16 Simple Ways to Love Yourself Again

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

“Today I lost the respect of a few people I love, and the desire to kill myself, when I finally took your advice and told everyone the truth about who I really am and what I’ve decided to do with my life.  In a nutshell, I've chosen to love and honor myself, instead of convincing others to do it for me every day.”

Those are lines right out of a live chat session I had this morning with a longtime reader and recent course member of ours.  Although this person asked to remain anonymous, they gave me permission to share this with you, and I’m so glad they did.

Because the greatest struggle in life is the struggle to accept, embrace and love ourselves, with all of our imperfections.  To be 100% honest about who we are, how we feel and what we need.  To stop discrediting ourselves for everything we aren’t, and start giving ourselves credit for everything we are.  And to be aware that not everyone we love will agree with us every step of the way, and to be OK with it.

We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.  We love the idea of others loving us, and we forget to love ourselves.

What we must realize is that our greatest task is not about discovering self-love; it’s about breaking down the walls we have built against it.  When we have the courage to push through these walls – to know and embrace ourselves, despite our humanness, our flaws, and our rejections – we also open the door to connecting in more caring, empathic and intimate ways with others who are truly worth loving.

Which is why it’s time to…

Start telling yourself what you love about yourself. – In your own life it’s important to know how spectacular you are.  You really have to look in the mirror and be kind.  Because what we see in the mirror is often what we see in the world.  Our disappointment in others often reflects our disappointment in ourselves.  Our acceptance of others often reflects our acceptance of ourselves.  Our ability to see potential in others often reflects our ability to see potential in ourselves.  Our patience with others often reflects our patience with ourselves.  You get the idea – you’ve got to show yourself some love first and foremost.

1. Be one with what is. – Something that’s really difficult, but totally worth it, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the journey of becoming your true self.  The most beautiful part of this journey is simply returning to the peaceful feeling of being.  This peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.
2. Focus less on winning the approval of others. – Remind yourself that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.  And you don’t have to get permission to do it differently either.  Your time on this planet is precious.  As the saying goes, “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.”  Don’t wait around for someone else to give you permission to live.
3. Distance yourself from those who bring you down. – Being in no relationship is better than being in a wrong one.  Don’t worry too much about folks who don’t worry about you.  Know your worth!  When you give yourself to those who disrespect you, you lose.  Your friends in life should motivate, inspire and respect you.  Your circle should be well rounded and supportive.  Keep it tight.  Quality over quantity, always.
4. Forgive your past self. – When you confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with the light of your forgiveness, your willingness to wrestle with your demons in this way will cause your angels to sing.  It’s just a matter of accepting that sometimes good people like you make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean you’re bad; it means you’re human.  Get bored with your past; it’s over.  Forgive yourself for what you think you did or didn’t do, and focus on what you will do starting now.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
5. Start making the changes you know you need to make. – Just because something made you happy in the past doesn’t mean you have to keep it forever.  If you want to see changes in your life today, you’ll have to do things that you’ve never done before.  Different input = different output.  Move away from the things that drain you and move toward the thoughts and activities that empower and fulfill you.
6. Embrace the mistakes you haven’t even made yet. – To be successful in the long run, you must fail sometimes.  So don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision prevent you from making any decision at all.
7. Show gratitude for who you are and what you have right now. – No, you won’t always get what you want.  And no, you won’t always be exactly where you want to be.  But remember this: There are lots of people who will never have what you have right now.  So use pain, frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you.  You are in control of the way you look at life. 
8. Do something every day that makes you happy. – There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion.  Life is too short.  Invest in the activities you deeply care about.  A good life is about making a good decision every day to do something that moves you – caring for yourself by doing things you care about.  It’s a matter of realizing that there’s nothing selfish about self-care.  Because we can’t give what we don’t have.  You have to experience life on your terms before you can be life-giving to others.
9. Give yourself a fair chance to explore new ideas and opportunities. – Don’t let not knowing how it’ll end keep you from beginning.  When we act, uncertainty chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits.
10. Listen to your intuition and be honest with yourself about everything. – We cannot speak with integrity about a lifestyle we are not living.  We don’t need more dazzling storytellers; we need more genuine ones.  Listen to that inner voice.  Confidence comes from knowing that what you’re doing is right, and that what you’re doing is right for YOU.
11. Believe in your abilities. – All things are possible!  The key is to identify what you want, claim it as part of who you are, and believe that you are worthy to have it.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)
12. Focus on writing your story, instead of reading, watching and hearing about everyone else’s. – And when you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, remember that people often only show their highlight reel – especially online – not their reality.
13. Pay close attention to your life as you’re living it. – One of the greatest presents you can give yourself (and your loved ones), is to be present, every chance you get.  Your life is not between the moments of your birth and death; your life is between now and your next breath.  Distractions are in the palms of our hands these days, but we need to remember to look up more often.  So much is lost when we don’t.
14. Loosen up and be a little less serious about it all. – All self-misery has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in taking life too seriously.  If you take everything too seriously, especially yourself, you’ll wind up fearing every new step you take.  Loosen up and laugh it off when you can – especially when things don’t go as planned.  People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.  You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself and your circumstances.
15. Go out of your way to be loving and kind to others too. – Almost everything comes full circle.  People who love themselves come across as very caring, generous and kind to others too; they express their self-confidence through humility, forgiveness and inclusiveness.  So seek to understand others before you attempt to judge.  And be thankful for rude, difficult people too – they serve as great reminders of how not to be.

