’s beyond your control.  Dwelling on negativity from the past simply contributes to its power.  So stop focusing on what happened and start focusing on what’s going to move you forward.
Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether you’re happy and successful or not depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  The best thing you can do now is to let go of what you can’t control, and invest your energy in the things you can.

3.  Check one lingering task off your to-do list.

Putting something off instantly makes it harder and scarier.  What you don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow; and there’s nothing more stressful than the perpetual lingering of an unfinished task.
You know that thing you’ve been meaning to do, but you keep putting it off and it keeps nagging at you from the back of your mind.  Stop the nagging by taking action now!  (Read Getting Things Done.)

4.  Spend an hour working on something that moves you.

When you strike that fine balance between the challenge of an activity and your skill at performing it, when the rhythm of your work feels in sync with your purpose, when you know that what you’re doing makes a difference, you become absorbed in the task at hand to the point where time ceases to exist.  This is what true passion and happiness feels like.
So is there anything you do on a regular basis that makes you forget what time it is?
On your average day, flow experiences like these are those flashes of intense living when you’re engrossed in a meaningful task that makes you feel more alive.  These optimal experiences can happen when you’re engaged in work, paid or unpaid, that move you.  Work like this is something you should be pursuing for at least an hour on a daily basis.

5.  Try something totally new.

Step out of your comfort zone and try something totally new.  What have you wondered about doing, but haven’t had the courage or time to try?  Aim for something small that you can accomplish in an hour or less.  It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger.
Variety truly is the spice of life.  You can see or do something a million times, but you can only see or do it for the first time once.  As a result, first time experiences often lift our sprits and our consciousness.
So what’s new to YOU?

6.  Help someone smile.

There is no exercise better for the improvement of our world than reaching down on a daily basis to lift someone up.  Don’t wait for people to smile.  Show them how.  Do something nice for someone who has no way of paying you back.  Do it because you can, and because it makes the world a happier place.
When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience.  And your small gesture just might touch a wound that only kindness can heal.  (Read The Happiness Project.)

7.  Spend time with a friend who improves you.

You can go through life and make new friends every year – every month practically – but there is no substitute for the few who truly improve you.  These aren’t the people who are simply nice to you; they’re the ones who help you uncover the things that are holding you back.  In subtle ways, they bring ideas to your attention that change your life.  These friends don’t just sit beside you unknowingly; they shake your world up, reveal your obstacles and weaknesses, and remain a part of your life because they care.
Friends like this are the most important people you will ever meet because they tear down the invisible walls you have built in your mind.  In other words, they come into your life and reveal new, valuable layers of yourself that you would never have discovered without them.
Spend some time chatting with one of these people today.

8.  Muse on life’s goodness.

You deserve some time every day in which worries don’t get in the way of your happiness.  Moments when, even if some people are insensitive or unkind around you, you’re not going to mind because you realize that the blessings you have received are far greater than the burdens you are dealing with.  You can create time like this for yourself today.  There is power in positivity.
Think about the goodness.  Be grateful for all the blessings you already have.  We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.  What if you gave someone a gift and they neglected to thank you for it?  Would you be likely to give them another one?  The daily events in your life respond the same way.  In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must be grateful for what you already have.

9.  Give yourself some “me time.”

Yes, you have battles out in the world to fight, insecurities to overcome, loved ones to contend with, and goals to achieve, but a break from it all is necessary.  It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while.
Go ahead and set aside some “me time” to be alone with your own thoughts today.  Enjoy the space between the commotions.  Say nothing, think quietly, just be and breathe.  Give yourself an opportunity to discover who you really are, and to figure out why you truly are always alone… and why that’s perfectly OK.