Closing Thoughts

The bottom line is:  People will come and go.  Events will come and go.  Day and night will come and go.  But a true love for yourself will always remain with you, if you nurture it.

So put these things on your TO-DO list today, and tie them to the points above:

• Spend time doing things that help you love yourself more.
• Spend time thinking about things that help you love yourself more.
• Spend time with people who help you love yourself more.

Repeat tomorrow.

Your turn…

Which of these points do you struggle with?  How will you love yourself more today?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.

Photo by: Kristi

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5 Ways to Find Beauty in Painful Life Changes

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.

The reason for our suffering, in all walks of life, is our resistance to life’s inevitable changes.

And life is all changes.  To have lived is to have changed often.

Sometimes this is hard to accept…

What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow.  You never know.  Things change, often spontaneously.  People and circumstances come and go.  Life doesn’t stop for anybody.  It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day.  It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives.  A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth.  Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event.  And these events are always happening.

However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  That’s the one thing you can count on.

And while I resist change, and suffer sometimes just like everyone else, I have learned to adapt.  I have learned to be flexible and look for the beauty in life’s changes, even when they aren’t what I want.  But before we get into how to do that, let’s take a look at…

Common Life changes All of Us Tend to Resist

1. Someone you respect snaps and yells at you – The change is rooted in the fact that we expect certain people to behave a certain way.  Specifically, we expect them to always treat us kindly, fairly and respectfully, but the reality is that they don’t.  They lose their tempers sometimes.  And when they do, we resist this reality, and want things to be the way we want them to be.  It forces us to change our perceptions and expectations.  And so we get confused, agitated, or even offended.
2. Your 10-month-old (or 10-year-old or 20-year-old) refuses to listen to you – Again, we expect our children to behave a certain way, but of course reality is different, especially as they are growing and maturing.  And when the present reality of their behaviors doesn’t conform to our expectations, we get worried and stressed out.
3. You get laid off or fired by your employer – Sometimes, in the haste of our busy lives, we tend to confuse what we do for a living with who we are.  So when you lose your job, things get really complicated because this change affects not only your livelihood but your identity as well.  If you are a personal fitness trainer, and you lose your job, and you’re struggling to find a new one, who are you in the interim?  You now have to deal with the changes in how you identify yourself.  This can be extremely challenging, and resisting these changes (and the financial challenges that come with the job loss) can be quite painful.
4. You suddenly realize you have too much on your plate – In other words, you’ve gradually committed yourself to way too many obligations and you’re finally at the point where you feel overwhelmed by the fact that you have more things you’re ‘supposed to’ be doing and not enough time to do them.  You realize something has changed, and something needs to change again – because you can’t possible be everything to everyone, or everywhere at once.  And this upsets you, because you thought you could do it all, but of course you can’t.
5. A close friend or family member passes away – One of the ultimate life changes is death, of course.  A person who gave meaning to our life is now no longer in our life (at least not in the flesh), and we are not the same person without them.  We have to change who we are – we’re now a best friend who sits alone, a widow instead of a wife, a dad without a daughter, or a next-door neighbor to someone new.  We want life to be the way it was, before death, but it never will be.