10.  Be right here, right now.

I purposely left this point for last because it perfectly encompasses all the previous points.  Be present.  It’s being here now that’s important.  Don’t let your life slip by.  Pay attention to what’s happening in and around you; don’t just hurry through to the next thing.
You can’t stop the future.  You can’t rewind the past.  The only way to live is to press play.  So instead of dwelling on what happened earlier today, or worrying about what might happen later on, just practice being and living in this moment.  This moment, after all, is the only time guaranteed to you.  Right now is all there ever truly is.  Right now is life.  Open your eyes so you don’t miss it.

Afterthoughts

You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.  The rest of today is a brand new day – a fresh start.  Replace negativity with positivity.  Think happy thoughts.  Exercise your mind and body.  Healthy is happy.  Inspire yourself.  Create.  Laugh.  Run.  Play.  Love.  Learn.  Give someone a compliment.  Perform a random act of kindness.  Take a chance on an idea you believe in.
You have the opportunity to do these things every single day – to make the necessary changes and slowly become the person you want to be.  You just have to decide to do it.  Decide that today is the day.  Say it: “This is going to be my day, starting now!”

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one way to make the rest of today amazing?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Paul Bica

8 Things You Should NOT Do to Get Ahead

post written by: Marc Chernoff

“Not all those who wander are lost.”
―J.R.R. Tolkien

Sometimes we find ourselves running in place, struggling to get ahead simply because we confuse effort with achievement.  If you’ve been feeling like you missed a door somewhere and have thus been heading in the wrong direction, it’s likely that you got caught up in this sort of confusion.
The good news is, no matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you always have the choice to turn around.  So make that choice today.  Promise yourself that you will NOT…

1.  Follow a specific life path simply to satisfy others.

Sometimes we try to satisfy our parents, teachers, spouses and peers by walking a particular path in spite of the fact that our own inner GPS advises otherwise.  Then, not surprisingly, we wake up one day and we feel completely lost.  If you’re feeling a little lost now, its time to change course.
Life is too short to spend all your time trying to make everyone else happy.  Besides, it’s impossible to please everyone all the time anyway.  At some point, you’ve got to stop caring about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living for yourself.
Make choices that take your mind, body, and soul into consideration.  You are the only person who knows what’s best for you.  It’s impossible for anyone else to know.  No matter how much you share with them, they are not connected to your deepest desires, intuition, hopes and dreams.  Always, ALWAYS listen to yourself and what you want first.

2.  Sacrifice all your present happiness for future security.

Do not fool yourself into believing that you must live the same day over and over again for the rest of your life, simply because it’s the responsible thing to do.
So many people live daily with unhappy circumstances, and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation.  They somehow believe that conforming to their current circumstances will eventually lead to a life of comfort, security, and peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to their spirit.
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design into the present.  The very basic core of the human spirit is a natural passion for exploration and growth.  This growth originates directly from our encounters with new ideas and experiences that intrigue us; and hence there is no greater destination in life than to have an endlessly changing horizon – for each day to have a new and different sun.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

3.  Focus intensely on not making mistakes.

Don’t commit to making less mistakes; commit to making more of them.  Fail forward.  Mistakes in life are as certain as sunsets and detours.  So why exert energy avoiding the unavoidable?  Embrace it.  The truth is, you aren’t really free until you give yourself the freedom to make mistakes.  So liberate yourself!  Shift your energy from protecting yourself from failure to squeezing more living out of your life.
Get real comfortable with that uneasy feeling of going against the grain and trying something new.  Doing so will always take you to places you never thought you could go.  Try new things, learn and explore freely.  Your good judgment comes from life experience, and life experience comes from your past bad judgments.  You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes.  Disappointment and defeat are the tools life uses to show you the way.

4.  Spend your entire present trying to fix a broken past.

The past isn’t broken.  It can’t possibly be.  It no longer exists.  There is nothing to fix.  There is, however, a present moment that can be lived with presence and power.
Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want; not because you don’t deserve it, but because you deserve better.  No matter how many times you break down, there should always be a little voice inside you that says, “NO, you’re not done yet!  Get back up!”  That’s the voice of presence and power, which can only speak for you in the present moment.  What you need to realize is, life is a journey, often difficult and sometimes incredibly cruel; but you are well equipped for it as long as you tap into your inner strength in the present, and allow it to flourish forward.  (Read The Power of Now.)