Obviously, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Change is the only constant thing in life.  Every fraction of a second is different, and we resist it.  Our day gradually passes, our body gradually ages, our relationships gradually shift, other people don’t act the way they used to, we ourselves begin to think differently, and this is tough to deal with.

So this is the pain of life’s changes, of realizing that we are not in control, of reality evolving and not meeting our expectations.

But how do we find the beauty in this?

The key is to cope with change in healthy ways, rather than hopeless ways…

We can cope with change hopelessly in many ways (and sadly many of us do):

• Screaming at other people and ourselves
• Drinking lots of alcohol
• Using drugs
• Watching one mindless television show after the next
• Sitting around all day and feeling sorry for ourselves
• etc.

Or we can find healthy ways to cope:

• Exercising
• Meditation and mindfulness rituals
• Discussing our problems honestly with a counselor or coach
• Focusing on the next step forward – i.e. controlling what can be controlled rather than craving control over the uncontrollable
• etc.

But the most important thing to understand is that all healthy coping strategies require us to embrace life’s changes, first and foremost.

Think about it.  If changes are a basic fact of life, then why resist?  Why not embrace, let go and live fully?

Why not see the beauty in life’s changes?

I know it’s hard – but only because we’re so darn used to resisting.

Let’s put aside our habitual resistance and judgmental impulses for a bit, and instead look for…

The Beauty in Life’s (Painful) Changes

1. Someone you respect snaps and yells at you – This person is hurting, frustrated or angry, and is taking it out on you because you’re close to them.  They’re reaching out, wanting to be saved from the uncontrollable, and (of course) they’re not succeeding.  Can you empathize with this?  Have you ever been in their shoes?  There is beauty in our parallels, in our joint struggles, in our interconnection as human beings.  Emotionally embrace this beautiful, hurting human being, feel her pain as she deals with the change in her life, give your compassion, and then carry on without taking her struggles personally.
2. Your 10-month-old (or 10-year-old or 20-year-old) refuses to listen to you – Remarkably, your child is maturing and asserting her independence.  She’s thinking her own thoughts, and proving that she is her own human being, not just a little minion that follows orders.  Have you ever been in her shoes – perhaps at work or earlier in life?  Have you ever been agitated by someone else trying to control you?  There is beauty in this kind of growth and independence, this fighting spirit, this coming of age.  See the beauty and smile.  Appreciate it.  Give your child some space to learn and grow.
3. You get laid off or fired by your employer – As difficult as losing your job is, it’s an ending that leads to the beginning of everything that comes next.  Let the heaviness of being successful be replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again.  This new beginning is the start of a different story, the opportunity to refresh your life, to reinvent who you are.  See the beauty in this opportunity – the freedom and liberation from a fixed routine – a solid foundation from which you can rebuild your life the way you always wanted it to be.
4. You suddenly realize you have too much on your plate – When your plate is too full, life is difficult, there’s no question about that, but it’s still possible to appreciate the chaos of your daily tasks and obligations.  No, you can’t do everything, or be everything to everyone, or be everywhere at once, but you can let go of wanting everything to be under your complete control every second.  There is beauty in the chaos of your day.  It is random, it is wild… it is real life.  And it means you have people, projects, passions, and ideas in your life that move you.  Notice the pain of your resistance, and the beauty in your struggle.  Then realize you can only do one thing at a time, so just do that one thing.  Then let it go, and do the next thing.  And do it with a cheerful heart.
5. A close friend or family member passes away – Certainly the most painful life change of them all, death can be sad.  Angel and I have dealt with the loss of siblings and best friends to illness, so we know from experience that when you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open.  And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss – you will never forget them.  However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news.  You see, death is an ending, which is a necessary part of living.  And endings are necessary for beauty too – otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited.  Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the definitive limit – a reminder that we need to be aware of this beautiful person or situation, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life.  Death is also a beginning, because while we have lost someone special, this ending, like the loss of a job, is a moment of reinvention.  Although sad, their passing forces us to reinvent our lives, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.  And finally, of course, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the beauty they showed us.

Closing Thoughts

With a life coaching career that spans a decade, Angel and I have worked with people of all ages, in all walks of life, from every corner of the globe, and I can honestly say that nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears.  So don’t regret your time, even the moments that were filled with painful life changes.  Smile because you learned from these twists and turns and gained the strength to rise above them and adapt.

Ultimately, it’s not what you have been through that defines who you are; it’s how you got through it that has made you the person you are today, and the person you are capable of being tomorrow. 

Your turn…

What painful life changes have you had to cope with?  How have these changes shaped the person you are today?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

Photo by: Gaia Pazzagli

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10 Things to Remember About Toxic Family Members

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

Family is supposed to be our safe haven.  Sometimes, however, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.

Letting go of (or breaking up with) a toxic friend, boyfriend or girlfriend is one thing, and there’s plenty of advice out there for doing so, but what about letting go of a toxic family member?

Most of us are not in a position to just walk away, nor do we feel that we want to, or that it’s the right thing to do.  So what do we do when a family member is literally spoiling our lives with their toxicity?  How do we deal with our feelings of obligation, confusion, betrayal and heartache?

First and foremost, you must accept the fact that not everyone’s family is healthy or available for them to lean on, to call on, or to go home to.  Not every family tie is built on the premise of mutual respect, love and support.  Sometimes “family” simply means that you share a bloodline.  That’s all.  Some family members build us up and some break us down.

Second, you must understand that a toxic family member may be going through a difficult stage in their lives.  They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support.  Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their troubles, you may still need to protect yourself from their toxic behavior at times).

The key thing to keep in mind is that every case of dealing with a toxic family member is a little different, but in any and every case there are some universal principles we need to remember, for our own sake:

1. They may not be an inherently bad person, but they’re not the right person to be spending time with every day. – Not all toxic family relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose.  Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. And as hard as it is, we have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live.  You simply can’t ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else.  You have to make your well-being a priority.  Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.
2. Toxic people often hide cleverly behind passive aggression. – Passive aggressive behavior takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior.  Instead of openly expressing how they feel, someone makes subtle, annoying gestures directed at you.  Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting them, they find small and petty ways to take jabs at you until you pay attention and get upset.  This is obviously a toxic relationship situation.  It shows this person is set on not communicating openly and clearly with you.  Keep in mind that most sane human beings will feel no reason to be passive-aggressive toward you if they feel safe expressing themselves.  In other words, they won’t feel a need to hide behind passive aggression if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for what they are thinking.  So make it clear to your family members that you accept them for who they are, and that they aren’t necessarily responsible or obligated to your ideas and opinions, but that you’d love to have their support.  If they care about you, they will likely give it, or at least compromise in some way.  And if they refuse to, and continue their passive aggression, you may have no choice but to create some of that space discussed in point #1.  (Read Emotional Blackmail.)
3. They will try to bully you into submission if you let them. – We always hear about schoolyard bullies, but the biggest bullies are often toxic family members.  And bullying is never OK.  Period!  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand up for yourself.  Don’t give them leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.  It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your family and friends.  Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places.  Be cognizant of how the people closest to you treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them – whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you really are.
4. Pretending their toxic behavior is OK is NOT OK. – If you’re not careful, toxic family members can use their moody behavior to get preferential treatment, because… well… it just seems easier to quiet them down than to listen to their grouchy rhetoric.  Don’t be fooled.  Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this.  Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing.  Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior.  Stop tiptoeing around them or making special pardons for their continued belligerence.  Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with.  If someone in your family over the age 21 can’t be a reasonable, reliable, respectful adult on a regular basis, it’s time to speak up and stand your ground.
5. You do not have to neglect yourself just because they do. –Practice self-care every day.  Seriously, if you’re forced to live or work with a toxic person, then make sure you get enough alone time to rest and recuperate.  Having to play the role of a ‘focused, rational adult’ in the face of toxic moodiness can be exhausting, and if you’re not careful, the toxicity can infect you.  Toxic family members can keep you up at night as you constantly question yourself: “Am I doing the right thing?  Am I really so terrible that they despise me so much?  I can’t BELIEVE she did that!  I’m so hurt!!” Thoughts like these can keep you agonizing for weeks, months, or even years.  Sometimes this is the goal of a toxic family member, to drive you mad and make you out to be the crazy one.  Because oftentimes they have no idea why they feel the way they do, and they can’t see beyond their own emotional needs… hence their relentless toxic communication and actions.  And since you can’t control what they do, it’s important to take care of yourself so you can remain centered, feeling healthy and ready to live positively in the face of negativity when you must – mindfulness, meditation, prayer and regular exercise work wonders!
6. If their toxic behavior becomes physical, it’s a legal matter that must be addressed. – If you’ve survived the wrath of a physical abuser in your family, and you tried to reconcile things… If you forgave, and you struggled, and even if the expression of your grief had you succumb to outbursts of toxic anger… If you spent years hanging on to the notions of trust and faith, even after you knew in your heart that those beautiful intangibles, upon which love is built and sustained, would never be returned… And especially, if you stood up as the barrier between an abuser and someone else, and took the brunt of the abuse in their place… You are a HERO!  But now it’s time to be the hero of your future.  Enough is enough!  If someone is physically abusive, they are breaking the law and they need to deal with the consequences of their actions.
7. Although it’s hard, you can’t take their toxic behavior personally. – It’s them, not you.  KNOW this.  Toxic family members will likely try to imply that somehow you’ve done something wrong.  And because the ‘feeling guilty’ button is quite large on many of us, even the implication that we might have done something wrong can hurt our confidence and unsettle our resolve.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Remember, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.  Most toxic people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with.  Even when the situation seems personal – even if you feel directly insulted – it usually has nothing to do with you.  What they say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.  
8. Hating them for being toxic only brings more toxicity into your life. – As Gandhi once said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”  Regardless of how despicable a family member has acted, never let hate build in your heart.  Fighting hatred with hatred only hurts you more.  When you decide to hate someone you automatically begin digging two graves: one for your enemy and one for yourself.  Hateful grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something.  Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are strong enough and smart enough to move on.  After all, the best revenge is to be unlike the person who hurt you.  The best revenge is living well, in a way that creates peace in your heart.
9. People can change, and some toxic family relationships can be repaired in the long run. – When trust is broken, which happens in nearly every family relationship at some point, it’s essential to understand that it can be repaired, provided both people are willing to do the hard work of self-growth.  In fact, it’s at this time, when it feels like the solid bedrock of your relationship has crumbled into dust, that you’re being given an opportunity to shed the patterns and dynamics with each other that haven’t been serving you.  It’s painful work and a painful time, and the impulse will be walk away, especially if you believe that broken trust cannot be repaired.  But if you understand that trust levels rise and fall over the course of a lifetime you’ll be more likely to find the strength to hang in, hang on, and grow together.  But it does take two.  You can’t do it alone.  (Read Loving What Is.)
10. Sadly, sometimes all you can do is let go for good. – All details aside, this is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things toxic family members do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them in the long run.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions continuously invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.  In a perfect world we would always be able to fix our relationships with toxic family members, but as you know the world isn’t perfect.  Put in the effort and do what you can to keep things intact, but don’t be afraid to let go and do what’s right for YOU when you must.

The floor is yours…

What are your experiences with toxic family members?  What have you done to cope with their toxic behavior?  Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

Photo by: Patricia Bru

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40 Quotes that Will Quiet Your Mind

POST WRITTEN BY: ANGEL CHERNOFF

Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.

You know how you always turn down the volume on the radio when you need to think clearly about something complicated or confusing?

The same is true for your life in general.  The noise you need to cut out to concentrate?  That’s the noise in your head – the busy, worried thoughts screaming over your better judgment.

Turning down the radio refocuses your mind and offers you clarity when you need it most.  You don’t really think about how or why this makes such a huge difference, you just know that it does.

Now it’s time to apply this same strategy to all the other noise in your life, starting with the noise in your head.  And although it’s not quite as easy as spinning the radio’s volume dial, the good news is you can quiet your mind and train it to think more rationally simply by reminding yourself to do so every day.  Some people call them affirmations, or mantras, or convictions, but in any case these daily reminders keep you on track by keeping peaceful, productive thoughts at the top of your mind, even when life gets noisy.