5.  Resist life’s realities that don’t align with your expectations.

Stop stressing over what could have been.  The chances are if it should have been, it would have been.  Life unfolds in unpredictable ways for a reason.  What happens isn’t good or bad.  It simply is.
Happiness is about trusting that what has happened has long-term positive, rather than negative, connotations.  Trust that life is happening for you, not to you.  This “inverse paranoia” of believing everything is for the greater good helps the human spirit face and welcome life’s turbulent changes cheerfully.
The bottom line is that we’re wired to expect the world to be brighter and more meaningful and more obviously interesting than it often is.  If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself, others and the world around you, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.

6.  Attempt to find the easy shortcut to your goals and dreams.

There is no easy shortcut to anywhere worth going.  You must be willing to make sacrifices.  It’s a process!  It’s a process!  It’s a process!  Ingrain this in your mind.  Achievement takes time.  Success, like washboard abs, is the outcome of a habit.  It’s the relentless daily practice of making small, diligent choices that add up in the long run.  It’s about following through and doing what you said you would do even when no one would notice but you, and knowing in your heart why doing so matters.
In a nutshell, when it comes to working hard to achieve a big life goal of any kind – earning a degree, building a business, or some other personal achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is:  “Am I willing to live a few years of my life like many people won’t, so I can spend the rest of my life like many people can’t?”

7.  Win the approval and admiration of the wrong people.

You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected.  The rest is up to them.  No matter how much you care some people just won’t care back.  It’s not the end of the world.  At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
Likewise, don’t waste too much of your time with people who are not supportive of your goals and abilities.  Surround yourself with those who believe in your potential.  Anyone who inspires you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through passion and love, is a precious friend and teacher.  These people are out there.  Find them and conquer the world together.  (I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

8.  Keep waiting for the right time.

You cannot wait for the perfect time; it will never come.  If you think now feels like the wrong time, think again.  It’s just uncertainty messing with your mind.  Most of the time you must simply dare to jump.
Today is the first day of a new beginning – the conception of a new life.  The next nine months are all yours.  You can do with them as you please.  Make them count.  Because a new person is born in nine months.  The only question is: Who do you want that person to be?
Right now is the right time to decide.

Afterthoughts

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never get it.  If you don’t ask yourself the right questions, you’ll always get the wrong answers.  If you don’t take a step forward, you’re always going to be in the same place.  Life is a journey full of choices.  I hope this short article got you thinking differently about the choices you make every day.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something you should NOT do to get ahead?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Thomas Hawk

11 Ways to Become the Person You Love

post written by: Marc Chernoff

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You are powerful when you believe in yourself – when you know that you are capable of anything you put your mind to.  You are beautiful when your strength and determination shines as you follow your own path – when you aren’t disheveled by the obstacles along the way.  You are unstoppable when you let your mistakes educate you, as your confidence builds from experiences – when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward.
Here are 11 ways to become the person you love.

1. Stop judging, and appreciate the beauty within you. – Judging yourself is not the same as being honest with yourself.  When it comes to living as a compassionate, non-judgmental human being, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime comfortably in your own.  In every smile there is beauty.  In every heart there is love.  In every mind there is wisdom.  In every human being there is a soul, there is life, there is worth, and there is the ability to see all these things in everyone, including one’s self.  Read The Mastery of Love.
2. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. – Accept yourself!  Insecurity is what’s ugly, not you.  Be you, just the way you are, in the beautiful way only you know how.  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will either.  And when you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but you won’t care about it one bit.
3. Care less about who you are to others. – Don’t lose YOU in your search for acceptance by others.  Be aware that you will always appear to be a little less than some people prefer you to be, but that most people are unaware that you are so much more then what they see.  You are good enough just the way you are.  You have nothing to prove to anyone else.  Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.
4. Know your worth. – We often accept the love we think we deserve.  It makes no sense to be second in someone’s life, when you know you’re good enough to be first in someone else’s.
5. Don’t rush intimate relationships. – Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.  You don’t need a perfect one, you just need someone who you can trust – who shows you that you’re the only one.  If you haven’t found true love yet, don’t settle.  There is someone out there who will love you unconditionally, even if it’s not the person you were initially hoping for.
6. Let go of those who aren’t really there. – There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life no matter how much you want them to.  And the only ones truly worthy of your love are the ones who stand with you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard times pass.  Maybe a happy ending doesn’t include anyone else right now.  Maybe it’s just you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself for something better in the future.  Maybe the happy ending is simply letting go.
7. Forgive yourself and others. – Of all the things that can be stolen from you – your possessions, your youth, your health, your words, your rights – what no one can ever take from you is your freedom to choose what you will believe in, and who and what your heart will love going forward.  Life begins where your fear and resentment ends.  Just because someone hurt you yesterday, doesn’t mean you should hate the world, or start living life today in constant fear of being hurt tomorrow.  When you forgive yourself and others, and stop the inner imprisonment, you’re creating the love of your life.  Read The Tao of Pooh.
8. Focus on the positive. – Do not let the pain make you hopeless.  Do not let the negativity wear off on you.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Even though others may disagree with you, take pride in the fact that you still know the world is a beautiful place.  Change your thoughts and you change your reality.  Our thoughts are the makers of our moods, the inventors of our dreams, and the creators of our will.  That is why we must sort through them carefully, and choose to respond only to those that will help us build the life we want, and the outlook we want to hold as we’re living it.
9. Believe in the person you are capable of being. – The real purpose of your life is to evolve and grow into the whole person you are capable of being.  Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.  Change really is always possible – there is no ability that can’t be developed with experience.  Don’t ever let your negative beliefs stand in the way of your own improvement.  Read A New Earth.
10. Work on goals you believe in. – Never put off or give up on a goal that’s important to you.  Not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because you may not have tomorrow at all.  Life is shorter than it sometimes seems.  Follow your heart today.
11. Keep looking and moving straight forward. – Moving on doesn’t mean you have forgotten; it means you have accepted what happened in the past and choose to continue living in the present.  Moving on doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re giving yourself another chance by making a choice to be happy rather than hurt.  Through all the problems you have faced, the burdens weighing down on your shoulders, the pain in your heart, you have only one thing to say, “I survived and I now know better for next time.”

In the end, loving yourself is about enjoying your life, trusting your own feelings, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning from the past.  Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting.  Have faith that things will work out, maybe not exactly how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be.
Photo by: Juliana Coutinho

7 Things Fear has Stolen from You

post written by: Marc Chernoff

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Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid;
courage means you don’t let fear stop you.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.  Don’t ever hesitate to give yourself a chance to be everything you are capable of being.
Although fear can feel overwhelming, and defeats more people than any other force in the world, it’s not as powerful as it seems.  Fear is only as deep as your mind allows.  You are still in control.  The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly address it.  You must step right up and confront it face to face.  This tactic robs fear of its power, instead of fear robbing YOU of…

1.  Your true path and purpose.

Fear of being different…

Don’t be fooled by what others say, especially when they try to tell you what is right for you.  Listen and then draw your own conclusions.  What is your intuition telling you?
There is not a clear path that everyone should follow.  Your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding in life at all the wrong things.  Choose a path that fits YOU.  Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.  Challenge yourself to ask with each and every step, and each focus point that consumes your energy: “Does this thing I’m doing right now truly serve me and those I care about in the next few minutes, few months, and few years?”
Whatever you settle on, just make sure you don’t gain the whole world by losing your soul and purpose in the process.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

2.  Self-respect.

Fear of not being good enough…

Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  That is all I can ever expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes, because your mistakes mean you’re trying.
If you feel like others are not treating you with love and respect, check your price tag.  Perhaps you subconsciously marked yourself down.  Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you are willing to accept for your time and attention.  So get off the clearance rack.  If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.