Here are 40 quotes gathered from our blog archive that can be used as reminders to help tweak your thoughts and quiet your anxious mind:

1. Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.  So pay close attention to the thoughts you choose.  They have a way of becoming real.
2. There is absolutely nothing about your present circumstances that prevents you from making progress, one step at a time.
3. Worry, and you get what you worry about.  Work, and you get what you work for.  It’s often just that simple.
4. You can’t let one bad moment spoil a bunch of good ones.  Don’t let the silly little dramas of each day get you down.
5. Happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with ‘what is,’ rather than wishing for and worrying about ‘what is not.’  ‘What is’ is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be.  The rest is just you, arguing with life.
6. Frustration and stress come from the way you react, not the way things are.  Adjust your attitude today, and the frustration and stress is gone.
7. Be positive and smile right now, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good side of everything.
8. Lies only exist if you believe in them.  The truth shall indeed set you free in the end.  Whenever negativity creeps into your mind, ask yourself:  Is it true?  Can I be 100% certain that it’s true?  (And then let the lies GO!)
9. No book is just one chapter.  No chapter tells the whole story.  No mistake defines who we are.  Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.
10. Remember, letting go isn’t about having the courage to release the past; it’s about having the wisdom and strength to embrace the present.
11. The past has absolutely no power over the present moment.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)
12. No amount of regret changes the past.  No amount of anxiety changes the future.  But any amount of gratitude changes the present.
13. Replace the phrase “I have to” with “I get to” whenever you catch yourself starting to complain.  So many activities we complain about are things others wish they had the chance to do.
14. The more beauty you find in someone else’s journey, the less you’ll want to compare it to your own.
15. Feeling stuck is a FEELING, not a fact.  So never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are.  Life changes every second, and so can you.
16. In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything.  Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear.  Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up.  Keep your mind quiet and peaceful, by keeping it open.
17. Be careful about who you give the microphone and stage to in your life.  Don’t just listen to the loudest voice.  Listen to the truest one.
18. The unhappiest people in this world are the people who care the most about what everyone else thinks.
19. Saying yes to happiness and peace of mind means learning to say no to the people and things that hurt you.  Be wise enough to ignore the needless negativity around you.
20. When people undermine your dreams, predict your doom, or criticize you, remember, they’re telling you their story, not yours.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
21. The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.
22. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to agree with everyone, everyone doesn’t have to agree with us, and it’s perfectly OK.
23. Be OK with walking away… Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.
24. You have to accept that some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.  There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.
25. Everyone you meet can teach you something important.  In fact, the people who are the most difficult to deal with can also be your most valuable teachers.
26. Some life changes look negative and painful on the surface, but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new and beautiful to emerge.
27. Without letting go of thinking there’s somewhere better to be, or someone better to be, you’ll never relax with where you are and who you are.
28. The curious paradox of life is that when you accept yourself just as you are, right where you are, only then can you change and grow.
29. Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally.  Listen, and then operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
30. Sometimes your mind needs more time to accept what your heart already knows.  Breathe.  Be a witness, not a judge.
31. Don’t run away from things; run toward them – the best way to move away from something negative is to move toward something positive. 
32. If you’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to realign yourself with what you value most in life.  What is important in your life is what you decide is important.  Nothing can overwhelm you unless you let it.
33. True purpose has no time limit.  True purpose has no deadline.  Don’t worry and stress yourself out.  Just do the one thing you can right now.
34. Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.
35. Remember, “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It’s not that important to me.”
36. You cannot always wait for the perfect time, because there may be no such thing.  Sometimes you must dare to jump.
37. Don’t be afraid of your fears.  They’re not here to scare you.  They’re here to let you know that something is worth your while.
38. Don’t let not knowing how it’ll end keep you from beginning.  Uncertainty chases us out into the open where life’s true magic is waiting.
39. Look at how far you’ve come.  You have made progress.  And now, imagine how far you can go.
40. And finally… Stop worrying so much about what’s in it for you every single second.  If you’re making a positive contribution to others, there’s always something in it for you in the long run.

Your turn…

What’s one quote or personal reminder that helps you quiet your mind, think more clearly, or live more positively when life gets noisy and stressful?  Please share it with us by leaving a reply below.

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