3.  Your ability to make concrete decisions.

Fear of commitment…

You cannot live your life at the mercy of chance.  You cannot stumble along with a map marked only with the places you fear, or the places you know you don’t want to revisit.  You cannot remain trapped, endlessly, in a state where you are unable to ask for directions, even though you’re terribly lost, because you don’t know your destination.
You have to commit to goals that speak to you.  You have to stand up, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “It isn’t good enough for me to know only what I DON’T want in life.  I need to decide what I DO want.”  

4.  Priceless opportunities and life experiences.

Fear of change and discomfort…

As Thich Nhat Hanh so perfectly said, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.  Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
In many cases you stay stuck in your old routines for no other reason than that they are familiar to you.  In other words, you’re afraid of change and the unknown.  You continually put your dreams and goals off until tomorrow, and you pass on great opportunities simply because they have the potential to lead you out of your comfort zone.
You start using excuses to justify your lack of backbone:  “Someday when I have more money,” or “when I’m older,” or the over-abused “I’ll get to it as soon as I have more time.”  This is a vicious cycle that leads to a deeply unsatisfying life – a way of thinking that eventually sends you to your grave with immense regret.  Regret that you didn’t follow your heart.  Regret that you always put everyone else’s needs before your own.  Regret that you didn’t do what you could have done when you had the chance.

5.  General happiness and peace of mind.

Fear of facing inner truths…

If you keep looking for happiness outside yourself, you will never find it.  Happiness is found from within.  What you seek is not somewhere else at some other time; what you seek is here and now, within you.  The more you look for it outside yourself, the more it hides from you.
Relax, remember the source of your deepest desires, and allow yourself to know their fulfillment.  A choice, not circumstances, determines happiness.  Each morning when you open your eyes, say to yourself:  “I, not external people or events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  It’s up to me.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t come yet.  I only have today and I’m going to be happy in it.”  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

6.  Your willingness to love, truly and purely.

Fear of not being loved in return…

Although it is nice when gestures of love are returned, true love is one-way traffic.  It’s a pure flow of giving and expecting nothing in return.  Anything else is a contract.  Notice how whenever you allow love to flow you are always clear, calm and strong.  It is only when the thought arises, “What have they given me in return?” that there is confusion and resentment.  Ego transacts, love transforms.  Life is too short for all these meticulous contracts and transactions.
Look out for yourself by focusing your love in a direction that feels right to you, but once you decide to love, remain clear, remain bright, and remain strong.  Love without expectation.  Don’t let fear get in your way.  When the love you give is true, the people worthy of your love will gradually reveal themselves over time.

7.  The right company.

Fear of being alone…

Sadly, no matter how much love you give, some relationships simply aren’t meant to be.  You can try your hardest, you can do everything and say everything, but sometimes people just aren’t worth stressing over anymore, and they aren’t worth worrying about.  It’s important to know when to distance yourself from someone who only hurts you and brings you down.  When you give your love to someone, truly and purely without expectation, and it’s never good enough for them, there’s a good chance you’re giving your love to the wrong person.
The bottom line is that long-term relationships should help you, not hurt you.  Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and like-minded.  And remember, good relationships are a sacred bond – a circle of trust.  Both parties must be 100% on board.  If and when the time comes to let a relationship go, don’t be hostile.  Simply thank the relationships that don’t work out for you, because they just made room for the ones that will.

Next steps…

Your biggest fears are completely dependent on you for their survival.  Every new day is another chance to change your life, and it’s way too short to let fear interfere.  Today, focus your conscious mind on things you desire, not things you fear.  Doing so can bring your dreams to life.

Your turn…

What has fear stolen from you?  What has it stopped you from doing, being, or achieving?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
Photo by: Stuart Anthony